When the garbage man empties the trash, there’s usually always some ghastly goo hanging from the rim or sitting atop of a stuck newspaper at the bottom.
That neglected eyesore is ”Resident Evil : Retribution”.
Atop of the mouldy banana, doused in week-old quiche leftovers, is a time-wasting zombie series – based on the popular video game – that’s remarkably reached its fifth go around.
We see a lot of these kinds of films released in the lull periods, one of which we’re currently smack-bang in the middle of. All the big holiday blockbusters (”The Dark Knight Rises”, ”The Amazing Spider-Man”, ”Prometheus”) have been and gone, and now we wait for the exciting swarm of Oscar contenders (be it ”The Master” or ”Argo” ) to arrive. “But to hold you over guys, here’s a cute girl fighting zombies. Again.”
Suggestively the end of the all-effects venture franchise (let it be! please!), director Paul W.S Anderson’s ”Retribution” wants to appease franchise fans by bringing the story full circle. And while it does that, and fans might care enough to keep watching past the twentieth decapitation, even fans will be hoping Anderson’s had his full of the franchise now, so he can move onto something less decayed.
The filmmaker’s real-life wife Milla Jovovich, a staple of the series as zombie hunter Alice, seems to be the only one who has really benefited from the series. The Resident Evil films have kept her steadily employed, in the public eye and, if her tight leather outfit is anything to go by, fit. But more so, considering Jovovich – the Russian model who made a big, erm, ‘splash’ on the big screen in the early ’90s playing a Brooke Shields surrogate in ”Return to the Blue Lagoon” – only seems to work when her husband’s doing the hiring, she’d seemingly be quite happy for these infesting things to continue.
In ”Resident Evil 5” aka ”Resident Evil : Hopefully this is the last one” aka ”Resident Evil Retribution”, Alice (Jovovich), the gung-ho zombie apocalypse survivor of the past four flicks, joins a group of folks in the search for a safe haven known as Arcadia. Oh, but first, she’s got to get out of the high-tec prison the evil Umbrella corporation (they’re responsible for the zombie outbreak) has her trapped in. Annnnnd….cue the growling zombies!
If stunts, special effects and an attractive cast – in addition to Jovovich, there’s returning star Michelle Rodriguez, who appeared in the original, as well as Sienna Guillory, also a bit of a looker – were the winning ingredients of a fabbo- hit then Brit boy Paul W.S Anderson would have earned a place on the Academy board years ago – back, say, when his Alien vs. Predator ‘gem’ bowed. Not the way it works, sadly. It’s only the manufacturers of expensive monster make-up kits and nifty but pricey camera lenses that are going to benefit from Mr and Mrs Anderson’s ”Resident Evil : Retribution” coming to fruition.
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Against the Current - the band, not adventures in dangerous swimming 101
Zedd - If our love is tragedy, why are you my remedy? (Well, answer my question!)
Arrow (Okay, Felicity from Arrow!)
Chrissy Costanza (cat eyes and buttery lyrics!)
Girls (TV) (Okay, Allison Williams!)
Movies - especially when they play in the dark.
Twin Peaks (TV)
Friends (TV) (It had me at "No way are you cool enough to pull Clint"; damn straight, Chandler!)
Traveling - preferably where water is, so I can splash someone!
Star Wars trilogy - no, the other one, fella!
Alex G - far more talented than her younger brother Alex H
Cameron Crowe movies - Say Anything..., Jerry Maguire, Almost Famous
The sign 'Free Wi-Fi'.
Reenacting dance/song scenes from "Grease" with my little girl (hey! Wait till you see my 'Summer Lovin'! - don't judge)
Die Hard - 40 stories of Sheer Adventure!
Alex Goot & Friends (his enemies aren't half as talented!)
Cooking up a nice dish and sitting in the entertainment area, on a cool night, basking in it's greatness.
Inflatable kids pools full of Vodka Lime Crush.
Acidic Email from angry, over passionate teenagers after I trash something "Twilight"-related on the site. Sparkle elsewhere.
My baby girl's big, caring heart.