Caffeinated Clint – 1/10/06


A Coffee-induced rant with a point [or is there?]

Caffeinated Clint
A weekly editorial Grande with a double shot
With Clint Morris

I can’t tell you how tired I am… seriously, I need to pegs to keep the peepers up…. Feels like I haven’t slept in weeks, let alone stopped working…. You know what always helps to keep one awake though? Frothy milky large Latte!

Quarter way through coffee

So a secret squirrel at FOX tells me that “X-Men 4” talk has been raging in the board meetings of late. No surprise, I suppose – though it was damn shitty, “X-Men: The Return” did gross a lot of moolah.
Anyway, apparently FOX is keen to get Patrick Stewart onboard – and at this stage, that’s all. Of the original cast, anyway. Stewart would be reprising his role as the very much-alive Professor X, now getting about in his formerly comatose brother’s body.
“They’ll get around the fact that Hugh and Halle, and so on, won’t be back by setting the film several years in the future”, says the FOX-hound. “Needles to say, Stewart mightn’t be a huge part if the film – but the kids will need a teacher. The new kids, that is”.
Now I’m not a huge comic book boffin – do enjoy comic book movies though – so I couldn’t tell you what ‘new kids’ he/she’s referring to, though I suppose there’s gotta be a heap of characters that haven’t been used in the movies yet, that should be. I believe they’ve got plans for Bill Duke’s “X-Men 3” character, Trask, too. Sounds like they’re doing kinda a ‘Next Generation’ type film… something not directly connected to the three films we’ve already seen.
Whatever the case, thought I’d relay the news to ya. If “X-Men 3” had been better, I’d be excited, but personally I’m all “er” about it at the moment. A Magilla Gorilla Bobble-head would excite me more, I reckon.

Half-way through coffee

Re-watching the “Gremlins” series recently, I was reminded just how good those films were….. are. For what they are – cheesy comedy thrillers with puppets – they’re gold. The writing is marvellous, the performances are tops (Zach Galligan was actually really good, looking back, it’s a pity his career didn’t extend beyond “Waxwork” sequels), and the puppetry – especially of Gizmo – is outstanding. Its rewatching films like this that I realise how much I hate CGI. OK, hate’s a strong word – loathe CGI. I understand that it’s easier to work with CGI, and I realise that you can do more with it, but there’s just something about those creatures in “Gremlins” that works…. Simple, straightforward, but believable. I really don’t think one could invest as much in say, Gizmo, if he were a computer-generated character like Jar Jar Binks. Could you?
The reason I’m bringing this up is because Joe Dante, the director of the “Gremlins” films, has heard down the line from Warner that they’re not interested in doing another film if it isn’t CGI. WTF?! Seriously, what would be so wrong with some good ol’ practical effects? It might even save you a few dollars!? (more money to pay Dick Miller with, eh?). I don’t think I’m alone when I say I would love to see another “Gremlins” movie but done THE SAME WAY as the original films. Heck, if the ‘Muppets’ can still entertain us all these years later – and they’re not bloody apple mac output! – then why not?! Ponder away brothers W, ponder away.
Meantime, do yourself a favour and go re-watch those fantastic “Gremlins” films – I swear, they’re still as fun as they ever were.

Three quarters the way through coffee
Remember my cat Louis, the Scottish fold, with the ‘Wachowski’? (Click here to read about him, if not). Well, he’s been back in the kitty hospital this week – all seemingly because of a vet’s laxity.
You see, we’ve been taking Louis to a local vet this past year, who has pocketed thousands of dollars out of us, for ‘quick fixes’ and ‘guess work’ relating to Louis ‘Struvite Crystal’ problem. But Was that the problem?
This week, when the poor little bugger got ill again, I decided it was time to take him to a specialist – a cat specialist. Thank god I did. We discovered that not only was Louis being treated for the wrong things, but a number of things had been overlooked – things a vet should have seen, if they had cared to do the work.
Seems Louis is getting blocked for other reasons – his liver and intestines, as well as the fact that he is anaemic. What he has been being treated for by the other vet – everything ranging from “evil” medicine to over-expensive food that he didn’t need to be on and ultimately added to his infirmity – has nothing to do with his problems, apparently.
I tell ya, as soon as the vets started saying “Hmm… I’ll have to google that. I don’t know why he would do that” on a constant basis, or “Ha Ha. He’s so cute. Look at him drool. Look at his tongue hanging out!” – I should’ve taken him from there like a mother would a teacher-abused child at a primary school.
Anyway, it’s a lot of gobbledegook…. But I just wanted to presage everyone about cost cutting, or going to a ‘general’ Vet, when it comes to your pets. Sometimes its worth paying a little more to see a specialist that deals with whatever your animal is… be it a dog, cat, chimpanzee, mogwai. Will keep you posted.

