West Hollywood Resnorter : Two-and-a-Half-Men Iced!


Captain here – complete with a new tag…but the same unwashed, cigarette-ash dipped Old Navy pants.

Big news over here in Hollywood this afternoon concerns shit hit “Two and-a-half-Men” and it’s overpaid ‘stars’ – no, not Chuck and the ‘Duck’, creator Chuck Lorre and Charlie ‘Estevez’ Sheen.

Ya see, there’s been a scuffle between show creator Chuck Lorre and star Charlie Sheen, one that’s got nastier than my Nanna’s Cherry Pie and as a consequence, the network has shut the thing down. CBS says they won’t be filming the rest of the season (win win for “Major League” fans perhaps!? Or, in the very least, broke hookers).

The row between Lorre (real name Chaim Levine) and Sheen kicked off when the former made a cheeky dig at Sheen’s unruly off-screen behavior.

The ‘turd’ (Sheen’s nickname for him, not mine) said “If Charlie Sheen outlives me, I’m gonna be really pissed.”

That’s fair. Maybe a little hurtful, but so is a chocolate-dipped dildo up one’s behind; both are harmless, really.

Sheen bit back with [something far more vicious] : “Chaim, last time I checked, I spent close to the last decade effortlessly and magically converting your tin cans into pure gold” (The Alex Jones radio show) and ”I violently hate Chaim Levine. He’s a stupid, stupid little man and a p**sy punk that I’d never want to be like. That’s me being polite.” (TMZ)

As a result, CBS has decided to cancel the rest of the season (they only had four episodes to shoot in this, the fourth season).

My response? And despite what I think of the show, Fuck you Sheen! Fuck you Lorre! Fuck you little fat dude who has transformed into quite a good-looking, noticeably tall thing dude! (Just because) Not only did the crew of your show have to take it on the chin when Sheen went off to rehab-resort for however many weeks that was, but now they’re going to be out-of-pocket again while these two carry on like junior-high students until someone farts a billion bucks and a sorry note. I feel as sorry for the crew as I do anyone that considers themselves a fan of “Two-and-a-half-Men”.

Oh, but wait… Sheen’s not finished. He’s just issued a fuckin’ response to the network’s response of Sheen’s response to Lorre’s response about Sheen going to rehab.

Says the uber-talented star of “Cadence” and “Men at Work” :

What does this say about Haim Levine [Chuck Lorre] after he tried to use his words to judge and attempt to degrade me. I gracefully ignored this folly for 177 shows … I fire back once and this contaminated little maggot can’t handle my power and can’t handle the truth. I wish him nothing but pain in his silly travels especially if they wind up in my octagon. Clearly I have defeated this earthworm with my words — imagine what I would have done with my fire breathing fists. I urge all my beautiful and loyal fans who embraced this show for almost a decade to walk with me side-by-side as we march up the steps of justice to right this unconscionable wrong.

Remember these are my people … not yours…we will continue on together…

Charlie Sheen

Remember, if you do decide to walk side-by-side with the clearly not sober Mr Sheen, best to moisturize your nose in advance and be covered top-to-toe in plastic. Just a suggestion. But by all means, fight!