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Caffeinated Clint – 28/11/06

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Step One : We Can Have Lots of Fun




Caffeinated Clint
A weekly editorial Grande with a double shot
With Clint Morris

Introduction
There are a few emails in the box today about the “Poltergeist” remake story at Bloody Disgusting. As their story clearly states, I am no longer involved in this film – I was involved in the once-proposed fourth sequel, and its now a remake – so sorry folks, not much I can tell you about it. What I can tell you is that I fuckin’ hate the idea of a “Poltergeist” remake – not only does it tarnish the rep of the classic original, but it’ll really rub salt into the wounds of the late Heather O’Rourke’s family. But then, I was one of the 40,000 odd writers that had something to do with extending the original series, so don’t listen to me. Still, I’m interested in whose keen to see a remake? Would folks have preferred a sequel? Would folks prefer neither?

Quarter way through coffee

Apologizes for not showing up for “Caffeinated Clint” last week – Michael Richards was due to fill in, but he apparently got caught up in traffic; somewhere around – I unfortunately had to take little Louis the cat to the animal hospital.
You all remember Louis, right? He’s the 2-year-old Scottish fold that my wife thinks is the best thing since Kevin Williamson. He’s a gem of a cat – quiet, intelligent, curious and paws a mean tennis ball.
Anyway, you’ll recall that he has something called a ‘shunt’, which prevents his liver from working properly. Anyway, we had to pay a couple of thousand for him to have surgery on Monday to ideally have the shunt capped-off. Thing is, it didn’t work. Louis’s condition is unfortunately not good. Not only does he have a shunt… he has multiple shunts. All of this is caused by liver disease. (I’d love to express my anger about the negligence of the vet that has been looking after him – or rather, not looking after him – on the site, and possibly could’ve got to it on time, but I won’t – I’ll save that for the legal eagles).
So, a little heartbreaking…. But as I said to the wife, he’s not dead yet. He’s had such a full-on year. We’re going to try and get him as healthy and happy as we can and at least give him a shot at a couple of years of a normal kitty life.
If you ever notice something weird about your cat – as in, he’s losing weight, he’s having seizures, he’s drooling, and his eyes are a different colour…. Please get on it straight away. But more importantly, take him to a slightly more “expensive” and “reputable” vet.
Will keep you posted on the L man’s progress.

Half-way through coffee

Yep, Adam gave it 5 stars. But as we all know, I’m not as kind – must stem from the fact that I’m married to a dominatrix – I take apart a film like Q takes apart a gadget. Talking about “Borat”, a film that is pocketing more money than a high-class hooker makes on Christmas Eve.
He too wears skimpy clothes, has a brain the size of a microchip, sees women as meat, and struggles to explain himself in a concise sentence – but thankfully, ‘Borat’ is a lot funnier than Warwick Capper.
In his second TV-skit-turned-film – the first being the one-joke disappointment, “Ali G in Da House” – Sacha Baron Cohen, playing the, kicks a lot more goals too, slicing one straight through the goal line at least eight times out of ten.
Granted, most of the bank that “Borat” is going to make – or make, as seems to be the case. Have you seen how much this thing brought in at the U.S box office on its first week of release?! – can be attributed to the film’s continuous publicity and marketing campaign. Months before the print was even locked, the film was an instant curiosity because of the trouble that Cohen had caused whilst filming the movie in the states – attendees of a Texas Rodeo nearly ate him alive, he was walloped in the face by a New Yorker for harassment, and was kicked out of at least one in three of the businesses or homes he invaded – usually for his anti-Semitic remarks. But more so, its Twentieth Century Fox’s fabulous marketing of the movie that will/has been putting bums on seats. From having Cohen tour the globe ‘as Borat’, to cutting a wildly amusing trailer, they’ve done a wonderful job at marketing this thing.
Not to say the film itself isn’t funny – it is; in fact it’s very funny. It’s not the character himself who gets the laughs per se, but more so the situations he gets himself into.
In the pic, the fictional Kazakh journalist heads to America. He’s supposedly there to
File a story on the ‘greatest country in the world’ – which is a cue for a sequence of embellished and droll cultural differences – but ends up falling in love with a woman he catches on TV, Pamela Anderson. It’s then that he decides to head to California to wed the ‘Baywatch’ babe’.
There are moments in the film that will truly having you busting a gut. A couple of scenes in particular – one involving a repugnantly overweight man, completely buck naked, wrestling with Borat – made me laugh so much I almost vomited. Now that’s a quote you want a poster, right?
Now that the joke’s out of the bag, and people will know who Borat is when they see him coming– this time, many took him for a real foreign journalist– a sequel’s going to be a tough trick to pull off. Not that they won’t try.

