Watching Kevin Costnerâ€™s latest, Swing Vote, this week, and seeing that beautiful old Touchstone Pictures logo come up, I couldnâ€™t help but feel just a little bit nostalgic, Chewbacca-fuzzy and Apple Pie-warm. It wasnâ€™t to be the case (well, it was OK â€“ good enough) but for a minute there, I wondered whether I might be about to watch a doozie. And itâ€™s all that damn logoâ€™s fault!
You all know â€“ well, those over 30 would â€“ what Iâ€™m talking about donâ€™t you?
A Touchstone Pictures logo on a film was almost a stamp of quality in the 80s and early 90s. From the moment that sparkling lightning strike came into contact with the immobile bar â€“ you knew you were about to watch a film that, if not the next big thing, would at least be a very enjoyable time.
Remember â€œThree Men and a Babyâ€? Remember how packed the theatres were on the weekend before its release â€“ when they had sneaks? I do. I even remember, when I returned to see it a few weeks later, having to sit on the steps inside the cinema it was that packed.
But â€œThree Men and a Babyâ€ wasnâ€™t the only golden hit Touchstone had in the late 80s â€“ they also produced two of Robin Williams best pictures, â€œGood Morning Vietnamâ€ (which, like â€œThree Menâ€, packed theatres for weeks) and â€œDead Poetâ€™s Societyâ€, the timeless action-classic â€œStakeoutâ€, Teen comedies like â€œCanâ€™t Buy Me Loveâ€ and â€œAdventures in Babysittingâ€, â€œWho Frames Roger Rabbit?â€, weepie â€œBeachesâ€, mega-hits â€œPretty Womanâ€ and â€œSister Actâ€, and 4-star gems like â€œThe Color of Moneyâ€. All those films made trillions.
Thing is with Touchstone, even when they werenâ€™t giving it their best game, they were still offering up something reasonably enjoyable â€“ they hardly ever put a lemon in theaters. I mean, how fun were â€œStakeoutâ€, â€œShoot to Killâ€, â€œHello Again?â€, â€œThe Rocketeerâ€, â€œFather of the Brideâ€, â€œDown and Out in Beverly Hillsâ€, â€œCocktailâ€, â€œRuthless Peopleâ€, â€œTough Guysâ€ and â€œTin Menâ€? None of those might be brilliant pieces of cinemaâ€¦ but they were all good fun. If anything, Touchstone knew how to make a good comedy (that seemed to be their forte) and occasionally, a good action-thriller.
Michael Eisner (who had given Paramount hits like â€œRaiders of the Lost Arkâ€) was the fucking movie-making king of the 80s —- and he made Touchstone one of the best labels this side of LaBrea.
For those that donâ€™t know, Touchstone, created in 1984, was a label that Disney came up with so that they could release more risquÃ© pictures â€“ films that didnâ€™t fit the â€˜Walt Disney Picturesâ€™ name. Marketing-wise, I think it was a smart decision â€“ I can only imagine how many teenagers wouldâ€™ve stayed away from, say, â€œCanâ€™t Buy Me Loveâ€ if itâ€™d been a â€˜Walt Disney Pictureâ€™. Same with â€œSplashâ€ (the straight-to-video sequel was released under the Walt Disney label â€“ maybe because Touchstone didnâ€™t want itâ€™s name tainted so early in the game?), which was actually the first film released under the newly-conceived Touchstone label. I doubt any teenagers wouldâ€™ve been rushing out to see it â€“ even if the trailers hinted that Daryl Hannah might be topless in it (she wasnâ€™t â€“ only close to it) â€“ if itâ€™d be released under the same label as say, â€œEscape to Witch Mountainâ€ and â€œHerbie goes to Monte Carloâ€. Apparently Disney decided to create the label specifically for that film â€“ because of some of the inappropriate language in the film, and the brief glimpses of Hannah flesh.
