Caffeinated Clint – 16/10/06


Bond, Beetlejuice and BoyTown

Caffeinated Clint
A weekly editorial Grande with a double shot
With Clint Morris

“Everwoof”, the story of a big-town city surgeon who moves to a small mountainesque community tend to the poorly locals by day, and bite the heads off their chickens by night. Coming Soon to a theatre near you.

Quarter way through coffee

Ouch. Just burnt my tongue. Not on the coffee… but with the hot tongs that the piercer just flipped down on it. Anyway, seems FOX is releasing the whole goddamn Bond series on DVD again this month. Seriously, that dude gets more outings than Bad Boy Bubby. The reason for the re-issue is that MGM have decided to let FOX release their films now – rather than Sony – apparently it’s something to do with the prospect of a “Jar Jar Binks Vs. Rocky” film (you watch, someone’s going to write into the mailbag about that one asking for more info). Rather than simply saying “Zoom fuckin’ sucked…. We don’t wanna be in the same room as the people that released that!”, MGM says they’ve moved over to FOX because “Fox has spent millions of dollars developing its third-party distribution system, and there will be a team dedicated to handling MGM product. In the past, Sony had to bundle their [product] with MGM’s. I think that we needed that individual attention. And Sony realizes that Fox is in a better position to handle it.” So anyway, ‘The James Bond Ultimate Collection’ is now available from FOX…. And to celebrate, I hear 2SSR’s King Ben’s Injection of Perfection is going to be talking to the man who put the DVD set together – no, not the guy who put the bubble wrap around its hard-casing, but the guy who assembled the discs extras and so on – on next Saturday’s show. Tune in from 12. Hey, just realised…. In little over a month “Casino Royale” is released; which means in about 6 weeks, Pierce Brosnan is going to be re-hired to play Bond again. Humour there, ya see.

Half-way through coffee

How’s this for a kick in the left one? A couple of American companies – sorry, I should say film companies, not ‘Paul Newman’s Own’ or anything – have offered to buy Mick Molloy’s new comedy “BoyTown”. Great news – no doubt Micky’s in need of a new vat of chlorine for his pool, so the money will come in handy- hey? Well, not really. You see, they want the script, but they don’t want Mick. They just “don’t get him”. Apparently they don’t understand his sense of humour, and don’t think American audiences will want to race out to see something with him in it…. Which is where I come in and say ‘What the fuck? You bankroll Crocodile Dundee in Los Angeles, you pick up a film about a bunch of Queens cruising the top of a Bus in the Dessert before casting Patrick ‘All new Face’ Swayze in the remake, you pour money into Almost an Angel, and you send Tom Selleck into the Australian dessert to shoot Dingo’s – yet, you don’t think Mick Molloy is for you?!”. Get off it, put your pants back on, and go have a long hard think about what you’re saying. This is a genuinely funny man, with genuinely funny ideas, and if you don’t snap him up now – – – we’ll be keeping him for ourselves and naming him the King of Moomba before the year is out. He’s probably the best export they can have in years…. So how about it? Let’s sell “BoyTown” as a film… a package…. With Mick Molloy in it…. Drop us a line if you’re interested, and we’ll get the ball rolling.

Three quarters the way through coffee
The Rock going direct-to-video? I really didn’t think it would happen so soon. True, though. Sony Pictures in Australia have decided to ditch the theatrical release plans for the big guy’s new movie “Gridiron Gang” and release the film – which is actually supposed to be quite good – straight to video. Now, I can assume the reason…. football movies just don’t work here in Australia. Ok, so “Friday Night Lights” made about $3 bucks at the theatre, “Coach Carter” made about $2, and “Glory Road” is premiering on DVD here – but the thing is, The Rock has a lot bigger following than the stars of those films, Billy Bob Thornton, Sam Jackson and Josh Lucas – if only just, thanks to the Ironman brigade – and in many respects, he’s this decade’s Schwarzenegger, so I really do think his film deserves a theatrical release. If even limited. So a bit disappointing for fans of The Rock…. Especially considering “Be Cool” opened on about 50,000 screens across the state and did nothing but smear yoke in the guy’s face. Thing is, I understand… we’re a small country, with lesser screens, and we just can’t have as many movies go theatrical as the states…. For instance, a few other films that screened theatrically overseas have also been confirmed as going direct-to-video here; including “Idlewind” (the shitty looking OutKast movie), the abovementioned “Zoom” (with Tim Allen), “Running Scared” (which I think might be Paul Walker’s best movie), “How to Eat Fried Worms” (think I’d rather do that than see the film), and “The Quiet” (with Elisha Cuthbert).

