Caffeinated Clint

Caffeinated Clint – 8/9/08

Whatcha all think of the new “90210”? Didn’t quite, er, ‘Gel’ did it? A little too ‘crackin’ for me, needed more…something.. (electric guitar, maybe?). Oh, and what’s with The Peach Pit being transformed from cool looking 60s diner into a swish contemporary snobbery!? Tears swelling up in the eyes as I type. I’ll give it another couple of weeks before I make my final decision – but you’re not doing yourself any favours by tearing down Nat’s heart-and-soul. Tsk, Tsk.

“Um, Er, What Movie is This? and Why is that unshaven sod holding a Dildo!?”

When I was about 18 years old, I enrolled in a Hospitality Course at University. Sounded like a great idea at the time – if only because I’d get to spend each day tapping kegs at a bar; how cool, right? Wrong. Within weeks I realized I’d signed up for something I was from suited to. Order drinks I could do – and well. Take drink orders? Not so much. And I believe it was around the moment when the lecturers had us ‘balance eggs on plates’ – that’s how they teach you to balance food plates, several at a time, on your arm, without dropping them- which led to me conveniently smashing a couple of the caged offspring all over the floor, that I decided to surrender. The flag came up. The plate was put down. I mercifuly retired from the hospitality game.

It’s funny how something that sounded so much fun, and looked – from the outset – like a real learning experience, could turn into both a chore and a bore. It’s a learning experience, I guess.

“My Best Friend’s Girl” is Kate Hudson’s Hospitality course. She doesn’t have to balance any eggs, nor does she serve any drinks, but she does have to share the screen with a still-relatively-unproven comedian and, er, Biggsy (Jason Biggs of “American Pie” fame – is fame even the appropriate word here? What about infamy? Does that work better?) for an hour-and-a-half – something she shouldn’t be doing. What was she thinking? The girl is as out of place here as a Hooker at a Beverly Hills Hotel. (Yes, I know, her last film “Fool’s Gold” wasn’t exactly a classy pic – but it starred Matthew McConaughey, Donald Sutherland and Ray Winstone… three huge stars. Even Paul Newman would come out of retirement to work with such an ensemble – OK, maybe not Newman… but Rick Moranis, definitely!).

I’m not saying I’m a huge fan of Hudson’s – in fact, I’m not really; I find most of her performances about as flat, as, er, her chest – I’m just saying she doesn’t belong in this one. She’s a different type of actress – she’s almost an (I transform into Cate Blanchett every time I say this word) ‘Artiste’. This is a movie for those-that-almost-expect-it-to-straight-to-video-and-wont-care-too-much-otherwise.

Not that it’s a bad film, it isn’t, in fact I liked quite hard in several scenes, but it’s definitely not a film that screams ‘A-list actress required for third-fiddle girlfriend role!’. Wasn’t Emmanuelle Chiriqi available? Couldn’t the producers get financing with Jessica Biel in the role? Was Kristen Bell busy with her TV commitments?

Bottom line : Hudson is a stand-out in “My Best Friend’s Girl” – just not in a good way. She stands-out because she’s swimming at a back-beach her agent should’ve steered her away from – she’s going to get eaten alive here. I think Dane Cook is great – I do, I really do; for once I’m not being sarcastic – and even Jason Biggs is good at ‘what he does’ (Google him, I’m sure you’ll find the answer to what he actually does), but Hudson isn’t the third-wheel their comedy cart needs. She, in fact, takes you out of the picture. That role needed to be ‘cast down’ not up.

Cook plays the same old character he does in every other film he’s done – OK, perhaps not “Mr. Brooks” – “an asshole” gigolo. He’s the guy that men hire to date their ex-girlfriends. The plan is, he takes the ex on a nightmarish date to prove to her that their ex-lover wasn’t that bad at all. Before the night’s over, she’ll be calling her old flame begging for him to come back.

Kate Hudson is the well-to-do but sex-starved waif who dumps poor Jason Biggs – who has just confessed his love for her after only five weeks of dating.

Biggsy’s character just happens to be Cook’s best friend -and, of course, he knows exactly what his slutty smart-arsey best bud does… and decides to take advantage of it.
Thing is, when Cook meets Hudson he falls head…. You can guess the rest (Oh, they play The Cars song ‘My Best Friend’s Girl’ about twenty times throughout the movie – just in case you forget what the film’s titled).

Despite the rather ho-hum script, there’s some genuinely funny moments in the film – largely thanks to Cook, who has the ‘funny prick’ thing down – and a really wonderful supporting cast (Alec Baldwin’s a welcome addition as Cook’s equally promiscuous father). Howard Deutch’s film – remember him? He did “Pretty in Pink” way back when – also has quite the sweet side, in much the same way Biggsy’s “American Pie” movies did.