“We believe that, fairly or unfairly, we were stereotyped as to the kind of film we would consider for production and so there were a lot of very good scripts that we never had the opportunity to see. Kramer Vs. Kramer, On Golden Pond, Raiders of the Lost Ark, Ordinary People, Wargames and of course, E.T. and several other award winning films,” said CEO Ron Miller in a 1984 interview. “We would have been prevented from doing those films under the Disney banner for a variety of reasons, including language, intensity, adult situations and violence. Yet, they are all excellent films of very high quality. We believe that will definitely change with Touchstone and we will attract a broader range of production and creative talent for future filmmaking efforts.”
“To the average movie-goer, the name Disney has special meaning, imagery and identification,” explained Miller. “The Walt Disney name is probably the most definitive and, at the same time, the most highly favorable of any of the motion picture companies with respect to unsurpassed family oriented entertainment of the highest quality. However, the strength of the Disney association with fine family entertainment can have a pronounced adverse effect on our ability to broaden our marketing and production horizons. I believe that some very fine Disney films in recent years, with more adult themes, have faltered at the box office because of it. For example, films like Night Crossing, Tex and Tron. Also, as I have said previously, Touchstone will allow us to maintain the inherent strength of the Disney tradition without tampering with the legacy.”
A few months after making these comments, Ron Miller was fired.
Alas, Eisner saw that Touchstone rolled out hit-after-hit from then on â€“ one of which was â€œThree Men and a Babyâ€, a Leonard Nimoy-directed comedy about three bachelors who are forced to care for a thumb sucking tot. Joining Tom Selleck and Ted Danson in the film was â€œPolice Academyâ€ fave Steve Guttenberg.
â€˜â€™You know I always knew Three Men and a Baby was going to make it. It was such a good storyâ€™â€™, Guttenberg tells Moviehole.
Next, Touchstone would score another huge hit with â€˜â€™Good Morning Vietnamâ€™â€™, a comedy/drama starring Robin Williams as a radio D..J based in Vietnam.
â€˜â€™GMV earned $1 million playing on only four screens; in its first weekend of wide releaseâ€™â€™, says a spokesperson for the company. â€œThat was unheard of. But Touchstone was starting to get used to it â€“ everything they touched, so to speak, turned to goldâ€.
Touchstone were also very careful about what products they chose to make.
â€œThey were nearly going to make Good Morning Chicago â€“ a sequel to Vietnam. Robin Williams was interested enough. Levinson too. But it was Touchstone was pulled the plug on it at the last minute because it wasnâ€™t â€˜as goodâ€™ as the original. In those days, it wasnâ€™t so much important that they make successful films â€“ but that they make â€˜goodâ€™ movies that just happen to be successfulâ€, says another.
One thing Touchstone also prided themselves in was relaunching â€“ or launching, as is the case with a few TV stars â€“ film careers.
They loved using Dick Dreyfuss (â€œDown and Out in Beverly Hillsâ€, â€œStakeoutâ€, â€œTin Menâ€), Better Midler (â€œDown and Out in Beverly Hillsâ€, â€œStellaâ€, â€œBeachesâ€, â€œOutrageous Fortuneâ€), Tom Hanks (â€œSplash!â€, â€œTurner & Hoochâ€), Robin Williams (â€œGood Morning Vietnamâ€, â€œDead Poetâ€™s Societyâ€) and Shelley Long (â€œHello Againâ€, â€œOutrageous Fortuneâ€). They also gave Julia Roberts her first big hit, â€œPretty Womanâ€.
As most of those actors have disappeared from the scene, so has the quality that used to be found in the Touchstone picture.
So when did Touchstoneâ€™s name start to mean, well, less?
Couldâ€™ve been when they pumped out the atrocious â€œAnother Stakeoutâ€ (Chris and Bill got butt-raped!), but Iâ€™d say itâ€™s more when Jerry Bruckheimer started producing films for the shingle (some may say it happened earlier with films like â€œTurner & Hoochâ€, â€œBlazeâ€, â€œGross Anatomyâ€ and â€œAn Innocent Manâ€) â€“ suddenly they were drowning in blah. Yes, he gave the company a couple of bonafide doozies, like â€œCon Airâ€, â€œThe Rockâ€ and â€œPirates of the Caribbeanâ€, but he also managed to convince them to release some of his lesser, more mediocre movies, like â€œDÃ©jÃ vuâ€, â€œVeronica Guerinâ€ and â€œKing Arthurâ€. Suddenly the once crystal blue waters of Touchstone started to get a bit murky.
