“bottom of the barrel horror ” – Clint Morris
Kate Mara, Robert Vito, Tina Lifford, Ed Marinaro
Just so we know that they actually ‘tried’ with this thing, there are a few lines at the start of the movie to give surety us that this is an original idea and not just a Xerox of other, more popular horror franchises.
Girl : It’s not even a real Urban Legend. It’s just like that movie Candyman.
Boy : Candyman ripped off Bloody Mary – not the other way around.
OK, so the film had writers, and maybe a half-engaging concept when it was suggested to the Pascal troupe early on – but at the end of the day, the finished film is about as entertaining as watching a tabby mess up it’s litter tray.
More in the vein of “Prom Night” (predominantly, “Prom Night II : Hello Mary Lou”, remember that little plum?) than the first two “Urban Legend” movies – the original was a smart, well-written and slightly tongue in cheek teen slasher film – “Urban Legends 3” is C-grade horror from the get go, that seemingly kills any prospect of further instalments in the franchise. With Mary Lambert, the director of “Pet Sematary”, behind the camera – it could’ve been much more. Unfortunately, it seems she’s merely called the shots, not given any creative input.
The film kicks off with a 60’s flashback. A young highschool girly named Mary is taunted by a few jocks who have been slipping Mickey’s into girls drinks and having their way them. Fortunately, Mary didn’t drink her drink, and so isn’t out cold like the rest of the girls, but it doesn’t take long for the jocks to realise that she could dib-dob on them. One of them chases after her – accidentally kills her, and leaves the body. As ‘Legend’ has it, the body was never recovered; it’s still in the room somewhere – rotting away.
Cut to forty-something odd years later. A group of pretty girlies – all bouncing about in their skimpy undies and having pillow fights – are discussing the urban legend of ‘Mary’, a woman who appears in a mirror, all bloodied and decayed, if you should speak her name three times. Naturally, for kicks, they say her name three times.
The next morning the girls have vanished – and soon after, re-appear, unsure of what’s happened.
One of them, with the help of her brother, sets out to solve the mystery of Bloody Mary – if only so her horrible mug stops appearing in her mirror.
With its no-name cast, wooden performances, terribly stilted dialogue and insipid stratagem, “Urban Legends 3” is bottom of the barrel horror – that, well, makes that nonsensical second sequel look like “The Ring”.
Reviewer : Clint Morris
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Against the Current - the band, not adventures in dangerous swimming 101
Zedd - If our love is tragedy, why are you my remedy? (Well, answer my question!)
Arrow (Okay, Felicity from Arrow!)
Chrissy Costanza (cat eyes and buttery lyrics!)
Girls (TV) (Okay, Allison Williams!)
Movies - especially when they play in the dark.
Twin Peaks (TV)
Friends (TV) (It had me at "No way are you cool enough to pull Clint"; damn straight, Chandler!)
Traveling - preferably where water is, so I can splash someone!
Star Wars trilogy - no, the other one, fella!
Alex G - far more talented than her younger brother Alex H
Cameron Crowe movies - Say Anything..., Jerry Maguire, Almost Famous
The sign 'Free Wi-Fi'.
Reenacting dance/song scenes from "Grease" with my little girl (hey! Wait till you see my 'Summer Lovin'! - don't judge)
Die Hard - 40 stories of Sheer Adventure!
Alex Goot & Friends (his enemies aren't half as talented!)
Cooking up a nice dish and sitting in the entertainment area, on a cool night, basking in it's greatness.
Inflatable kids pools full of Vodka Lime Crush.
Acidic Email from angry, over passionate teenagers after I trash something "Twilight"-related on the site. Sparkle elsewhere.
My baby girl's big, caring heart.