But Hudson, she’s the weak link here. I just don’t buy it for a second that she’d want to cozy up to a sleaze like Cox – heck, I don’t even buy it for a second that she’s starved of sex. Think Keanu Reeves in Francis Ford Coppola’s “Dracula” – and you get the picture. A no-fit. I know, maybe they needed a name actress to get financing for this thing… still.

It just didn’t work for me, or the film, that bit of casting. If you’re a fan of Cook though – and I know some of you out there are; my wife included – you’ll get a couple of good laughs out of the film.

I don’t know why I brought this up – the movie, not today’s lunch – actually. Maybe just to illustrate how important casting the right person in the right role is. I’m now having flashbacks of George Clooney’s Batman… Oh, the horror!

Gotta watch out for those Hospitality Courses – they’ll suck you in every time.

Ghostbusters work for the Internet

“And that’s kicking your ass” – Drew Barrymore said it in “Charlie’s Angels”. Now I’m saying it to everyone that is still of the belief that the Internet holds about as much power and influence as Uwe Boll at a director’s forum.

This weekend, it was reported that something-that-was-originally-only-a-web-rumour – and one that was later proven untrue! – was now a reality. The studio had obviously seen the bullshit rumour and decided it was so good, they’d use it.

Here’s the original story :

When bullshit rumour turns fact.

Seems Hollywood are now beseeching their ideas from the debunked scoops of such websites as, well, the one you’re reading.

Remember the ‘quickly slammed’ rumour that had Judd Apatow involved in a “Ghostbusters 3”? one that would possibly feature some of Judd’s usual cohorts, Seth Rogen, Paul Rudd and so on?

Both the studio and everyone else mentioned in the rumour denied it. Seth Rogen, for one, had never even heard the rumour but loved the idea of appearing in a “Ghostbusters” movie. I think it’s safe to say it “was” a bogus rumour at that time.

Obviously a few ties at Sony heard about the rumour though – and that lead to them greasing the wheels on a new “Ghostbusters” movie (announced last week). Not only that, “Ghostbusters” star Harold Ramis now tells The Chicago Tribune that Judd Apatow may be involved – as may some of his acting troupe buddies.

How cool is that?! Someone makes up a bullshit rumour, it gets quickly debunked before someone at the studio says ‘Hmm, ya know what, that’s not a bad idea. Let’s steal that prankster’s phony proposal!”.

Ramis also mentions that the script will apparently see the ‘old’ Ghostbusters hand over the old ambulance to some ‘new’ Ghostbusters. Hmmm. Now that sounds suspiciouslly familiar too.

Oh, and Bill Murray – the one actor who was also skeptical about doing another “Ghostbusters” movie – will be back, says Ramis. “In Some Capacity”, Dan Aykroyd informed him. Hmmm. Reading between the lines, I’d say that sounds like Murray will be back for a cameo – and that’s about it. Still, as long as he’s in it.

Ramis, Aykroyd and original “Ghostbusters” director Ivan Reitman will be consultants on the film, says Ramis. So… what does this mean? Judd’s directing? Someone else? Why not Ivan? Too many bad Schwarzenegger movies since the last “Ghostbusters” adventure?

Johnny Butane, editor of Dread Central, the site that published the original “Ghostbusters 3” rumour mentioned above, says he’s not convinced that studios are doing everything we present to them- but they must be listening.

‘’It’s hard to say if it’s the internet having some power over studio decisions or just a matter of timing, really. In this particular case the rumor came from the floors of Comic Con, so it could’ve just been a chain reaction of suggestion, but the fact that Ramis is working on a new GB that’s being written by the two guys who wrote his latest film, which Judd Apatow is producing, is more than just coincidence.

“In a more general sense, though, I think there is something to be said for certain websites being given attention by studios when it comes to making some minor decisions, but nothing major like greenlighting a brand-new remake or sequel or anything”

Agreed. Whilst nobody here at Moviehole will ever be able to convince Warner Bros to cast Steven Seagal as ‘The Riddler’ in the next “Batman” movie, or inspire Universal to let Kevin Smith direct a sequel to ‘Mallrats”, I do think – on a minor level – we do carry a bit of weight (if only because I’m currently piggybacking Rosie O’ Donnell). If enough of us webmasters – heck, not even webmasters; readers too – mention incessantly how against we are of something, or even if you guys in the forum carry on about a certain casting appointment, chances are your opinion will be taken into consideration by someone with a Hellrasier lunch-box behind their desk.

