“National Treasure” helmer Jon Turtletaub is crafting a film that, erm, will inspire many a film website jockey to retire.. if it’s inane log-line is anything to go by.

Frightening pitch follows :

“Beached centers on a chubby 4-year-old child who falls overboard during a family outing, is raised by whales and goes on to become an Olympic swimmer.”

The Hollywood Reporter, who broke the news of the ‘Tarzan’ meets ‘ Free Willy’ by way of ‘Prefontaine’ tale, says Fox2000′s “Beached” was written by “Tower Heist” (OK, that explains it) scribe Tedd Giffin.

Apparently “John Tucker Must Die” director Betty Thomas was attached to direct the project at one point. She fell off, Turtletaub reached up and grabbed the vine – or rather, cusp of the blow-hole.