One of ’em liked it, the other would rather it would return the demonic womb in Hollywood’s revolting gut.

A Nightmare on Elm Street

By Brian Orndorf

Last year, Michael Bay’s remake factory Platinum Dunes churned out a “Friday the 13th” reboot. While far from an inspiring slasher success, the update didn’t outright offend, especially with a franchise that’s already done a masterful job rendering itself hopeless. “A Nightmare on Elm Street” is a different story, as most (myself included) consider the 1984 original to be not only a horror classic, but also an imaginatively molded tale of lo-fi suspense. Again, the sequels have effectively torn away much of the original’s allure, but Wes Craven struck gold 26 years ago with a unique genre idea, making a potential remake seem like an exceptionally pointless endeavor.

Something is killing the teenagers of a small Illinois town; something that only appears during their sleep. For Nancy (Rooney Mara), the images in her head point to a burnt man with a razor glove named Freddy Krueger (Jackie Earle Haley), an unstoppable killer who prowls the playground of the mind looking for specific victims to taunt and dice – a group connected to the quippy madman in some mysterious way. While the local parents (Connie Britton, Clancy Brown) appear to be hiding clues to Freddy’s true identity, Nancy and pal Quentin (Kyle Gallner) strike off on their own, desperate to stay awake while they hunt for the reason Freddy’s after them.

They’ve done it to “The Texas Chainsaw Massacre,” “The Amityville Horror,” and “The Hitcher,” so why not “A Nightmare on Elm Street?” Unfortunately, it’s a franchise that won’t take to a reboot easily, with much of the appeal of the original film rooted in its 1980s identity, from the apple-cheeked virginal valor of the lead characters to the satiric safety of the suburban setting, a safe haven Freddy penetrated with glee. This is 2010. Cheerful, awkward teens won’t do.

The new “Nightmare” is an enormously joyless affair, launching right out of the gate with an oppressive feel that never dissipates. Director Samuel Bayer (a music video legend) seems to think the best way to strike out on his own with this iconic material is to play it emo, with a cast of fashion models sulking around the frame, which scrubs away the needed adolescent panic that makes Freddy’s reign of terror all the more frenzied. This is dour film, hastily sprinting into conflict, making absolutely no effort to develop the community or the characters. Bayer just wants a pretty picture with pretty actors, plunging the audience into violent dreamscapes without even so much as a hello. Nancy who? Freddy did what? What’s the razor glove about? These kids have parents? Bayer’s more interested in the lighting design than he is winding a dazzling tale of mental invasion and teen paranoia.

To be fair to the picture, it’s not explicitly a remake. More than a few moments from Craven’s film are shamelessly reheated, most with not-so-special effects, but the thrust of what little story there is here veers away from the original script. The 2010 film openly questions Freddy’s guilt and sticks with the kids, portraying the adult characters as possibly villainous rather than manically overprotective. The magic of the 1984 picture was Freddy’s monster status and how that hysteria fed into the neighborhood mood of confusion and disbelief. The 2010 picture shows no interest in developing the curse of Freddy, only the splattery gore shots he brings. It leads to the ultimate point about this remake: if you’re a fan of the ’84 “Nightmare,” you’ll telegraph every last scare. If you’re new to this whole Freddy business, you’re seeing an inferior version of the tale.

Bayer makes it impossible to care about any of these kids, with heroine Nancy positively getting the shaft in terms of characterization and performance. Mara is simply awful, mumbling her lines to an infuriating degree, making Nancy into a mopey wuss instead of the more enlightened dream hunter actress Heather Langenkamp was gifted in 1984. Mara conjures no sense of personality or bewilderment, she just stares blankly at her equally monotonous co-stars.

