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Gossip Monkey – 13/01/07

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Hollywood Insider’s weekly wank… um, I mean writings




Hey there fellow Movieholers. Yes, I have probably written the site’s official name correctly for the first time ever. Now, how long have I known my Master Clint for? I used to place hyphen in there, just like people do with Catherine Zeta Jones’ name. Why on Earth is that hyphenated? It’s a middle name for Evan’s sake! You see it on web sites, in newspapers, TV titling, magazine front pages and even movie posters. Catherine Zeta-Jones. It’s not a double-barrelled last name. If so, her new legal name could be Zeta-Jones-Douglas. Back in the days of when she was a relatively unknown talent, pursuing both an acting and singing career, people used to ask what an unusual name, how did that come about. I’m sure she was named after one of her Grans. But folks, you know what Clint was originally going to call Moviehole? Clint’s Hole. I am serious. He knew Exactly what he was naming it after, too. Thankfully someone put a stop to that pretty quick. I believe he and Garth Franklin were also wondering what their site would be called if they decided to combine Moviehole and Dark Horizons? Their solution? Dark Hole. I shit you not.

Anyway, enough of that little rant. New Year moans I guess. I was informed the other day that January 8th in the UK is the most common day for couples to part, to split up or divorce. I’m back in the UK – for “The Fountain” duties – and Princess is currently Stateside. I hope this ‘tradition’ doesn’t have an affect on us. Despite our distance, everything is going cool. I’m mega exhausted. Planes, trains and automobiles have taken its toll upon me. It’s incredibly dull here weather-wise. It’s dark, gloomy and extremely windy. I felt a little low the other day, however. With everything. You name it. Family. Princess. Work. Housing. I miss my Lady Monkey sincerely. She’s a real London girl at heart and not having her around to share this city with me, well, it just seems a bit lonesome. Maybe I’m suffering from that SAD syndrome. The Seasonal Adjustment Disorder. As nice and fortunate as it and indeed I would be, I hope Guinness don’t start sponsoring me!

Maybe I should have begun with this, before the whole ramble. Heard a little whisper – can’t keep a secret around here – that Clint, Tosia and the Courier are expecting a baby. Myself and Princess wish you every inch of happiness and health, my friends. Now make the most of your life – because it’ll END in a few months.

Talking of a painful exit. The dead former Russian spy, which had news teams in the UK reporting on it daily making it come across like an episode of ‘24’, is to be made into a movie. Yes, the story of Alexander Litvinenko is said to have been snapped up for Warners and Johnny Depp’s company Infinitum Nihil. Really? “Sasha’s Story: The Death of a Russian Spy” by journo Alan Cowell is based on the spy, who, when died of ‘polonium 2-10’ poisoning, was reported in such a way that it came across as ‘poor, poor former Russian KGB man’. Hmm, you know, most of these guys, current and former, you don’t want to meet in a dark alley or piss them off in any way. A horrible death certainly, but I’m sure he wasn’t completely innocent in his day either. AND he was buried in Highgate Cemetery, which I highly recommend to those vacating to London visit. A Victorian cemetery which has tours on the hour and if you wanna be buried there yourself when you die, there’s some mega waiting list and it costs a plenty. I’m sure this will all feature in a movie once one gets going. I’m a skeptic, cynical, conspiracy theorist. No-one’s innocent in that murky world.

Moving on. David Beckham, the footballer/soccer star, has inked a deal to move to the team LA Galaxy. What has this got to do with movies? Nothing. Yet. His Spice Girls wife, Victoria ‘Posh’ is naturally pleased and I’m certain it wont be too long before one, or both end up producing or no doubt starring in a movie of their own, especially as their new extremely good friends are the Cruise family. I wish the Beckhams well. They’ll be bigger than they are already, I’m sure of it.

This one time, at Bond Camp. Ah, I missed it out last week, didn’t I? I was told in the week that Daniel Craig is up for a BAFTA (the boring Brit version of the Academy Awards), for his role as James Bond. Best actor? C’mon? It’s Bond! And Best Film goes to… Pink Panther 2!

What has Pete done to deserve a ban from making ‘The Hobbit’ movie? He’s the best guy in the world to do it. Bizarre. Both New Line and Jackson made huge amounts of cash. Equally? I don’t know, but ‘The Hobbit’ would make cash registers chime if he did it. Can you ban someone from ever making a particular movie? I guess so. Man, where could we start with that….?

Is Penelope really?

Mike Myers is up for playing The Who’s Keith Moon in a biopic which is said to be lensing in 2008, due to his other full on commitments.

Remember that TV show in the 80’s? No, not that one, or that one, or the other one. C’mon, the other one which starred Edward Woodward as ‘The Equalizer’. Well, it’s apparently getting the Hollywood treatment with ‘Lucky Number Slevin’ helmer Paul McGuigan taking directing duties. A good choice. Slevin was a surprisingly good film. Slick writing and good performances. You could use the same cast you had in that, Paul? Willis taking the Woodward role – (but with a wig please, no bald stuff) and Josh as the younger guy and, well, you know what you’re doing.

Colin Farrell is set to join Ralph Fiennes and Brendon Gleeson in the hitman flick ‘In Bruges’ about a pair of assassins taking refuge in the chocolaty city in Belgium.

Kelly Brook has split with Billy Zane. Both very nice people. You see, it must be that whol January 8th thing cos Justin and Cameron have parted too. Good to see that wrestler guy John Cena lift and twirl and slam Kevin Federline down hard. Maybe all these guys who break their partner’s hearts should be made to fight John Cena. All the girls who break their partner’s hearts should be made to watch the entire Adam Sandler film catalogue. I could think of worse, but it’s New Year after all.

Looking forward to ‘Bobby’ and I’ve yet to see ‘Apocalypto’, though a pal says it’s amazing. ‘Rocky Balboa’ is for me next week too.

Right, lastly, I’ve noticed Clint’s Mrs has been placing some quotes in there for Caffinated Clint and so I wondered if Princess, who is a fair number of years younger than myself, could have a brief quote too, as she reels off some memorable sayings quite often. (No, I have the patent on that!!– Mrs Clint)

One thing in particular was this: “The good thing about you having a young girlfriend is that when I reach the age of your friend’s wives, they’ll be wrinkled and I’ll still be pretty fresh looking.”

Isn’t it just Zen-like? Love it.

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About Caffeinated Clint

The writer/publicist/producer who wears the editor hat on Moviehole. Favorite films include "Say Anything...", "The Hunt for Red October", "Jerry Maguire", "Almost Famous", "Die Hard", "The Girl With The Dragon Tattoo", "Young Guns", "American Psycho", "Back to the Future" and the "Star Wars" series.
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