â€œTheyâ€™ve now become one of the studios that donâ€™t so much care for quality â€“ but quantityâ€, says a former employee of Touchstone. â€œItâ€™s the George Lucas situation â€“ you make better movies when you donâ€™t have the money or the egoâ€.
Itâ€™s funny, take a look at the slate of films released by Touchstone in the 80s. Then take a look at the films released by Touchstone in the 90s. Itâ€™s amazing how far down the ship sunk. Touchstone did have the odd dud in the 80s â€“ like, for instance, the Dennis Quaid/Meg Ryan-starring remake of â€œD.O.Aâ€ â€“ but theyâ€™d only come along once in a while, or every few years, whereas now Touchstone seem to release mostly dudsâ€¦ and now-and-then strike gold with something like, say, â€œPirates of the Caribbeanâ€.
Among the films released by Touchstone in 90s? â€œMetroâ€, â€œThe Preacherâ€™s Wifeâ€, â€œThe Sixth Manâ€, â€œKrippendorfâ€™s Tribeâ€, â€œHe Got Gameâ€, â€œRenaissance Manâ€ andâ€¦â€Itâ€™s Patâ€. Needless to say, thereâ€™d be a change in presidency somewhere between Hanks hanging with Hannah, and Hanks hanging with Hooch.
In recent years â€“ most people probably donâ€™t even realize Touchstone still exists â€“ theyâ€™ve pumping out â€˜â€™Pirates of the Caribbeanâ€™â€™ movies but also, â€œFlight Planâ€, â€œKinky Bootsâ€, â€œAnnapolisâ€, â€œA Lot like Loveâ€, â€œThe Guardianâ€, â€œSweet Home Alabamaâ€, and â€œMr. 3000â€. Their hits have been few and far between â€“ but no wonder, 8 of 10 movies they make now are rubbishâ€¦ absolute rubbish! The label has been butt-fucked by cinematic whores with too many crumby ideas and too much money.
Oh, and â€œSwing Voteâ€? Yes it was amusing enough, and entertaining enough, but boy, itâ€™s not nowhere near as entertaining as some of the other comedies Touchstone released in the 80s were. Not a shade on â€œOutrageous Fortuneâ€. Not even â€œAdventures in Babysittingâ€. I doubt itâ€™d had even been made in the 80s â€“ itâ€™s just such a Vanilla story (last guy to vote decides whoâ€™ll be the next President).
Look, Iâ€™m hopeful Touchstone will make us feel all warm-and-fuzzy again â€“ is â€œConfessions of a Shopaholicâ€ an indication of that? I dunno â€“ but itâ€™s going to take someone a little stricter and harsher more to sift through the shift before they make their way to their slate.
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Against the Current - the band, not adventures in dangerous swimming 101
Zedd - If our love is tragedy, why are you my remedy? (Well, answer my question!)
Arrow (Okay, Felicity from Arrow!)
Chrissy Costanza (cat eyes and buttery lyrics!)
Girls (TV) (Okay, Allison Williams!)
Movies - especially when they play in the dark.
Twin Peaks (TV)
Friends (TV) (It had me at "No way are you cool enough to pull Clint"; damn straight, Chandler!)
Traveling - preferably where water is, so I can splash someone!
Star Wars trilogy - no, the other one, fella!
Alex G - far more talented than her younger brother Alex H
Cameron Crowe movies - Say Anything..., Jerry Maguire, Almost Famous
The sign 'Free Wi-Fi'.
Reenacting dance/song scenes from "Grease" with my little girl (hey! Wait till you see my 'Summer Lovin'! - don't judge)
Die Hard - 40 stories of Sheer Adventure!
Alex Goot & Friends (his enemies aren't half as talented!)
Cooking up a nice dish and sitting in the entertainment area, on a cool night, basking in it's greatness.
Inflatable kids pools full of Vodka Lime Crush.
Acidic Email from angry, over passionate teenagers after I trash something "Twilight"-related on the site. Sparkle elsewhere.
My baby girl's big, caring heart.