As the scarred prince of sleepytown, Haley is a disappointment, buried under layers of mediocre burn-victim makeup, fitted for an absurdly overcranked horror voice that barely stays in sync with his lips. Short and twitchy, Haley isn’t a menace, he’s a sideshow, making one long for Robert England’s more demented pass at Freddy’s homicidal delight. And don’t let any pre-release promotional talk fool you: Freddy returns to full one-liner mode here, denting the brooding spirit Bayer is hunting for. The jokes are more painful than the slashings and retain little value in a feeble script that can barely decipher its dark side.

While Craven embraced the surrealism of dreams, Bayer is caught between homage and inertia. The new “Nightmare on Elm Street” aims to be a penetrating, atmospheric horror rebirth, but the only thing truly terrifying about the production is how much they spoil what worked so wonderfully and effortlessly decades ago.

2 STARS

A Nightmare on Elm Street

By Mike A. Smith

Here are two pieces of “A Nightmare on Elm Street” trivia for you: (1) when I first started in the movie business one of the theatres in Baltimore that I worked at sold more tickets to the original film than any other theatre in the country and (2) I was amazed when the films’ creator, Wes Craven, told me that he had based the story off of a real event. FYI: I was also surprised when Craven told me that the late, great Harry Chapin had given him his start in the movies. As you can see, the original film and I have shared a lot of history these past 26 years. Now comes what the studios call a “reboot” of “Elm Street”…new but sadly not improved, for this generation.

The Springwood Diner. Inside, high school student Dean Russell (Kellan Lutz) sits at a booth drinking coffee. Occasionally the waitress, a fellow classmate named Nancy (Mara) nudges him, saying if he keeps falling asleep he will have to leave. Soon he is joined by Kris (Katie Cassidy) who seems puzzled by Dean’s appearance. Suddenly Dean begins arguing, seemingly with himself. Before Kris can intervene Dean slices his own throat. At Dean’s funeral Kris is startled to see a pre-school age photo of her and Dean together. Her memory of meeting Dean is around the sixth grade, not half a decade earlier. Home alone she receives a visit from her ex-boyfriend, Jesse (Thomas Dekker from the “Terminator” television series, looking eerily like a lost Affleck brother). They both discover that they have been having the same dream about a disfigured man in a red and green sweater. The later they stay up the heavier their eyes get, until…

With the recent abundance of film remakes it has been hard for me to review them properly. Do I compare them to the original film when I judge them or do I just pretend I’m seeing it for the first time? In the past (“Planet of the Apes,” “Halloween” I’ve done both. And I’ll do the same here for “Elm Street.” First, as a stand alone film it’s not too bad. The set pieces are well created and Jackie Earle Haley does a fine job (don’t forget, he’s not only dealing with the character but with the knowledge that Robert Englund will always be associated with the role). The special effects are well thought out and the mood isn’t too bad, despite at least “four too many” shots of Freddy behind others. But now let’s compare it to the original, which is where the film pales. I’m not sure if Kris is supposed to be the town dumb blonde or not but she certainly proves capable of handling the job. From setting her house alarm while her windows are open to locking her car electronically while the convertible is down, I’d have to say I expect more out of David Cassidy’s daughter. I was also disappointed that Freddy was not the large, looming figure I remembered from 25 years ago. Through no fault of his own, Haley is barely 5 foot 5 inches tall. Even though he only stood 4 inches higher, Englund’s Freddy filled the screen as if he was secretly imposing his will on the audience. Because of his height, Haley’s Freddy is often shorter than the teens he’s terrorizing. And for my final Freddy note, where Krueger was thought to be a child murderer in the original series he’s made out to be much worse here…a label that takes away any kind of sympathy you may have had for his fate. As for the cast, while Gallner and Mara do a good job the rest of the “kids” lack any personality. The original film was Johnny Depps’ film debut and he and the other actors really put there all into their performances. Sadly, not the same here.

Some final “Elm Street” trivia: Jackie Earle Haley auditioned for a role in the original film 25 years ago. While he didn’t get the job, director Wes Craven did ask his friend who accompanied him to the audition to stick around and read for a part. The friend was Johnny Depp.

3 stars