Caffeinated Clint – 10/7/06


The last issue for a few weeks!

PLEASE NOTE : This will be the last “Caffeinated Clint” for a few weeks (so bloody enjoy it!) because Clint is headed to America to work for a spell. However, you can catch up with him at his My Space. Read his journals, Add him as a friend…basically, just bug him there for a while.

Caffeinated Clint
A weekly editorial Grande with a double shot
With Clint Morris

First up. Bit of news. I’ll be heading overseas for work for the next few weeks. What that means? A) I’ll be consuming milk that isn’t bottled by an Australian farm, B) I can’t think of a B, C) There won’t be a column for the next few weeks or so. In between doing shots off the Hilton sister’s chests, and, well, working, I don’t think I’ll have time…. But I’ve come up with a solution (to keep you entertained in the interim), which you can read below.

Quarter way through coffee

I’m with you, I’m as sick as “Wonder Woman” rumours as the next guy. Still, I’d rather read ‘who is being rumoured for the part’ than nothing on it…. I think. And most of you seem to want that too.
Last week, I noticed a bit on Sneak Peek suggesting that Bollywood actress Priyanka Chopra was the frontrunner for the role of the Amazonian princess – in the film. Later – after a few ‘fuck you – that’s not true’ emails, from a typically undermedicated few that need to go and workout some springs of a mattress and lay off the keyboard for a while – it was discovered that the rumour was merely something that had popped up on IMDB and had since started making the rounds. Not unusual, but those ones are hard to track.
I’ve gotta say – It’s hard running a movie news website, because you never quite know what’s news, what’s bullshit and what’s pure fan-boy speculation. You can only do so much to check too. For instance, unless I lived on the IMDB boards for “Wonder Woman”, which I don’t, I wouldn’t have known that that titbit was fake. How could I? I’m simply going by what my friends are saying at other sites. And again, how could they know? So, I guess what I’m trying to say is, that’s the nature of the game. There will always be rumours that are 100 percent true, and then there will be some that slip through the radar that are completely bullshit. I’ll usually run whatever comes from a ‘legit’ enough source, or that I know comes from a ‘usually reliable’ source.
Bottom line : There’s no Bollywood actresses being considered for the part of “Wonder Woman”. Kaput. Done. Presto.
Oh, and by the way, to the smart-ass lassie who had a go at me for saying “Joss Whedon wasn’t born in Sunnydale, that was the name of a fictional town!” – you think I don’t know that? Plllleaasse…. Go buy yourself a sense of humour, and shout yourself a strong malt whilst you’re at it. The secret password for this site is : “sense of humour needed”. Priceless. Cracks me up.
Anyway, the reason I bought up “Wonder Woman” is because I’ve been getting a few emails asking who I’d like to see play the role. Makes sense I guess. I’ve been listening to who you’d all like to see play the role – and it seems to be a toss-up between the “Days of Our Lives” fox and the “Firefly” babe – so guess I do deserve an opinion.
Well, unless Rachel Bilson grows a few inches before it gets up (the movie – that is), then Charisma Carpenter. I know, I know…. she’s not a big star, she’s relatively untried as a film actress, and she may have hurt her chances by ditching her duds in “Playboy” (a family friendly movie and all), but I like her. I think she would make an awesome Wonder Woman. She’s foxy, she’s feisty, she’s fit…. She looks the part. I can’t think of anyone else I’d rather see in the role – though I do like Morena Baccarin, as well – at the moment. Chances are Joss Whedon will want a complete unknown for the role – kinda like what the WB did with “Superman Returns” by casting Brandon Routh – but I strongly believe that he and Uncle Joel should at least do a screen test with Carpenter. Plonk the costume on her, set up the blue-screen behind her, and give her a few gallant lines…. I think they’ll like what they see.
Anyway, that’s my opinion. Charisma Carpenter. Wonder Woman. (Now you watch, here comes the emails : “No way, I want Paris Hilton to be Wonder Woman!”, and “Dude, iza cantta spellz, but mez want you nott caste herz as wonder foman, but put da girl from The Real World in it, coz itz cool to watch, and you would oll likez herf”, can only be seconds away).