Personally, I’ve been asked by many filmmakers – be it writers, producers or directors – what I think of a certain person in a role, or even for suggestions. Every day I can count on at least ten or so emails being from someone in the industry asking for an opinion – or just to butter me up. I even get asked to read scripts so they can get feedback. It’s nice to know the opinion means something. The late Stan Winston, for instance, used to read the site to see what people were saying about the film’s he was working on. Loved that guy.

Clint, thanks for suggesting we add nipples to our heroes suit. It’s a great idea! – Joel Schumacher, 1997

Marvel’s Avi Arad is one guy that’s taking a lot of notice of what you guys like, don’t like and would like to see when it comes to the films Marvel are making.

“I used to hate the Internet,” Arad told USA Today. “I thought it was just a place where people stole our products. But I see how influential these fans can be when they build a consensus, which is what we seek. I now consider them filmmaking partners.”

“The sites are great for casting help,” Arad says. “These are people who grew up with their heroes in mind. You won’t ever get everyone to agree on one actor, but they can tell you if you’re going in the right direction.”

This whole “Ghostbusters 3” thing isn’t the first time the internet – you guys – have had an influence on the decision-makers of Hollywood (and again, we’re just assuming you have). Whilst I’m not saying they greenlight movies based on what the internet community wants – I will say they are listening… if even in sporadic bursts.

Christian Bale as Batman? Warner Bros laughed at the idea when it was first presented to them. According to them, Bale was box-office poison – and they’d be right; “Equilibrium” and “Reign of Fire” were monster duds. The one person they didn’t need carrying their new Batman series was someone who couldn’t open a movie. They needed a star. A star that would not only get bums on seats, but embody Batman.
What happened? Bale starting mentioning in interviews – he even let a few webmasters like myself know via email – that he was interested in playing Batman. He convinced us that he was the right guy for the role. All of a sudden, Bale found himself with a plethora of supporters out there – supporters who ultimately convinced Warner Bros to take another look at him.
At the end of the day, they couldn’t find anyone more suited to the role than Bale. Yes, he was still a gamble but he was the best guy for the job – and that, it seems, was more important than having a star fill the role (it hadn’t worked out before had it? All the stars jumped ship after one – or two, as was the case with Michael Keaton – Batman movie, at least this way they might be able to retain the look of Batman). The WB took “our” advice and ran with it.
It worked.

And how about this whole “Fanboys” debacle?

The Weinstein Company/Darth Weinstein sat on the “Star Wars” tribute film for months- even though it previewed wonderfully to test audiences. When it was announced for release, the company stated that they’d re-edited the film to exclude a cancer sub-plot. In other words, they had extracted the sweetness from the film and left the smut.

In the preceding months, Star Wars fans across the globe had generated a remarkable grassroots campaign, demonstrating unanimous support for the main character’s battle with cancer to remain in the storyline of the film. In response to this widespread zeal, the filmmakers incorporated extensive feedback into the final cut.

“I could not be more excited that ‘Fanboys’ is being released this September and is the version of the film that the fans want,” said “Fanboys” producer Kevin Spacey. “I am enormously grateful to Jedi Knight Harvey Weinstein for having allowed Trigger Street to restore “Fanboys” to its original story and am thrilled that it will first screen during Comic-Con. We believe in this film and are honored that George Lucas and all his team gave us permission to film Skywalker Ranch and let us have so much fun with Star Wars. We also have a couple of surprises in the film that I think will bring added enjoyment to all the fans of Lucas’ great and epic movies and Trigger Street is proud to have produced this film and to have kept the dark side at bay.”

The Weinsteins decided, obviously, the online community was someone they couldn’t afford to keep pissing off – so gave them what they wanted. At the end of the day, the movie will probably do just as well as what it would’ve had the Weinstein’s released ‘their’ version of the movie, but at least the film’s better for our rallying.

Keep fighting for what you want or don’t want. Keep whining about so-and-so- being cast as so-and-so in so-and-so. Keep complaining about the ‘cancer’ subplot being extracted from the film. Go sick about Sam Raimi remaking “Evil Dead” with a new actor (not Bruce Campbell) playing Ash!… Oh, whaddyaknow!? Raimi has cancelled plans for the film! He read your comments. He understands. He won’t be doing it now. (He’s since announced plans to develop a Bruce Campbell starring “Evil Dead 4”).

Hey, Mr & Mrs Studio Head, Here’s what we – the internet community – have been complaining about/petitioning for lately. Please consider.

What the Internet Film Community is Fighting for at the moment :

If you must remake “A Nightmare on Elm Street” – even though we’d much rather see “Freddy Vs. Jason Vs. Ash” – then please bring Robert Englund back as Freddy. Nobody can play Freddy like Englund – heck he IS Freddy! I know you’ve paid him off to say nice things about your remake, but please, do what’s right here.

