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Gossip Monkey – 11/5/06

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This Week : You Asked, He Answers




Ahoy me hearty Monk Mates,

Tis Monkey Beard here, sharing out some golden showery, gossipy treasure with you scurvy blessed one eye rapscallions of the oceanic waves of moviedom. Argh!

Firstly, thanks for all your emails of late, promise I’ll look into all those little things you asked me about – starting with, the Arnie/Sly movie rumour that’s doing the rounds, discussed below.

I saw a new trailer for the next “Pirates of the Caribbean” feature the other day and boy does it look a tasty piece of cinematic entertainment! Despite having 3 films in the can already, it was reported that the series could run and run. Aye aye to that. Three beautiful movies! Argh Jim Lad. But some threesomes do suck at times. Talking of threesomes, whilst on IM with my fellow best ship’s mate – the female that certainly is Lady Monkey, we discussed the whole 3 scenario, as it had cropped up in a chat with some pals on Saturday night. I for one am totally against the idea. Seriously. It will destroy a relationship and quite frankly, me hearties, it just means you’re not really that into your cabin boy or girl too much after all. It’s cheating in full view of your partner, don’t you think? You’re just getting away with it right there and then. Pah! My male gibbon pals were in total disbelief that I had such a view. Sure, if you’re a single free-swinging on the Vine ape, then maybe so, but in a rock solid pact of sweet lurv, then it’s a no for the Monkster. Anyways, I boarded the good ship that is The Princess Lady Monkey the other day and felt extremely satisfied and content. A sudden bout of excitement rushed up me as I noticed a leak was occurring below her deck. I just had to go down there! This Monkey loves to go diving. Aye aye skippers, I also think I’ve found a good island dwelling for the two of us to be shipwrecked on. I’ll be viewing it again tomorrow and will test out the sound department on whether any of the neighboring islanders can hear Princess Lady Monkey yelling out “X marks the spot!”

Aniston/Paltrow team-up?
Talking of X’s. I hear Jennifer Aniston and Gwyneth Paltrow could be teaming up for something. Unsure what type of movie, but a Vine Street whisper was Jen is playing a baddie. Watch this Vine. Meantime, Jen’s ex-hubby, Brad Pitt, is reportedly (bloody British tabloids) not committed to “Ocean’s Thirteen” yet…that’s bullshit, he’s doing it. Concrete.

Latest on that Arnie/Sly film
I was passed some info on this info that I wrote a while back which was based on some info I was passed more than a while before then. Ya catchin’ ma drift? I pencilled a few weeks ago about the possible Arnie Sly team up for a script on some people’s tongues called ‘Brutal Deluxe’. There’s been some fans of the muscle bound twosome giving an Ebert style thumbs up and some peeps saying ‘that title sounds lame, what the..’ Well, I can tell you that Producer Brian Grazer hasn’t got this script, nor anyone at Imagine. Why? Because apparently it’s not yet complete, however, hyperactive, excited talk from one prod in the know was that it involves a lot of computer technology, but it’s by no means a sci-fi pic. I was told the story has the pair as rivals who end up joining forces. No frame up. No former cops. They haven’t played characters like this or been in a project like this before. I’m curious, so watch this Vine..I’m catching up with the imagine gang soon, so I’ll ask away.

Keeping up with the Zanes’s
Back to that whole ‘3’ episode of earlier. I actually caught the movie ‘Three’ the other week when in London. I was at the Premiere and for those who don’t know it, it ‘stars’ Billy Zane and Kelly Brook. This musta been a first draft, or first daft I Should say. Billy’s made out to be the bad guy, when really he didn’t do anything wrong. Another rewrite and it actually could have been ok. It must have been made over two years ago and Brook should have had a bigger role by now. I know there are things in the pipeline for her. A TV show I hear is being penned especially for her in the UK and two significant roles in upcoming action movies. She could be very good, given the right project. No more ‘Threes‘ please Paradigm Agents. For Zane or Brook. Get them off the bottom shelf of Blockbuster.

This one time at Bond Camp
This one time, at Bond Camp. I’m kind of warming to the idea of Bond having a face like he’s been hanging out with Penn in the 80’s. I mean, the book had him as a scar faced guy, didn’t it? The Aston is back, but its no surprise really. Not long to go before we all get a real say, but I’m not feeling it. Bond is dead. Let it rest for a few years huh.

Cannes 2006
Cannes is fast approaching. I’ve played that game many times over. Same faces. Same projects. Same bars. Same food. Same journos. Same PR people being the high and mighty. It all comes around so fast.

24 : The Movie, in 2007?
I told you Kiefer was planning a ‘24’ flick in London next year. LA, London and Prague are the locale and whether they’ll be a Season 7, the movie will slot after Season 6 and wont be in real time. Be kinda difficult, wont it? Travelling wise. This will be hot! 24 and the Bourne movies are my ideal viewing. Oh,
So, “M:I:3”.. Tom needs to be cast opposite an equally big name next. Don’t hog it all. I feel he may have lost his ‘oomf’.

Another addition for “Wild Hogs”
Another addition to the already choca-bloc star-cast of “Wild Dogs”, starring Tim Allen and John Travolta. I hear that fabulous character actor Stephen Tobolowsky – who most will remember from “Groundhog Day” – has snagged a plum role in the movie. It starts shooting in June. If Tobolowsky has a large-enough role in this thing, it could be quite good after all…

Horror man doing next “American Pie”?
Apparently, Joel Soisson, who ‘Project Greenlight’ viewers would know as one of the producers of the forthcoming “Feast” – and he’s also a Dimension veteran, having worked on such films as “Dracula 2” and “The Prophecy 4” – is shifting gears…a bit. He’s working on Universal’s “American Pie Presents: The Naked Mile”. Joel tells us that they’ve just begun casting the film – though no one has signed yet – and that it will be very similar in tone to the last sequel, “American Pie: Band Camp”. For a direct-to-video offering, he says he was surprised by how funny the script is.

Preview of “Mutant Chronicles”
‘Del’ tells me he’s just discovered a 7 minute long pre production teaser trailer for the new sci-fi flick ‘Mutant Chronicles’. All the info is on his website www.24framespersecond.net. Spread the love. Check it out.

Ok. All I got. I gotta head back to view this island.

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About Caffeinated Clint

Clint is the creator, editor and maintainer of Moviehole.

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