By Clint Morris
Billy Bob Thornton has been abducted by extra terrestrials. Itâ€™s the only likely explanation.
I mean, would the talented star of â€œSling Bladeâ€, â€œMonster’s Ballâ€, â€œA Simple Planâ€, â€œPrimary Coloursâ€ and â€œThe Man Who Wasn’t Thereâ€ have chosen to do â€œThe Astronaut Farmerâ€, â€œDaddy and Themâ€, â€œSchool for Scoundrelsâ€, â€œThe Badgeâ€, â€œThe Alamoâ€ and, god forbid, a remake of â€œBad News Bearsâ€? Nah, I donâ€™t think so â€“ only a fool with the inability to pick a pear from a plum wouldâ€™ve agreed to star in half of those picturesâ€¦. Or a brainless clone.
And while NASA searches for the alien mother ship, the â€˜impostorâ€™ continues his reign of terror below on solid groundâ€¦ this time via â€œMr. Woodcockâ€.
A successful author of motivational books (Seann William Scott) returns home to his hick town in an effort to stop his mother (Susan Sarandon) from marrying his old high school gym teacher (Thornton), a man who made high school hell for generations of students. There’s a message in there about ‘Letting go of your Past’ but I believe it’s been overshadowed by too many scenes of kids being forced to do push-up’s by their gym teacher.
Take Thornton and Susan Sarandon out of the picture and this empty carcass wouldâ€™ve indisputably gone straight to DVD â€“ thereâ€™s nothing in it; no good gags, nothing much of a storyline, and not a singular memorable scene. Itâ€™s a waste of time â€“ for both you, and the talent involved. And you know when Seann William Scott (Stifler from â€œAmerican Pieâ€) seems to be trying harder than Thornton that something’s not right.
Hopefully the Billy Bob we know and love can convince the point-eared captors to return to earth real soon. We miss him.
Nothing special, just some deleted/alternate scenes and a couple of ho-hum featurettes.