One sip to go

Last Week, I mentioned a few sequels that ‘nearly’ got off the ground, but never did. A reader named ‘Frigid’ (hmmm… didn’t I go to school with you, love?) sent me an email, asking whether I knew anything about the rumoured “Beetlejuice 2”.
I believe it was in an issue of Premiere magazine, in the very early 90’s, that I first read about a sequel to “Beetlejuice”. “Beetlejuice goes Hawaiian” – ha – would apparently be set in the tropics with the undead soaring the waves, dancing the limbo, and controlling the beaches. At the time, it was said to be a go-project with Michael Keaton ready and raring to reprise his role as ‘The Ghost with the Most’.
Actor Glen Shadix, who co-starred in the original film, says on his official site ( that Keaton and Burton never do things for money – only if it feels right, and unfortunately nothing’s felt right.
“Money would not be the motivating factor with those two. They have both turned down fortunes when scripts didn’t suit them. That really is the key. A great script. If a truly wonderful script were to appear, there would be a chance to see another “Beetlejuice” adventure”.
Shadix says there were a couple of scripts written for sequels in the 90’s – including the one mentioned above – but nothing ever happened. “Michael McDowall wrote one and Jonathan Gems wrote another called “Beetlejuice Goes Hawaiian”. Nothing has made the cut as of yet. Tim once said that maybe we’ll do another in about ten years. He said that exactly ten years ago.”
Ironically, Michael Keaton has been pretty vocal of late about his enthusiasm for the character. “At one point, I had the conversation with Tim, saying, “I love this movie so much; I think there’s one more in there somewhere.” he recently told The Houston Chronicle. “I would consider that, yeah, a lot”.
From what I hear though, Tim Burton isn’t interested in repeating himself – which is the only reason he never did a “Planet of the Apes 2”, like, yeah, sure – and has no plans to get involved. So, I’d say until he gives the ‘OK’ to someone else to take the reigns…. It ain’t happening.

The Weekly Rap Sheet

Movie of the Week :
The Departed

DVD of the Week
: 8 Seconds

Watched the following 5 films this week… :
1) Like Minds 2 ) Event Horizon 3 ) An Evening with Kevin Smith 2 4) Trust the Man 2 5) Save the Last Dance 2

Favourite The Rock movie :
The Scorpion King

Clint’s least Favourite The Rock movie :
Be Cool

been listening to…. :
BoyTown – Soundtrack

Happy that…. :
David Lynch’s “Inland Empire” is about to see the light of day

Not Happy that… :
David Lynch’s “Twin Peaks : Fire Walk With Me” deleted scenes will probably never see the light of day

Predicting… :
Jack Nicholson gets a nominated for his role in “The Departed”

Retro Pick of the Week :
: Predator 2

Thinking that…. :
The “Casino Royale” theme isn’t as good as the past Bond numbers

Star Nut of the week :
: See here

Confession of the week… :
The first film I paid to see in quite some time was…..”Beerfest”.

This Week’s Useless bit of Advice
If you want to produce films for Warner, become a hairdresser first.

This Week We Salute :

Who? : Kathleen LaGue
What do I know him/her from? : You probably know her best as a singer, though you’ll have seen her in films like “American Pie : Band Camp” and “Starsky & Hutch”
What would you say is their best film? : Though she only briefly appeared in it, “Wonderland”.
What did you see him/her first in? “American Pie : Band Camp”.
What have they been in lately? : She’s headlining the new horror film “Razortooth”.
They done anything dire? : A couple of pics – “All Souls Day”, for one – weren’t much chop, but she had little to do with them, so no qualm.
They like anyone else? : A bit Amber Tamblyn, a bit Jennfier Beals…. But mostly, nope.
They still in work? : Yes. Soon to be seen in “Razortooth”.
Is their career freezing, cold, lukewarm, warm, hot or sizzling at the moment? : Warm. And with her first leading role this year, it’s only going to get hotter for her.

5 Things You Didn’t Know About…….

“Dracula 2000” (2000)

1. Patrick Lussier – who directed all three films in the “Dracula” series – was keen to do a TV series spin-off, too. It never came to fruition.
2. Scott Derrikson was hired to re-write the script at one stage, but his script was discarded.
3. A giant mask replica of Bela Lugosi as Dracula can be seen in a Mardi Gras parade.
4. In a scene, set within a record store, featuring singer Vitamin C – who acted under her real name, Colleen Fitzpatrick – you can clearly see her latest CD behind her in the background.
5. The first film that Patrick Lussier and Nathan Fillion worked on together – they would later re-team for “White Noise 2”.
Movie Rating :

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