By Clint Morris
Going to see a film spin-off of a TV series youâ€™ve never seen is like joining a sports team mid-way through the season, so was I glad to discover that ”Reno 911: Miami” was no less a remake of ”Police Academy 5: Assignment Miami Beach”!
Thatâ€™s a joke, but Iâ€™m not far off the mark. You see, the feature film spawn of the Comedy Centralâ€™s COP spoof is about as original as casting Dennis Hopper in a direct-to-video action movie â€“ and near just as entertaining; but not quite.
The film fixes on a rag-tag team of Reno cops who are called in to save the day after a terrorist attack disrupts a national police convention in Miami Beach during spring break. Naturally, they screw things up.
The main problem with ”Reno 911!: Miami” isnâ€™t so much that it (and the series it’s based on) is merely a series of unused scenes from bad ”Police Academy” sequels (or an amalgamation of unfilmed sequences from Broken Lizardâ€™s ”Super Troopers” â€“ of which this shares many similarities; sans the â€˜its funnyâ€™ part), but the more so the fact that thereâ€™s just nothing in it. Itâ€™s as hollow as a toilet roll. The jokes are flat; the performances arenâ€™t that amusing and itâ€™s all seemingly been put together so fast-and-on-the-fly that nobodies bothered to wait till they â€˜came up with a good oneâ€™.
The bad news is, the film didnâ€™t make a hell of a lot but it did quadruple itâ€™s $10 million dollar budget, so chances are youâ€™ll be seeing this unfunny bunch of officers back on the beat real soon.
An audio commentary, extended scenes, blooper reel and public service announcements. Also, there’s a “Lost Version” of the film – essentially all the deleted scenes slapped together. A waste of disc space.
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Against the Current - the band, not adventures in dangerous swimming 101
Zedd - If our love is tragedy, why are you my remedy? (Well, answer my question!)
Arrow (Okay, Felicity from Arrow!)
Chrissy Costanza (cat eyes and buttery lyrics!)
Girls (TV) (Okay, Allison Williams!)
Movies - especially when they play in the dark.
Twin Peaks (TV)
Friends (TV) (It had me at "No way are you cool enough to pull Clint"; damn straight, Chandler!)
Traveling - preferably where water is, so I can splash someone!
Star Wars trilogy - no, the other one, fella!
Alex G - far more talented than her younger brother Alex H
Cameron Crowe movies - Say Anything..., Jerry Maguire, Almost Famous
The sign 'Free Wi-Fi'.
Reenacting dance/song scenes from "Grease" with my little girl (hey! Wait till you see my 'Summer Lovin'! - don't judge)
Die Hard - 40 stories of Sheer Adventure!
Alex Goot & Friends (his enemies aren't half as talented!)
Cooking up a nice dish and sitting in the entertainment area, on a cool night, basking in it's greatness.
Inflatable kids pools full of Vodka Lime Crush.
Acidic Email from angry, over passionate teenagers after I trash something "Twilight"-related on the site. Sparkle elsewhere.
My baby girl's big, caring heart.