Gossip Monkey – 7/9/06


With Suri Cruise’s fairy godfather, Gossip Monkey

Monks here, people.
Due to my current London visit, I was gonna attempt to write in a Cockney style, but 1) it would read a little cheesy and Cheadle-Oceans-esque and 2) I just ain’t gonna do that, ya hear! I don’t write wid no ack sent, d’ya herrinmeout ondis now?

So, myself and Princess are in London. England, not Ontario Canada, if any of you Canadia-ites are reading. We’ve been on murderous tours, spy tours, pub tours (which are fantastic!) and I’ve toured every inch of the hotel room with Princess! I reckon that was her favorite one of all, especially as I was the tour guide damnit.

I was pretty hot today. I wore a sweater and got stuck on the subway or the tube or whatever. An announcer stated ; “Apologies for the delay. A man is stuck under a train. We’ll be moving shortly. Thank you.” I’ve been here before. Many, many times and I have many, many friends here, however those Brits CRACK ME UP with their politeness. I bet that even one of Jack the Ripper’s victims said “sorry” to him after he cut her from her privates to her chest. Ewwwwww.

Maybe not. I’ll be here for a while, Monkeying around with Princess and seeing various sites and reporting back to my master and friend Clint. Oh, Princess? Don’t worry anymore, OK? You have some friends here in London. Go out with them! Enjoy. Don’t smoke. Don’t give up on us. Don’t fear the future. Embrace it!

Okay, here goes:

Basinger for ’24’?
‘24’. Kiefer has never failed me in a movie. His father is amazing and Kiefer has always proved he’s no flash in the pan. I loved the ‘Lost Boys’. I loved ‘Flatliners’, ‘A Few Good Men’, ‘Young Guns’ and its sequel are two of my faves and ’24’? It’s by no means a secret that I adore this show and I heard his ‘Sentinel’ co-star Kim Basinger MAY be up for a role in the sixth season of ‘24’. Also, the movie WILL be set in London and parts of Europe.

Hairy times for Bond
This one time, at Bond Camp. I know some people or used to know some people at a British mag called Total Film. I read up on the latest issue here in London and noticed some ‘Casino Royale’ column inches relating to pre-credit sequences and Daniel Craig speak. A fight in a toilet stall is featured between Bond and some other, with James Blond stating his name. He’s received a lot of flack concerning his hair, (along with him actually being chosen as the suave super spy), but I was wondering if Roger Moore ever gained any blond remarks. I mean, wasn’t he a shade or three lighter than the rest too? I’m flying the Bourne flag, people.

Mission : Not Impossible
Is an ‘M:I:4’ on? Don’t bet against it. Not for a few years, but if so, it’s gonna be raw and I want it!! I make it no secret. And Tom, a pal of mine said you were in the UK during the Summer. Sussex or Suffolk? He told me you actually spoke to him through his driver side window when him and his family had stopped in the car. Mr. C. Call, write, email or text. You know my details. And did ya hear? bloody Clint bumped into Cruise when he was at Paramount last month! Grr.

Why was Rachel Weisz and Darren’s film booed at Venice? I like the idea of ‘The Fountain’.

Mask II : Face Off?
‘A Little Game Without Consequence’ will reunite stars Jim Carrey and Cameron Diaz. It’s foreign remake time with the duo playing a couple who are pretty perfect in their marriage, but for a laugh they pretend to break up on their 5th anniversary, however everyone they know seems to be glad they’ve separated as they didn’t think they were a good couple from the outset. Sounds good. I’ve not seen the original, but this one’s directed by Gabriele Muccino.

Robert Carlyle is joining ’28 Weeks Later’. WHY!!!! It’s not a very good script and the story sucks.

‘Sweeney’ movie?
What did I say about the a TV show called ‘The Sweeney’ over here in the UK receiving the big screen treatment? Well it seems Nick Love of Outlaw and Football Factory fame is keen. Andrew MacDonald who produces most of Danny Boyle’s flicks is up for the task too.

Bruce Willis in ‘The A-Team’ feature? I’m sure someone asked me a few years ago from Top Cow who I’d choose if I could and I said him. If they couldn’t get (afford, whatever) him, then Alec Baldwin or try for Anthony Hopkins. (that was my first choice)

I Heart Braff
Why can’t Zack Braff get any talent for his new ‘Open’ Hearts film? Listen to me. The guy is a major, major talent. He may not have deep pockets, but its credibility that counts when he’s concerned. Garden State was a good movie. People should be jumping to work with him. I’d be in your movie and I’m sure Princess would too. She adores you actually. We could swap.. no.. No, scratch that. Anyways, he also doesn’t think he’ll do a 7th season of ‘Scrubs’ either.

On the up: Holly Valance. Joel Schumacher. Helen Mirren. Tom Cruise (believe) Rose McGowan. Warner Bros. Kiefer Sutherland. Sylvester Stallone. Nick Love. Jason Isaacs.
Standing still: Bruce Willis. Dream Works. Brad Pitt.
On the decline: Paramount. Kate Beckinsale. Guy Ritchie.

Python Return?
Another Python move anyone? I hear rumblings. I’ll look into it.

Right, Monkey fans. Hope you’re all well. I feel as drained as the pot plant I saw someplace the other day.