Caffeinated Clint
The latest on “The Razzies”, “Hot Fuzz”, “Outlaw”
Snow is here, my Londonites. Well, I stand corrrected as Londoners is the proper term for those residing in town. Man, it was an unexpected snowfall. When snow falls, it makes everything look a little magical to me. You know, in a Narnia kinda way. I was half expecting Mr. Tumnus to hop out with Lucy Pevensie, but alas, no such sighting. Instead, I saw this kid being forced to the ground by two other school kids and snow rammed down the back of his shirt. A third had his school bag and was stuffing snowballs into it. I saw a van get hit by a snowball. THUMP! The vehicle was at a set of traffic lights and this overweight, red-faced driver clambered out, angrily. Did he get the culprit? Hell no! Before long, the magical white snow blanket had melted and the gray sludge of depresssing doom takes over. Hopefully, they’ll be more. It’s inspirational. All weather types can have affect on mood.
Before my long ramble about Princess and I and indeed, what you each view this segment for, the movie gossip, I’d like to clarify a few emails. Many a week, my Master Clint and I receive question upon question relating to certain stars, acting and directing talent and other movie associated topics. At the foot of some emails are various statements or right out there questions as to who I am. There are five names that keep coming up. All are so very different. In writing style. In age. In personality. Definitely that! I’ve met four of them. I like two of them a lot. I am NONE of them. Kevin Smith! Jake Wade Wall! Matt Venne! John Hamburg! Richie Wilkes! Those are just the ones that keep coming back. Why? Some of you even list theories! There are plenty of random ones in there too! I’d say maybe one or two out there stated I was Jessica Bendinger who penned “Bring it On” and even Lona Williams who did “Drop Dead Gorgeous”. Good movies. Not me. To throw a spanner in the works, would it ever occur to you that I could be a damn girl!! Anyroad, sometimes it’s funny to read who you guys and girls believe I am, though it does get a little tiresome and by the way, apart from my lacklustre myspace page, you will definitely not find me on that. I’m a Monkey, not a Fox. Know what I mean? As I’ll tell you over and over. Like James Caan in Mickey Blue Eyes, “Forgeddaboudit.” Like Hugh Grant in Mickey Blue Eyes; “Forget about eeeet.”
OK, so Princess and I. She’s doing good. Been taking pictures. I love ‘em! I want more, but I get carried away. I feel I piss her off, you know? I miss her like crazy. I’m working like a madman on some major things here, there and everywhere and I miss HER. I’m not like these other monkey men who would galivant all over the place. To quote Austin Powers “….. filthy beggers, they go from port to port..” I’m digressing as usual, but I’m a loyal guy. I never stray. Never have, but every guy likes a little spicy talk now and then, if they’re spending time apart. I do feel, though, that I’ve used up my spicy talk quota. I think I’ve made Princess tire of it. She’s a sexy Princess and I always tell her so. Maybe I tell her too often. People become too familiar with behaviour, sayings, you know. Perhaps I’ll just drop it. Girls might get fed up with it. Yeah, I’ll drop the talk. Keep it clean. Be a bore. Be mean. Nah. That ain’t me. By a long stretch. No way. I just heard from Princess actually as I’m writing this. We’re chatting about our ‘ideals’. For this year and for the future. I’m a little sad right now. I don’t know when I’ll see Princess again. I don’t wanna become just a pen pal. Keep positive huh? Brr, it’s cold. So, how about your ideals? To move on from this and read about movies?
GRINDHOUSE! Don’t you just adore the idea of Robert and Q getting people to make movie trailers for fake movies to feature AS trailers to their movie! Whoever and whatever gets chosen (right now I’m hearing about a funny, glossy looking pic called Werewolf Women of the SS). OK, so Tarantino would surely commission a movie like this on the stength of its ‘trailer’ don’t you agree? The guys and gals who get the deal on having their work portrayed in trailer form, good luck! Best of success. A great idea! Be sure to hear out for more fake movie trailers.
I finally saw “Rocky Balboa” and loved it! You just can’t fault that movie. Sly! Let’s work on “Death wish”! Actually, you’re an amazing writer, you can do it justice on your own. A perfect film and you can tell how passionate he was about it. It shows on screen with every shot.
This one time, at Bond Camp. Some people are pissed that “Casino Royale” was given the cold (war) shoulder when the Academy Award noms were listed the other day. “It got a BAFTA nod!” Oh please. Daniel Craig IS a good actor, but an Oscar wink for Bond?
OK, last week I mentioned Director Nick Love being on the up. Hmm, perhaps in his circle. The film ‘Outlaw’. Sorry people, it was a poor show. I thought I’d be pleasantly surprised. Boy was I wrong. Sean Bean is pretty much Sean Bean and a reliable actor. Bob Hoskins too. I think if they had the film written along the lines of Falling Down and Bean working on his own, it’d be good. A waste. Hey, it’ll find an audience like most of Love’s films no doubt about that, just not the folks who sat watching the media screening on Tuesday night off Wardour Street.
Sharon Stone gets a Razzie for “Basic Instinct 2”. Wont stop a third flick from occurring, I’ll tell you that. It’ll be her pension fund, mark my words, she has her own serial killing franchise there.
Koepp penning Spidey 4 as well as Indy 4. Nice. Word from inside the web says the third is extremely impressive. It’s a year for sequels, man and the goodness of three. “Pirates”, “Shrek”, “Bourne” and “Spidey” and then we’ll have the fours starting with a McClane venture and a “Rambo” and the development of a T4. C’mon, Govenor Schwarzenegger, make the cameo! (On, and AB King – the latest on “Terminator 4” is that they’re still working on the script – rewrites apparently – and all I know is that they’re chasing another ‘big name’ star to replace Arnold).
Early word on ‘Hot Fuzz’. It’s just ‘okay’. Working Title are certainly broadening their well.. working titles and steering away from the same o same o Four Wedding easy-on-the-eye flicks. It all began with ‘The Interpreter’ I guess. A good one to start off with, now don’t get stuck with just the Peggs and the TV writers. There are others out there. Seek. Advertise. There is so much talent out there. I’ve met so many new writers over the past few months here in London. Unrepped and eager and with great ideas who will make a mint for the companies willing to shed a few pounds. No, not fatty weight either, they can keep that.
On the up: Tyrese Gibson, Erika Eleniak, Danny Glover, Peter O’Toole, Helen Mirren. Dolph Lundgren, Isabella Calthorpe, Koepp. Mikki Padilla. Sly. Kevin Howarth. Jennifer Hudson. Pierce Brosnan, Liam Neeson.
Standing Still: Nick Love, Billy Piper, Hugo Speer. Hugh Grant.
On The Decline: Wesley Snipes.
I posed Princess this question:
Q: If you could be invisible for a day and teleportation was at your disposal, what would you do?
A: Hmm, that’s hard…ummmmm. I would teleport to Japan and totally freak them out with my invisible Ninja Magic skills until they had a legend about me….and eventually Disney made an animated film about my legacy.
Let it snow, let it snow, let it snow.
