Itâ€™s amazing how often Iâ€™m asked the same questions. In fact, I can guarantee that If I close the window Iâ€™ve currently got Microsoft Word open in, and open the Outlook button where my email lies, thereâ€™ll be at least fifty emails in there from Moviehole readers (or people that have simply stumbled upon us by chickswithchains.org) who are writing to ask something Iâ€™ve been asked a million times before. Itâ€™s frustratingâ€¦ so much so that Iâ€™m now going to direct everyone that writes a tired, read-it-all-before question to me to this new Caffeinated Clint F.A.Q.
FREQUENTLY ASKED QUESTIONS
Q. How much do you get paid per month to run Moviehole?
A. How much does your mother get paid per night? You answer first.
Q. I think Iâ€™d make a wonderful Superman/Conan/Batman/B.A Barcus/Bilbo â€“ If I send you my photo, reel and resume can you make sure it gets in front of the filmmakers?
A. Um, I donâ€™t like your chances â€“ you look like a talent scout for a cemetery. (for the last time, I do not have any say in who gets cast in what â€“ except, of course, for â€œComplacent 2 : Still Emancipatedâ€)
Q. Can I possibly get _______ email address of you?
A. If you were a hamburger at McDonalds, youâ€™d be a McRetard! Youâ€™ve got my chance of scoring Lymphogranuloma venereum from me than a celebâ€™s email address.
Q. Iâ€™ve made a new movie website called ____. Come check it out. And if you donâ€™t mind, promote it on Moviehole. Now, who would you say your best advertiser is? And also, can we get your list of contacts?
A. The cheek of some people (What am I? Flypaper for freaks?)
Q. Do you do this for a day job?
A. No, Iâ€™m a producing talent-manager with a finger in freelance journalism and bondage parlours by day. Most of that is true.
Q. Iâ€™d love to be employed by Moviehole. How much do you pay? What kind of use would you have for me?
A. Need someone to scrub the toilet. Weâ€™ll make a deal â€“ whatever you find in the bowl, itâ€™s yours!
Q. Hey Clint, weâ€™d love to get some free ads up on Moviehole for our film. If I send over the banners could you see theyâ€™re placed?
A. Iâ€™d love to wax Salma Hayekâ€¦ but it ainâ€™t happening either.
Q. What kind of a film do you think Arnold Schwarzenegger will make his comeback in? (Usually a question from Ab King)
A. A Michael Moore film.
Q. Why donâ€™t you like â€œIndiana Jones and the Kingdom of the Crystal Skullâ€?
A. Why donâ€™t I ever receive this question from anyone born before 1987?
Q. Try or female/male love enhancers from our siteâ€¦
A. Iâ€™ve got a bottle of Carlton Draught at home, thatâ€™s good enough. But thanks.
Q. How dare you insult [x film or actor]!!
A. Save your breath, youâ€™ll need it to blow up your date later!
Q. Can I get your email address?
A. Um, you just emailed me on it.
Q. Are you the guy from â€œWeird Scienceâ€?
A. Yes I am. And for $29.95 I can send you an autographed picture of myself.
Q. hey clint holden any how whats going on with evil dead 4 i heard last that sam raimi and his bother ivan raimi were working on the 9th page for evil dead 4 so i hope bruce campbell will return as ash lets hope it still happens tho of ash returning
A. Still trying to come up with an answerâ€¦.
Q. Wanna meet sometime?
A. Dependsâ€¦. Are you a fan of â€œIndiana Jones and the Kingdom of the Crystal Skullâ€ or â€œDukes of Hazzardâ€?
Q. Your producing partner Christopher Showerman is hot â€“ can you set me up?
A. Why do I always have to be Jennifer, and he gets to be Mallory!
Q. How many years has Moviehole been going for?
A. About twelve â€“ and I could give you the original URL, but I doubt itâ€™d fit on this page… but I believe it started with CheapAssWebs and ended with Moviehole.
Q. Why do you produce movies and do the website? Just produce movies!
A. Now that Iâ€™m filthy, filthy rich, and blowing coke off Brett Ratnerâ€™s Mrsâ€™ backside, Iâ€™m seriously considering it. Mum, didnâ€™t I tell you not to write to me on the Moviehole address!
- Jeremy London, Ethan Suplee returning for Mallrats 2 - March 28, 2015
- Dorff gets a badge for Texas Chainsaw prequel - March 28, 2015
- Another ’90s TV Hit returning! - March 28, 2015
- Super Troopers 2 director answers those lingering questions! - March 28, 2015
- Blade Runner actress nixed from sequel? - March 28, 2015
- Transformers sequels, spin offs in the works - March 28, 2015
- Seinfeld fave in talks for Force Majeure remake - March 28, 2015
- Beauty and the Beast finds it’s Garderobe - March 28, 2015
- First look at Patrick Stewart in Blunt Talk - March 28, 2015
- Cast announced for School of Rock TV series - March 28, 2015
Against the Current - the band, not adventures in dangerous swimming 101
Zedd - If our love is tragedy, why are you my remedy? (Well, answer my question!)
Arrow (Okay, Felicity from Arrow!)
Chrissy Costanza (cat eyes and buttery lyrics!)
Girls (TV) (Okay, Allison Williams!)
Movies - especially when they play in the dark.
Twin Peaks (TV)
Friends (TV) (It had me at "No way are you cool enough to pull Clint"; damn straight, Chandler!)
Traveling - preferably where water is, so I can splash someone!
Star Wars trilogy - no, the other one, fella!
Alex G - far more talented than her younger brother Alex H
Cameron Crowe movies - Say Anything..., Jerry Maguire, Almost Famous
The sign 'Free Wi-Fi'.
Reenacting dance/song scenes from "Grease" with my little girl (hey! Wait till you see my 'Summer Lovin'! - don't judge)
Die Hard - 40 stories of Sheer Adventure!
Alex Goot & Friends (his enemies aren't half as talented!)
Cooking up a nice dish and sitting in the entertainment area, on a cool night, basking in it's greatness.
Inflatable kids pools full of Vodka Lime Crush.
Acidic Email from angry, over passionate teenagers after I trash something "Twilight"-related on the site. Sparkle elsewhere.
My baby girl's big, caring heart.