Yep, we speak to the man himself
To coincide with the release of “Borat: Cultural Learnings of America for Make Benefit Glorious Nation of Kazakhstan”, Moviehole talked to the man himself, Borat, about his debut feature. Keep the kids eyes away!
Why have you choose to make this movie?
I was give honour to make this moviefilm by Kazakh Ministry of Information. They had initial plan send me to Europe for make a documentary, but I could not get visa for travel there, due to sex crime mis-understanding. This have now been resolve since I prove the horse was over seven years of age. The purpose of travel to US and A was for learn lessons for Kazakhstan and help improve our nation. This mission was accomplish and my country can now boasting excellent healthcare system, very nice roads and the the lowest level of unemployment for childrens younger than 11 in all of Central Asia.
What kind of people would you like to bring to the cinema?
I is hope all types of people come see this moviefilm – there is something for everyone: discussion about politik for adults, popular musics from Korki Butchek for teenagers and some jokes about jews for the small childrens. But I must warnings, as this film contain extreme violences, very rude languages and a close-up of a man’s shrivelled bishkek, it have have receive most extreme rating from Kazakh censor – meaning it unsuitable for anyone below age of 3.
You’re surrounded by crooks and prostitutes, how have you managed to be this nice guy?
I like to be nice, why not !? It is nice ! Everyone in my family have always be nice – people say my father was the nicest rapist in his village – everybody like him !
How do you accept the fact that your mother and your sisters are prostitute?
My mother is not prostitute, but my sister is. This have obvious brought shame to my family, but we cannot fix it ; no matter how hard she try, my mother cannot get anyone to pay her for sexytime.
Coming from a retarded area of the world, how do you like your new star power?
My stars power is not new, since was I already fourth most famous person in Kazakhstan. Number three is ex Olympic gymnast Lily Utmarkan who now perform in Kazakh State Circus where she famous for be able to put one foot in ear while other in her vagine. Number two is our glorious Premier Nazarbayez and number one is animal actor Jonny The Monkey who dress like Humphry Bogarts and smokes cigarettes.
Do you see BORAT as a thought provocative movie, a East against West feature or just a fucked-up documentary?
I do not know how you can suggesting this documentary was fuck up ? My movie is most successful film in Kazakh history. It open simultaneous on all 7 of our country’s screens and was blockbusterings ! It take top spot from Hollywood movie, ‘King Kong’, which had been number one film in Kazakhstan ever since it was release in 1934.
Is this movie the end of Borat’s career?
Kazakh Ministry of Information have say that if this movie is not success, it will not only be end of my career, but also end of my life, because I will be execute.
What would be the most interesting character to interview : Bush or Bin Laden? And why?
I would very much like meet mighty US Warlord, Premier Bush. He wise man and almost as strong as his father Barbara. We very much admire much of his policys – for examples American justice systems. We have recent also introduce death penalty for serious crimes – such as murder, cleaning anoos with flag and baking bagels.
Who would you call a pussy and why?
I would call my neighbour, Nursultan Tulyakbay a pussy because he a very childish man who recent call me a pussy.
What is your ultimate goal in journalism?
I would very much to be a serious and respected journalist employed by the Kazakh Ministry of Propoganda and Corruption.
What is your favorite mixtape?
I am current listen to ‘Bing Bang’ by Korki Butchek, ‘Mouth Party Party’ by Popstar Billy Sexcrime. ‘Everbody Dancing Now’ by C and C Music Manufacturing Plant, ‘Girls Just Want To Have Fuck’ by Cyndis Laupers, and also ‘Candling The Winds’ by bald homosexual Eltonjohn. My favourites album is new release by chocolate face, Michael Jacksons – ‘Beat It’.
What name would you give to God?
We in Kazakhstan follow the hawk. Closest we have to worship a God is Fearless Crusader, Mel Gibsons.
What is the best part in the U.S?
I like very much New York Cities. I make many many friends there and learn many new thing. My most favourite new bestfriend in New Yorks was a professor of driving who instruct me on how to operate motorcar. At first I very nervous to travel alone in vehicle with another man because only time this happen in Kazakhstan is to travel to edge of forest and make bang bang bang in anoos. I was also very surprise to see that womens can drive cars in US and A. We say in Kazakhstan that ‘to let a woman drive a car is like to let a monkey fly a plane’. We do not allow this anymore since the 2003 Astana air crash.
In the trailer of the movie, you say you will be executed by your Government if your film is not a success. Do you feel a lot of pressure right now?
No, I am feelings very confident – my moviefilm have already open in Kazakhstan and was blockbustering! It took top spot from Hollywood film, ‘King Kong’ – which had been number one in Kazakhstan ever since it was release in 1933. I also reassured that even if I am execute by mistake, my Government recent introduce compensation package for families in these circumstances of clock-radio and box of chocolate toffees.
How are your personal relations to your President, Mr. Nazarbayev? Will he come to the premiere?
Reports that Kazakhstan is unhappy with with me is actually lying propaganda from assholes Uzbekistan – who as everyone knows is very nosey people with a bone in the middle of their brains. My glorious leader, Premier Nazarbayev is, in fact, very proud of my film and recently travelled to Washingtons DC to promote it. While he was there, he become great friend with US Premier, George Walter Bush and teach him how to crush glass in his hand and suspend car battery from his testes for almost 5 seconds. If there is one more item of Uzbeki propaganda claiming that we do not drink fermented horse urine, give death penalty for cleaning anoos with Kazakh flag, or export over 300 tons of human pubis per year, then we will have no alternative but to commence bombardment of their cities with our catapults.
Your president has a beautiful and well-known daughter, Dariga. Have you had the chance to shag her? Or if not, would you like to in the future?
She like royalty and cannot be used for sexytime by any Kazakh men – including our Premier himself or even animal actor Jonny The Monkey.
Sadly, the 2003 Tulyakev reforms abolished a lot of the cultural heritage of the Kazakh people. How do you feel about this “progress”?
We is very proud of the new modern Kazakhstan and do not miss the barbarics past. Please, you must come see for yourselves – if you have family, you can stay at new resort, ‘Astana Funworld’ – where there is luxury cages for the wifes, unlimited buffet of Turkmenistani prostitutes for the husbands and an enclosure where childrens can shoot squirrel, dog and gypsy.
In your work, you have closely followed the role of Jews on world politics. What would be your recommendation for solving the Israeli-Palestinian conflict?
I do not know. We is much more concerned with assholes Uzbekistan getting weapons of mass destruction. It is rumoured that within ten years they will have technology to build their own catapults.
The Uzbek imposter that spread lies about Kazakhstan in Washington recently, has he been caught? Or will a military response form your country be necessary?
He is current being hunt by our agents – we think he have fled back to Uzbekistan and we is using all our best skills to find him, including asking people if they are him and looking at people to see if they resembles him.
Since you have a strong history of mental retardation in your family – do you sometimes feel you’re going crazy, too?
There is not strong history of mental retardation in my family – it only 40%. Also, I personal am highly educate – I has degree in Plague Research from Astana Universtiy. I was responsible for create three new ones! One of them was sprayed on Uzbekistan and kill 2 millions goat!
I know a two-year old who likes to see you very much on TV. Will she really have to miss the film because it’s only suitable for children aged three?
She can watch Kazakh Teletubbies instead. My 11 yr old son Bilak recednt start as actor in it! He still very nervous about appear on camera…especial for the sex scenes. I do not know why – he have a magnificent chram – circumference 16.7cm – he should be proud to show it to the other childrens.