One sip to go

There was no Mailbag last week because, well, frankly I was too snowed under with work to get to it – but I’ve decided to answer one of the questions here, in “Caffeinated Clint”.

David asks : Hey, was just wondering, what sequels were in the works but are now looking like there dead?
Clint’s answer : Good question actually. It’s a constant thing in Hollywood – developing possible sequels and they’re scrapping plans for them for various reasons. Most recently, you’ll have read it here that John Travolta hated the script for the planned “Grease 3” so much that he ended up talking co-star Olivia Newton John – and anyone else associated with the movie – out of doing the movie. The film is now officially dead.
If only someone could have done the same for Travolta when he was considering “Be Cool” Huh?
Anyway, let’s take a look at some of the sequels that have been on the drawing board at one time or another, but have since been cancelled.

Freddy Vs Jason Vs Ash : Was all set to go, but Sam Raimi owned the rights to the ‘Ash’ (from “Evil Dead”) character, and he wasn’t prepared to let New Line use him for the movie. Sad, would’ve been great.

Independence Day 2: Co-creator Dean Devlin said in a recent interview that a script had been written for an ID42, but they decided against it because they didn’t believe they could top the first one. “… we thought, ‘Can we think of a disaster movie that had a good sequel?’ And we couldn’t think of one. Because … what makes it so spectacular is it’s a once-in-a-lifetime disaster.”

True Lies 2 : Unfortunately for Tom Arnold – who has been aching to do this one since, well, production wrapped on the first one – this is never going to happen. James Cameron wanted to do a sequel to the 1995 hit, but after September 11, fears its no longer appropriate – what with its terrorist themes – to do so. Co-star Jamie Lee Curtis said recently : “True Lies 2′ will never get made. Never happen, You know why? I found out why. Because terrorists aren’t funny anymore. They never were, but, it was distant enough from our psyche that we could make it funny. It’ll never be funny again”.

King Conan : A third “Conan” movie was in the works – which Arnold Schwarzenegger was expected to return for – but at the end of the day, Warner Bros decided to ditch that idea and start again. The project’s director, John Milius, said: “Warner Brothers decided they’re going to do their own version of whatever they want to do with Conan”. They’re now on the lookout for a new ‘Conan’, apparently.

Elf 2: Will Ferrell told Moviehole a couple of weeks back that although New Line were interested in doing a sequel, he wasn’t – and so he “killed it”.

Halloween Retribution : A Ninth “Halloween” movie had been in the works for a couple of years at Dimension, but the studio didn’t like any of the ideas that had been written for it – personally, I think there were a couple of good ones, and love that title 😉 – so they promptly scrapped it. Now, The Weinstein Co. have decided to simply remake the ‘first’ film – which Rob Zombie is directing. Fans are divided.

Bloodsport : A New Beginning : This was going to be Jean Claude Van Damme’s comeback movie – if there’s such a thing. Unfortunately, some legal woes got in the way and now the project is dead in the water. Another of Van Damme’s recent projects, “Kumite”, was also recently put-down.

Alien 5 : FOX tried to round up Sigourney Weaver, Ridley Scott and James Cameron to make the ‘ultimate’ “Alien” sequel – unfortunately, not all the parties were interested. Never say Never though. Weaver still says she’d do it, if they came up with a good script. “[Director] Ridley Scott and I have talked about it a couple of times. He has some ideas. If we developed a good script, I’d love to play Ripley again.”

Mortal Kombat 3 : A cost-cutting exercise, apparently, has seen the long-planned “Mortal Kombat 3”, a sequel that would’ve reunited its original cast including Christopher Lambert and Robin Shou, transform into a “Mortal Kombat” prequel that will feature none of the original stars. The new film will apparently centre on Sub-Zero, who will be the hero of the pic.

Up Country : Yet another Travolta-killed sequel. Though it was based on the worthwhile literary follow-up to “The General’s Daughter”, JT apparently never went for the screenplay adaptation of it. (Yet he went for the screenplay of “Lucky Numbers”!)

Ghostbusters 3 & 4 : Dan Aykroyd had come up with an outline for a third and fourth “Ghostbusters” movie, which would’ve fixed on “Raymond Stantz (Aykroyd) and Egon Spengler (Ramis) as they cope with Peter Venkman’s (Bill Murray) departure with Dana Barrett (Sigourney Weaver), plus their attempt to stay employed while fighting a new otherworldly entity, possibly Hades, the Greek god of the underworld.”. The studio – and Bill Murray – nixed the idea. (IGN FilmForce has a script review up here).

