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Caffeinated Clint – 10/1/08

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Englund said What!?

Howdy folks –

What’s cooking? Hope you folks in the states are keeping warm. Hope you folks down under are swimming under a slushie machine at your local 7-Eleven. Hope you guys everywhere else have heard of slushie machines.

You know I’m not a fan of remakes, right? You know that, right? Bar a couple (I thought the “Hitcher” and “Halloween” remakes had their moments – if only because they tried something new) they’ve all been about as fun as having sex with an Omega Moo.

My wife is a huge fan of Freddy Krueger…. Huge fan. Every time I want a reaction out of her I mention that “they’re going to remake A Nightmare on Elm Street next”. I tell ya, I always make sure I’m not in the kitchen when I tell her – of anywhere else we keep knives, plates or tools that could wound.

But tonight when she returns home from work I’m going to have to tell her that it is a possibility – for real. “A Nightmare on Elm Street” could be getting the 2.0 treatment, at least it sounds the way.

But this is the worst part…. You wouldn’t believe who’s championing it?!

Someone rip a bit of Robert Englund’s skin off please! I want to see what’s under there! Is it alien? I betcha it friggin’ is (that was my “V : The Final Battle” reference for the day)…. It’d have to be, a human would never knock back a gig, but more so, money.

In an interview with FEARnet, the man behind Freddy Krueger’s telephone tongue says he thinks the powers-that-be should remake the original “A Nightmare on Elm Street”. Er, what?!

What that means is that Englund would not – I doubt it anyway; most remakes never use the same cast – be reprising his role as the sleep-slaughterer! Can you imagine it? A Freddy film without Englund? – – – -Without Englund’s devilish laugh? I’d rather stick a transformer up my rear end than sit through that. It’d be like watching an “Evil Dead” movie without Bruce Camp….oh, yeah, forgot. Ahem.

Englund, whose barely had a success outside of the “Elm Street” series, tells the site that from what he’s heard, the next ‘Elm Street’ could be a remake. It isn’t “a bad idea” says the actor, “especially with the success of Texas Chainsaw Massacre and Halloween-and get some new director to breathe new life into it.”

Yes, it is a bad idea – the first “Elm Street” still holds up. It’s a classic. I’ve said it before, and I’ll say it again – if you want to make some more money out of a classic like that, just touch it up and re-issue the bitch!

Tell me this isn’t still a GOLD film?!

“I don’t know if you’d want to remake it but it all happens sooner or later”, Englund says.

It doesn’t have to though. Englund would be the one to convince Wes ‘I’ll do anything if the price is right’ Craven not to sign away on an “Elm Street” remake… would he not?!

Thankfully, Englund quickly turned the conversation towards the long-gestating “Elm Street” prequel movie – which would chronicle the early years of young Fred Krueger.

“I always thought there was room for a prequel. I would be interested in being in that!”

I agree. That’d be a great story to tell. There’s actually somewhere to go there.

Englund has always waved a flag for the film – but mentions he’s still yet to see the script (I believe there is one – I think it’s called “Elm Street : The First Kills”) for the film.

‘’I haven’t read that script but I heard things about it that John McNaughton the director of Henry: Portrait of a Serial Killer might direct it. That was kind of interesting. That’s the one I would be interested in being involved with’’

‘’I’d obviously get to do it without the make up. Even though I’m getting old I’m not getting too old to play Freddy. I always figured by the time he was all burned and everything I figured he was in his 40’s anyway. I could pull that off. It’s going to be interesting to see what they do with it.’’

Hell, I hope Bob Shaye didn’t see this interview….. it might’ve just gave him a few ideas (hopefully he skipped over the ‘remake’ part and went straight to the ‘prequel’ discussion though).

I’d much rather see a sequel – yes, a mother-fuckin’ “Nightmare on Elm Street 50” – than a remake starring Brittany Snow as Nancy, and Gerard Butler as Fred Krueger. What about you?

Speaking of remakes, it’s sounding less and less likely that those “Superman” rumours of last week were legit. Well, some of it was legit – Bryan Singer might not be involved in the next one – but the bit about a ‘reboot’ and a ‘New’ actor as Superman was a bit premature. Apparently Brandon Routh still has the gig. Which is just as good for him… because his sexy Mrs wants some new panties, and if Routh wants to see her in them… he best keep his job.

Oh, and by the way, you few that haven’t returned my SMS’s yet – do it. I don’t send you messages for nothing, ya know! I don’t exercise my typing finger because it’s entering the Beijing Olympics… I want you to answer my question. And before next New Years Eve! I understand that you have to have a free hand to text me back… but surely you’ve got to get sore eventually, right?

Anyway, too hot to stick around here any longer…. And with the potatoes, roast lamb and apple pie in here, it’s getting too crowded anyway.

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About Caffeinated Clint

The writer/publicist/producer who wears the editor hat on Moviehole. Favorite films include "Say Anything...", "The Hunt for Red October", "Jerry Maguire", "Almost Famous", "Die Hard", "The Girl With The Dragon Tattoo", "Young Guns", "American Psycho", "Back to the Future" and the "Star Wars" series.
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