Let Richard Donner make the “Goonies” sequel he’s always wanted to do. And let him bring back the original cast for it (surely Josh Brolin would be up for a cameo?). I don’t doubt this’ll make a great wad of cash for you, WB – McDonalds too.

Forget about the “Aliens Vs. Predator” franchise – boo! hiss! -and give us another “Alien” film instead. Sigourney Weaver and Ridley Scott have always been semi-interested in doing another (one that possibly takes place on either Earth or the Alien Planet) so how about dangling enough carrots in front of them to inspire a commitment? First, you might have to apologize for the shitty “AvP” movies.

Speaking of FOX, Let Kyle Newman return to the “Revenge of the Nerds” remake he was filming before you pulled the plug on it. Yes, it was smart, and Yes, it had a sweet side – but good movies can sell as well as bad movies. And I’m all for a redo with something original behind it.

Cast Ice Cube as B.A in “The A-Team” movie. So Tyrese says he is the favourite – is he really? – but Cube’s probably a little closer to how we all remember Mr T in the series, don’t you think. Oh, and Mel Gibson still seems to be the favourite to play Hannibal Smith, too. Jeff, are you listening?

Throw some more money behind that awesome-sounding-werewolf-movie “Howl” starring Eric Stoltz, Stephen Tobolowsky and C. Thomas Howell. That thing has the potential to be the next “Scream” – with another million bucks behind it, that could really make the difference. An investor’s dream. You can forward expressions of interest here. (Yes, I know, I’m a cheeky bugger – but what’s an open forum if you’re not going to make use of it?). It films in November. You have two months to get your name on the poster.

Oh, enough with the PG-13 action movies. We’re not interested. We’re just going to end up boycotting them and instead watching the uncut version when it’s finally released on DVD. Just release them at theatres uncut and in their original form, you’ll find they do better – and if we’re not old enough to get in we will borrow our brother-in-law’s I.D to sneak in. It’s a win-win for everyone (If only I had that problem. Sigh).

Forget about Megan Gale as Wonder Woman. Cast Morena Baccarin in the role. She’s about as well known as Gale (she falls somewhere between “Who?” and “Oh, that girl”), so that shouldn’t rattle the marketing team too much, but more so, she’s much better suited to the role. Baccarin (“Serenity”) has been the fan favourite to play the role since day one. You’d be crazy to not at least test her. Speaking of, is there any chance in hell we can get something “Buffy” or “Firefly” related back on the air? “90210” worked wonders for The CW, why not resurrect “Buffy” in some form?

Those scenes Megan Fox reportedly filmed for “Jennifer’s Body”? Yes, the one’s where she’s emerging from a lake naked? Um…rumoured to have been cut from the film. Believe me, no good is going to come from denying the fanboys from such genuine joy. Splice those suckers back into the film. Now. Sex Sells!

Let Frank Miller direct a film version of his graphic novel “The Dark Knight Returns”. Let Sylvester Stallone go nowhere near it. Let Clint Eastwood meet Miller for lunch to discuss. Oh, but not too much blue-screen bullshit, Frank.

Someone please get Arnold Schwarzenegger to do a new movie – maybe even that long-mooted “True Lies” sequel? – if only so Ab King stays off our back. He’s been going steady with my inbox from the moment Arnold took over California. (Yeah, I’m with y’all – I don’t think we’ll see Schwarzenegger back on the screen either). I dropped Mario Kassar a line to see whether he could tell us whether Schwarzenegger’s involved – in some capacity – in “Terminator Salvation”. If he has anything of interest in his response, I’ll update this article.

Don’t bother getting that “Escape from New York” remake back-up – yes, the one that Gerard Butler was attached to – just get John Carpenter to come back and do a third film in his series… with Kurt Russell back as an aged Snake Plissken! Wouldn’t that rock!? Do it for Isaac Hayes!!

Ditch the “Justice League” film for good. What?! Sorry? You have? Oh, cool, thanks muchly!

Look, I’m not saying everything you guys demand – especially if those requests come via those petitions; studios wipe their asses with those – will happen, but just remember – your voice is being heard.

Signing Off!

I’m as tired as a Commodore 64 that’s been switched on for over 2 hours (those poor machines! they could barely take two rounds of Gorf!), so I’m calling it a night. Night Ma. Pa. Bro. Love. Sugartits. DMX. Keanu. Holden.

Any questions? queries? comments? suggestions? free shit?

You know where I am.

(Who said the Whore House!!!?)

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