K.T Simpson
Will Ferrell and John C. Reilly are a familiar duo, delivering timeless comedies like “Step Brothers” and “Talladega Nights”. The two comedy powerhouses are bound to deliver quality – or at least humourous – films to audiences, right? Well that was the case, until “Holmes and Watson” came along.
With Ferrell playing Sherlock Holmes and Reilly as his sidekick John Watson, the duo meet in a quick backstory involving a suicide attempt and the crushing of a giant vegetable, which looks like a watermelon but has the guts of custard and mould. Still not sure what it was, but the fact that I’m dwelling on this says a lot about what’s to come in this film.
Detective Holmes and Watson are on the quest to capture the slippery villain Professor Moriarty (Ralph Fiennes), with the entire Britain behind them – including the Queen (Pam Ferris). What ensues is a lot of misfires, unfunny gags and absolutely pointless storylines that are so forgettable, you too will be thinking only of the oversized mystery vegetable from the beginning.
One would assume that writer-director Etan Cohen (of “Tropic Thunder” fame) assumed people would get a kick out of just hearing Ferrell and Reilly speak in those accents, but Adam McKay – who did “Step Brothers” and “Talladega Nights” – knows better than anyone that it takes more than a wobbly accent, vomit gags and “Carry on” style crudity to work an audience. Unfortunately this only serves to prove that Cohen (who also wrote the screenplays for “Men in Black 3” and “Get Hard”), who hit it out of the park with Hollywood-satire “Tropic Thunder” a few years back, must not have been the brains trust on the latter but co-writers Justin Theroux and Ben Stiller.
It’s a little confused too at the direction it wants to be headed in – are we spoofing the ‘Sherlock’ films and TV shows (which would’ve been more effective 5 or so years ago), or poking fun at the 21st century generation of smart phones, selfies and Donald Trump?
Just when you think you can’t hate this movie any more – and side note, at this point the gentleman in the seat next to me has actually fallen asleep – there’s a song that’s so cringe, I actually want my ear drums to burst so I don’t have to endure it any more. Shame too, as it was written by the maestro of Disney musicals Alan Menken, who does all the animated films – what a waste.
And on that note of waste, let’s not discount the waste of talent by the actors in “Holmes and Watson”. Fiennes, Rob Brydon, Steve Cohan, Hugh Laurie and Kelly Macdonald are all well above films of this calibre. Not sure how desperate they were for a dollar, but I’d assume this would be one I’d keep off my LinkedIn profile if I were them.
If you’re looking for a fun movie to see this holiday season, go see “Ralph Wrecks the Internet” (also featuring Reilly and Macdonald), because “Holmes and Watson” is nothing but a giant bag of the proverbial.