Three quarters the way through coffee
You wouldn’t believe how many times I’ve been asked: “Will there be a Back to the Future 4”? !!
You wouldn’t believe how many times I’ve typed the letters: ‘N’ and ‘O’.
I understand why many think it’s a possibility, but its not so much that it’s a dumb idea that they just haven’t been able to come up with a good idea.
After the success – not only theatrically, but on VHS – of the “Back to the Future” trilogy, it seemed almost inevitable that Universal would request a fourth adventure for an justifiably exhausted Marty McFly. The task would prove to be as superfluous – considering the last chapter tied everything up – as it would be intricate.
In November of 1998, Amblin Entertainment hired a series of writers, including Charles S. Haas and Ed Solomon, to draft a potential third sequel to the 1985 smash. The studio reportedly had tentative plans to do two more “Back to the Future” sequels, both due for release in 2002 or 2003.
The idea was to get as many different ideas down on paper – one leaked synopsis involved Doc Brown and the Roswell Crash of 1947 – and to see which one clicked.
Surprisingly, the character of Marty McFly, played by Michael J.Fox in the first three films, was nowhere to be seen in many of the treatments. With McFly’s tale as good as wrapped up (in Back to the Future III), the scribes decided to concentrate on stories that would involve his time-travelling accomplice Doc Brown (played by Christopher Lloyd), and, in some treatments, his recently garnered wife Clara (played by Mary Steenburgen in 1990’s “Back to the Future III”).
A new character, a young female scientist, was also present in a couple of the stories – at one stage, Sarah Michelle Gellar, then a rising star on TV’s “Buffy, the Vampire Slayer”, was mentioned as someone that could be a fit.
Those treatments obviously didn’t get any further than an exec’s desk – or worse case scenario, a paper shredder – because “Back to the Future” Screenwriter Bob Gale told BTTF.com that neither Director Robert Zemeckis or himself have ever been officially asked to consider doing a Back to the Future 4.
“No one at Universal or Amblin ever asked Bob Z or me to think about a Part 4; and certainly Steven Spielberg would never consider the prospect without our involvement”, he says. “Years ago, Bob and I would kick it around, but we couldn’t do it without Michael J. Fox, and Michael just isn’t in any condition to do something like that”.
In the late 90’s, Fox semi-retired from acting announcing he was suffering from Parkinson’s Disease. Though rumours suggested the studio might do the sequel without the popular Canadian actor anyway, Gale doesn’t believe they could pull that off. “I can’t believe the fans would want to see a Part 4 without Michael- as a fan, I certainly wouldn’t. It would smell too cheap”.
Diagnosis? As stated above, if there’s no Fox, there’s no Marty, and without Marty – it’s hardly “Back to the Future”. Something tells us the studio realized that and quickly buried plans for a third sequel.
More likely that some fuckin’ scumbag exec will greenlight a remake.

One sip to go

Isn’t it funny how one song will remind you of one heck of a time – whether that be a good or a bad time. I know one woman who can’t listen to “Sing Hallelujah” by Dr.Alban because it reminds her of the time she got with Captain Ugly at a disco, I know another who has to change the radio station when “Back in the USSR” comes on because it reminds her of the Russian guy who use to harass her at work (He apparently use to whistle it) and an ex-likes to tell me how ‘Slave for Love’ by Bryan Ferry reminds her of me : Because I use to serenade her with it. Vomit in ya mouth, yet?

Here’s some songs and what I represent them with:

Footloose by Kenny Loggins – This has your atypical memory of the movie attached to it, but also the recollection of a 10-year-old who went wild when the song appeared in the movie (starting credits) and decided to show everyone in the audience how to “cut footloose” (jumping all over the stage, at the back near the projection room window, and down the aisles). I’d say patrons were more shocked, than annoyed.

Another Night by The Real McCoy – Reminds me of plugging the CD walkman into the car’s tape player so we could thrash the sounds out the window…. Oh, how those 16-year-old girls were impressed. (Can see my wife laughing at this column already).

Trouble by Lindsey Buckingham – Reminds me of sitting around Mum’s record player playing (constantly) one of the first 45’s that I ever stole from ma’s collection. (The first album was a Split Enz one).

Uptown Girl by Billy Joel – Reminds me of one of my first crushes. I was listening to the song in the family car, as we drove to that year’s Christmas holiday destination. Whatever happened to that…. Uptown girl? (Yeah, wife is still laughing).

