By Clint Morris
Thanks to the impermanent success of gory exploitation flicks like “Hostel”, we’ve been inundated with a slew of copycat films that are all about evoking unplanned toilet stops – Pity most of them are about as fun as wiping your ass after such a trip.
Whilst toilet tissue’s bound to be the last thing on your mind – then again, check out the lead – whilst watching Roland Joffe’s “Captivity” – if only because it’s star, Elisha Cuthbert, is real easy on the eyes – you could easily fill up an exercise book with things that might be potentially more exciting. And yes, doing your maths homework would be right up there.
Having said that, side-by-side with the recent “Hostel Part II” (yep, the fans clambered for more), and it might just prove the better film. With an interesting plot twist just past the half-way mark (though thinking about it later, it’s a fairly obvious one), some reasonably effective production values and a pretty lead (not that “Hostel II” didn’t have it’s share of foxes, too), it near passes muster.
In it, Cuthbert (Kimmy Bauer from “24”) plays a sexy supermodel whose kidnapped with her chauffeur (“Spider-Man 2″ star Daniel Gillies). Seems a serial killer has them boxed in in some kind of dungeon. After they’ve bumped uglies, they might even try and get out of there.
Like a lot of these films, the filmmakers seem to be determined to bog the film down in as much sickly and unnecessarily distasteful imagery as they can and ultimately – and this is where the “Saw” films have gone wrong too – it loses the viewer because of it. Sometimes not showing everything is more effective than displaying someone’s guts hanging off a wall heater – the mind is the most imaginative beast of all, after all. To be informed of someone’s acid-scarred flesh is one thing, to be shown it is – well, frickin’ disgusting.
Alternate ending, deleted scenes and a making-of accompany the movie.
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Against the Current - the band, not adventures in dangerous swimming 101
Zedd - If our love is tragedy, why are you my remedy? (Well, answer my question!)
Arrow (Okay, Felicity from Arrow!)
Chrissy Costanza (cat eyes and buttery lyrics!)
Girls (TV) (Okay, Allison Williams!)
Movies - especially when they play in the dark.
Twin Peaks (TV)
Friends (TV) (It had me at "No way are you cool enough to pull Clint"; damn straight, Chandler!)
Traveling - preferably where water is, so I can splash someone!
Star Wars trilogy - no, the other one, fella!
Alex G - far more talented than her younger brother Alex H
Cameron Crowe movies - Say Anything..., Jerry Maguire, Almost Famous
The sign 'Free Wi-Fi'.
Reenacting dance/song scenes from "Grease" with my little girl (hey! Wait till you see my 'Summer Lovin'! - don't judge)
Die Hard - 40 stories of Sheer Adventure!
Alex Goot & Friends (his enemies aren't half as talented!)
Cooking up a nice dish and sitting in the entertainment area, on a cool night, basking in it's greatness.
Inflatable kids pools full of Vodka Lime Crush.
Acidic Email from angry, over passionate teenagers after I trash something "Twilight"-related on the site. Sparkle elsewhere.
My baby girl's big, caring heart.