Poltergeist : Kayeri : A fourth “Poltergiest” movie, centering solely on the character of Stephen Freeling (Craig T.Nelson) as he again does battle with the spiteful spirits – this time, in a cabin in the Santa Ynez mountains. When MGM was sold to Sony, plans for it were scrapped.

The Goonies 2 : The original cast wanted to be in it, the director was keen, and Steven Spielberg had also expressed interest…..unfortunately, Warner Bros weren’t interested in financing it. Recent reports suggest Corey Feldman is eyeing a bank robbery.

The Nightstalkers : Ryan Reynolds and Jessica Biel were all set to reprise their “Blade Trinity” characters – Abigail Whistler and Hannibal King – for a spin-off film. Unfortunately, “Trinity” didn’t go as well as hoped, so the studio scrapped the idea.

Tron 2.0 : A sequel to the original Disney classic was in the works – Jeff Bridges had even been contacted about reprising his role as Flynn for it – but at the end of the day, the studio decided to scrap the idea and develop a remake instead.

And let’s not forget! : “Beetlejuice 2” (Burton hates repeating himself), “Total Recall 2” (Schwarzenegger’s unavailable), “Back to the Future IV” (They could never come up with an idea worth doing), “Twin Peaks : With a Thousand Angels” (company couldn’t get financing for “Peaks” prequel), “Big Trouble in Little China 2” (lack of interest), “Good Morning Chicago” (A “Vietnam” sequel that was going to happen at one point), “Hardware 2” (Never got any further than script stage), “The Lost Girls” (actually, no idea what happened here) and “XXX 3” (when the second sequel flopped, the studio wiped their hands clean of the franchise).

The Weekly Rap Sheet

Movie of the Week :
World Trade Centre

DVD of the Week
: Frontline : The Complete Series

Watched the following 5 films this week… :
1) Superman II – The Richard Donner Cut 2 ) Little Man 3 ) The Quiet 4) Mean Girls 5) The Thing

Favourite Tom Cruise movie :
Risky Business

Clint’s least Favourite Tom Cruise movie :
Vanilla Sky

been listening to…. :
The Killers new album

Happy that…. :
Robert Downey Jr is playing “Iron Man”

Not Happy that… :
Mel Gibson is still copping it

Predicting… :
The Blade franchise is rooted!

Retro Pick of the Week :
: Gremlins

Thinking that…. :
Episode 2 of “Jericho” wasn’t as good as the pilot

Star Nut of the week :
: See here

Confession of the week… :
Paid money to see “Super Mario Bros” at the theatre

This Week’s Useless bit of Advice
If you’ve got a lengthy column to write for a website, best start on it a couple of days before it is due to be posted online.

This Week We Salute :

Who? : Margot Kidder
What do I know him/her from? : Probably the “Superman” series more so than anything else, but you might also remember her from “The Amityville Horror” or “Some Kind of Hero”.
What would you say is their best film? : Easily, “Superman : The Movie”
What did you see him/her first in? Probably just that; “Superman : The Movie”
What have they been in lately? : Besides Richard Donner’s never-before-seen cut of “Superman II”, Kidder has appeared on TVs “Smallville” and the B-films “The Last Sign” and “Solace”.
They done anything dire? : Hell yeah, everything from “Superman IV” to eighty-percent of her most recent films.
They like anyone else? : A cross between Taryn Manning and Courteney Cox.
They still in work? : Yes, but barely. Currently filming a movie called “Universal Signs”, about a deaf man. Robert Picardo, of “Innerspace” fame, is her co-star.
Is their career freezing, cold, lukewarm, warm, hot or sizzling at the moment? : Lukewarm. Maybe.

5 Things You Didn’t Know About…….

“Leonard Part 6” (1987)

1. I saw this at a seaside cinema upon release. The audience was packed with whinging children.
2. Just before the release of the film, Bill Cosby appeared on several talk shows discouraging people from seeing what he considered to be a “terrible” movie.
3. The Jane Fonda workout routine that Leonard works out to was actually created just for the movie (by Jane).
4. Bill Cosby purchased the television rights to the movie so that it would never be shown on TV!
5. The film won 3 Razzie Awards including Worst Picture, Worst Actor, and Worst Screenplay. All of which were personally accepted by Bill Cosby himself.
Movie Rating :

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