Half-way through coffee

There’s nothing in this world as a free lunch… as filmmaker Gregory Pakis knows. Right now, he’s scrubbing my Mercedes. After that, he’ll be programming my DVD recorder for the month so that I don’t miss any episodes of “Magnum P.I” while I’m away. Then, blow-drying my wife’s just painted nails dry. And why? Because I’m about to give his film, “The Garth Method”, another big fat plug. Actually, I’m about to gush all over it (bring tissues).
I get dozens of emails, each day, from filmmakers and writers asking if I can either review their independent film or basically plug the heck out of it. Unfortunately, I just don’t have the room, or time, to mention or review half the films – and some are just plain horrible – but now and then, there’s one that turns up in the mail that isn’t half bad. “The Garth Method” was one of those films. It’s funny, it’s well performed, it’s got a good script… and low-and-behold – the guy that made it lives in Melbourne.
Pakis, who also stars in the film, has a bright future. I really believe it. And the kicker? He basically made this film (which reminded me of a better version of Universal’s “The 40-Year Old Virgin”, which cost about ten times as much), for himself, and his friends. No business tactics behind it at all. Hard to believe, but try.
I’d like to try and find this film a distributor. I really would. I think it deserves an audience a lot bigger than a pool of friends or a club hall. Touch base if you’re looking for a sweet little Aussie comedy. You can check out the trailer for the film at the official website. Hopefully, Greg finds a home for this baby soon. And good luck! (now, rake those leaves off the front porch, can ya dude!?)

Three quarters the way through coffee
So anyway, since I’ll be overseas working for the next few weeks, I’d like to remind you about some of the archived issues of “Caffeinated Clint”. That should hold you over until I return…

– Remember the one where I ragged on Kim Cattrall? You can read that here.
– Remember the one where I bought a laptop from a freak who loves pineapples? Read it here.
– Remember when I threatened to beat up the bunch of kids who walked in and out of a film screening? Read it here.
– Remember when I lectured Harrison Ford? Read it here.
– Remember when we do that goddamn “Wonder Woman” poll? The results are here.
– Remember when I chatted about just how influential the internet can be, sometimes? That column is here.
– Remember how I creamed all over “Buffy”? That incident is here.
– Remember the ‘great character actor’ debate? Nup? Then, read it.
– Remember when my local coffee place increased their prices? The events of the sad day were noted here.

Anyway, so yeah, I’m off for a while……here we go again… I’m about to hop on a plane. As regular readers of this column know, I’d rather watch back-to-back Van Damme movies than fly. Just don’t go for it. Can’t relax up there. Sure, you can drink till the cows come home, but at the end of the day, you’re still in a bit of plastic soaring over the fluffy stuff. It’s not a matter of being ‘scared of flying’, or having been affected by the ‘events of September 11’ (not in that sense anyway), I’m just not ‘comfortable’ flying. I’d rather stay on the ground. (Unfortunately, the studio wouldn’t hire a donkey for me). 14-hours to get to Los Angeles from here. 14 friggin’ hours. So what’s your advice? Sleeping pills? Don’t sleep the night before? Plenty of booze? Buy an I-pod? Recite “Flying High” lines to the captain? Heck, if you work for Qantas, how about putting in a word for me and offering up those premium seats? Whatever…. I still gotta do it, as I’ve done time and time before. Look for the guy with the 500 pound bottle of Jack Daniels boarding the plane…. That’ll be me. In times like these, I suppose I just need to remember the immortal words of Brandon Routh as “Superman” :”Flying is still the safest form of travel”..
Anyway peoples, I have a bird to catch…… see you in August.

One sip to go

Big congrats to my mate Richard Shephard – writer/director of “The Matador” – who has cut himself another nice deal for his next pic. SaltyShep’s doing “Spring Break in Bosnia” with Richard Gere, Jesse Eisenberg and Terrence Howard. Weinsteins’ – just as they did “Matador” – have picked it up.
It basically revolves around a young up-and-coming journalist, a cameraman and a disreputable seasoned journo who band together to find the no.1 war criminal in Bosnia. The threesome then are mistakenly branded as the C.I.A and consequently, they find themselves the target of those they’re seeking out. It’s going to be a terrific little film.
As I said on the site, Rich is going to direct the thing and if you’ve never seen what the man can do behind the camera, check out some of his lesser-known films, like “Oxygen” or “Mexico City” too, so pretty confident that the labour-of-love is going to turn out quite magnificently.
Anyway, it is absolutely FREEZING here in the office tonight, and I can smell the Coffee Pot from here! Interested in hearing everyone’s opinion on :
a) Superman Returns
b) Whether Wesley Snipes is plotting to bomb Kirk Jones’ pad
c) whether we should all start photographing Paris Hilton from her ‘bad’ side
d) Whether it’s sad that I’ve been watching “Miami Vice” episodes – – – and swaying my head to Jan Hammer’s music theme.
e) Whether, given the chance, Patrick Swayze would do a sequel to “Tiger Warsaw”.