As I Lay Me Down by Sophie B. Hawkins – The night I took an innocent young thing home from the Casino to a motel in Spencer Street. This was the song playing on the small clock radio atop of the motel TV. Wish I didn’t have this memory…

Glorious by Andreas Johnson – Reminds me of when I bough the wife [then girlfriend] home for the first time to meet the bed mites. This was the song I chose to put on the stereo to create ambience. Eh.

The One and Only by Chesney Hawkes – Moviehole’s Pete likes to remind me that I was singing the lyrics to this one for the whole walking trip that we had to carry an immense “Terminator” stand-up from the video store to its new home, my bedroom. Shame.

The Power of Love by Huey Lewis & The News – Reminds me (yeah of “Back to the Future”, but also) of the time I decided to grab a skateboard, grab onto the back of a garbage truck and take a spin around the streets… pretending I was Marty McFly. Still can’t believe I was never seen in the rear-view mirror.

Step by Step by New Kids on the Block – Reminds me of the infantile parties I use to host at my house as a teenager – the ones where we’d all mime the words to Step by Step, and then jump off the couch when the song called for it – usually bumping the needle off the record in the process.



The Weekly Rap Sheet


CLINT’S……
Movie of the Week :
Borat


DVD of the Week
: Sin City : Recut and Extended


Watched the following 5 films this week… :
1) Goldeneye 2 ) Charlotte’s Web 3 ) The Texas Chainsaw Massacre : The Beginning 4) The Black Dahlia 5) Sidekick


Favourite Dakota Fanning movie :
I Am Sam


Clint’s least Favourite Dakota Fanning movie :
War of the Worlds


been listening to…. :
Eyes Open – Snow Patrol


Happy that…. :
At least one http://www.upi.com/NewsTrack/view.php?StoryID=20061122-125632-7755r remake has been canned.


Not Happy that… :
Bonnie Bedelia isn’t making a cameo in “Live Free or Die Hard”


Predicting… :
The once-proposed sequel to the remake of “When A Stranger Calls” won’t be happening.


Retro Pick of the Week :
: Goldeneye


Thinking that…. :
New Line are taking their time getting this “Elm Street” prequel off the ground


Star Nut of the week :
: See here


Confession of the week… :
I own a copy of Lionel Ritchie’s “Dancing on the Ceiling” LP



This Week’s Useless bit of Advice
If you ever wanna make money, don’t become a freelance journalist.


This Week We Salute :


Who? : Zelda Rubinstein
What do I know him/her from? : “Poltergeist”, in which she played ‘house cleaner’ Tangina Barrons. You may also know her as Gladys Biddleworth from the TV soapie, “Santa Barbara”.
What would you say is their best film? : “Poltergeist” – though the sequel ain’t half bad either.
What did you see him/her first in? “Poltergeist”.
What have they been in lately? : She has a role in the forthcoming “Southland Tales”.
They done anything dire? : Like National Lampoon’s “Last Resort” starring Corey Haim and Corey Feldman, ya mean?
They like anyone else? : Nah she’s definitely one of a kind.
They still in work? : Very much so. She most recently contributed to ‘Last Cowboy’, from Christopher Showerman and [some fucker named] Clint Morris.
Is their career freezing, cold, lukewarm, warm, hot or sizzling at the moment? : Warm, but that seems to suit her just fine.


5 Things You Didn’t Know About…….


“Child’s Play 2” (2002)

1. All of Brad Dourif’s voice over work for Chucky was recorded in advance so they could match up Chucky’s mouth with the words. Because of this, Brad Dourif rarely ever appeared on set.
2. Was Alex Vincent’s last appearance in the series – something he’s reportedly a little disappointed about.
3. An alternate version of the film was shown on the USA network. One of the new scenes in that version included a different ending which shows Chucky’s face being created through the machines, then Chucky gives an evil smile, much like the beginning of ‘Child’s Play 3’.
4. At the end of the movie when Chucky is remade in the toy machine there is a hand visible as the credits roll
5. The films director, John Lafia, now mainly directs TV movies – his last effort was “Firestorm : Last Stand at Yellowstone”.
Movie Rating :



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About Caffeinated Clint

The writer/publicist/producer who wears the editor hat on Moviehole. Favorite films include "Say Anything...", "The Hunt for Red October", "Jerry Maguire", "Almost Famous", "Die Hard", "The Girl With The Dragon Tattoo", "Young Guns", "American Psycho", "Back to the Future" and the "Star Wars" series.
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