Uncategorized

Dragonball Evolution

Uncategorized
Caffeinated Clint
@http://www.twitter.com/clintmoviehole

Clint is the creator, editor and maintainer of Moviehole.

By Clint Morris

Films based on Japanese anime are a bit like second-hand board games – mostly in one piece, but it’s aggravating when you discover just how many bits aren’t there. And like the recent “Speed Racer”, the feature film adaptation of “Dragonball Z”, imprudently titled “Dragonball Evolution”, is like Mousetrap without the Mouse – gimmicky, colourful and pretty to look at, but not much fun.

An early contender for worst film of the year, director James Wong’s (‘’Final Destination’’, TVs ‘’The X-Files’’) film really only succeeds in one thing – giving its lead actor a great haircut (yes, they’ve mastered the Goko haircut from the cartoons – with the spikes). But even a creative moptop won’t keep the most easily pleased of viewers entertained for an hour-and-a-half.

Flat from go to whoa, the thinly-written, comatose bore tells the story (if you can call it that; wouldn’t surprise me if the script consisted of four dot points) of a young messy-haired teenager named Goko – yeah, a white kid named Goko – played by Justin Chatwin (“War of the Worlds”), whose in search of seven mystical Dragon Balls (not in a literal sense – that might have been a more interesting movie). Of course, the evil Lord Piccolo (James Marsters) is also after the magical balls but with the help of new trainer Master Roshi (Chow Yun-Fat), Goku’s gonna be ready to fight for ‘em.

This is just artery robbery. With kids having to shell up to $15 to see the thing, the filmmakers should be ashamed of themselves. Video-game flicks like “Mortal Kombat” and “Max Payne” may only ‘just’ past muster, but this doesn’t even attempt to pass itself off as entertainment. If anything, it’s an elongated commercial for a new toy line. There’s nothing in it at all.

Chow Yun-Fat, no doubt there for the fat cheque and that’s it, looks as bored as batshit; ‘’Phantom of the Opera’’ cutie Emmy Rossum seems to spend her time telekinetically letting her manager know this isn’t the film she signed on for, and former ‘’Buffy’’ favourite James ‘Spike’ Marsters, becoming somewhat typecast as a fiend from elsewhere, looks plain bored (not to mention uncomfortable in that wacky make-up; seems there was some paper mache masks left at the end of 1987’s “Masters of the Universe”). In fact, the only chap seemingly enjoying himself is Justin Chatwin, as Goko – but then, considering his last flick was “Superbabies : Baby Geniuses 2”, he’s probably not at a stage where he can tell a good film from a bad film. …

…. Unfortunately for Twentieth Century Fox, we, the punters, are.

Don’t dare unleash your peepers on “Dragonball” – it’ll give you conjunctivitis.

ShareShare on FacebookTweet about this on TwitterEmail this to someoneShare on Google+Pin on Pinterest

About Caffeinated Clint

Clint is the creator, editor and maintainer of Moviehole.

View All Posts

Your Name (required)

Your Email (required)

Subject

Your Message

captcha

Against the Current - the band, not adventures in dangerous swimming 101
Zedd - If our love is tragedy, why are you my remedy? (Well, answer my question!)
Arrow (Okay, Felicity from Arrow!)
Chrissy Costanza (cat eyes and buttery lyrics!)
Girls (TV) (Okay, Allison Williams!)
Movies - especially when they play in the dark.
Twin Peaks (TV)
Friends (TV) (It had me at "No way are you cool enough to pull Clint"; damn straight, Chandler!)
Traveling - preferably where water is, so I can splash someone!
Star Wars trilogy - no, the other one, fella!
Alex G - far more talented than her younger brother Alex H
Cameron Crowe movies - Say Anything..., Jerry Maguire, Almost Famous
The sign 'Free Wi-Fi'.
Reenacting dance/song scenes from "Grease" with my little girl (hey! Wait till you see my 'Summer Lovin'! - don't judge)
Die Hard - 40 stories of Sheer Adventure!
Alex Goot & Friends (his enemies aren't half as talented!)
Cooking up a nice dish and sitting in the entertainment area, on a cool night, basking in it's greatness.
Inflatable kids pools full of Vodka Lime Crush.
Acidic Email from angry, over passionate teenagers after I trash something "Twilight"-related on the site. Sparkle elsewhere.
My baby girl's big, caring heart.

Click to add a comment

You must be logged in to post a comment Login

Leave a Reply

More in Uncategorized

therover

The Rover

Editorial StaffJune 3, 2014
theraid2comp

Come Join Us At a Private Screening of The Raid 2

Editorial StaffFebruary 27, 2014
grownupslogo

Win a family getaway thanks to Grown Ups 2

Editorial StaffJanuary 21, 2014
celeste

Celeste & Jesse Forever

Caffeinated ClintApril 30, 2013
ironman

Iron Man 3

Caffeinated ClintApril 24, 2013
heiceman

The Iceman

Drew TurneyApril 24, 2013
thehobbit

The Hobbit

Drew TurneyApril 23, 2013
gangstersquad

Gangster Squad

Caffeinated ClintApril 21, 2013
ralph

Wreck-it Ralph

Caffeinated ClintApril 20, 2013

Login

Lost your password?