DVD of the week
Hustle & Flow – It might spinning on the same turnstile as a lot of other releases, but with such a premium needle hitting its surface and a double-deep groove to deep root its richness – it’s no wonder the world’s donning earphones just to get a listen to “Hustle & Flow”.
On the outset, writer/director Craig Brewer’s film looks like it could easily be about another chart-topping gangster rapper who thinks his life is interesting enough that you’d wanna celluloid refresher course, but look a little closer and you’ll see that it’s not only about an illusory chap, but it’s much more about the people behind the gangly gold chains than it is about the rhymes coming out of their fast-moving gobs. Music indeed plays a part here, but not half-as-much as ‘The Man’ does.
Serial support-actor Terrence Howard (“Crash”, “Four Brothers”) gets the promotion that’s been coming to him for years now, playing the lead role of DJay, a malcontent pimp who decides its time to start exploring his dream.
With every turn of the tuner, the gloomy player can never find nothing interesting to play on the radio (even his favourite rap-star has gone soft), so with the help of an old school friend (Anthony Anderson, in what could be both his most restrained role and best performance to date), a ‘light-skinned’ producer friend (D.J Qualls), and a resigned employee (read: she does the tricks, he takes his cut) to his sir.Pimpness (Taryn Manning), DJay sets out to cut some records and hopefully change his life for the better. But does it?
“Hustle & Flow” is a real surprise package. The script is tight and effective, the music is alive, and the performances are A-Grade. Granted, and many have the same complaint about James Mangold’s “Walk The Line”, a lot more has been put into the performances than the movie – it seems to need another chapter or so, just to bookend it, or a bit more meat around the characters – but all-in-all, it’s a movie well worth having a look (and listen) at.
The DVD contains a slew of great extras including : footage from the premiere, numerous featurettes, a commentary and TV spots

Theatrical release of the week
Junebug – The film fundamentally revolves around a woman named Madeline (Embeth Davidtz), a British diplomat’s daughter, who travels from Chicago with her new husband George (Allesandro Nivola) to the rural hill country of North Carolina to chase a neighbourhood, DIY painter (David Wark) for her gallery. Because they’re in the area anyway, Madeline decides to stop by and meet her hubby’s family. What a wacky little bunch they are: Amy Adams is the standout, playing a very-pregnant and very-chatty woman named Ashley, a chirpy wide-eyed innocent whose determined to name her baby ‘Junebug’ should it be a girl. She won’t leave Madeline alone for a minute – but you can’t despise the girl. She’s too adorable to despise. You simply, well, feel for her – and admire her for still smiling when, as far as we can tell, there’s no real reason to be jovial. Not to mention, want a slice of whatever happy cake she’s eating to take for the ride home.
While emphasis does seem to be on extracting the kookiness and humour of the ‘culture clash’, the film does a surprising half-turn into some more dramatic territory later on. “Junebug” simply takes a snapshot of a family in an unremarkable/just another day phase.

This Week’s Useless bit of Advice
When kicking your punching tower, make sure the cat hasn’t popped a hole in it. Otherwise, you could have a rather flat workout.

Missing Career Alert
James Marshall – Just watched “Gladiator” again. No, not that one. Not the Russell Crowe one. The James Marshall one. You know the one? The one where he plays a young pasty-white kid who gets roped into boxing – so he can pay off his Dad’s debts – and consequently gets trapped in the deal. You’ll probably remember, if anything, the fight he has with Brian Dennehy (!) at the end. Unintentionally funny. A cheesy good time for all. But of course, Marshall was better known as the brooding James Hurley on TVs “Twin Peaks” – a role he later reprised for the film, “Twin Peaks : Fire Walk With Me”. He was one of the most popular characters on the show, and was almost immediately rushed onto the big screen – where he appeared in such films as the abovementioned “Gladiator” and the all-star “A Few Good Men”. Something went wrong though, because all of a sudden he was co-starring in rubbish like “Soccer Dog : The Movie” (1998)! And has since been playing such memorable roles as ‘Law Court Door Guard’ in “High Crimes” (2002) and ‘Kurt’ in the video-game “Unlimited Saga”. Sad, he was good. Had good presence. Hopefully, someone will read this column and remember that – maybe even give him a job.

5 things you didn’t know about…… “Some Kind of Wonderful” (1987)
1. Molly Ringwald was offered the role of Amanda Jones (played by Lea Thompson), but turned it down.
2. Eric Stoltz – the one and only choice for Keith – was the one that suggested Lea Thompson play the female lead. Had it worked out – as in, had Michael J.Fox not suddenly become available – they would have also starred as mother and son in “Back to the Future”.
3. Kyle MacLachlan (“Twin Peaks”) was originally set to play Hardy Jenns, the character Craig Sheffer plays in the film.
4. Martha Coolidge was originally attached to direct the film. She was replaced by Howard Deutch.
5. Kim Delaney (“NYPD Blue”) was hired by Coolidge to play Amanda Jones. That changed, when Coolidge left the project.

Please Note : “This Week in TV” now has it’s own section, HERE