The Cynical Optimist 19/02/08

Okay, here we go.

Street Fighter

So let me get this straight, someone actually thought it would be a good idea to make another Street Fighter movie? I mean, it’s probably a good decision, being as video games have proven to be extremely adaptable to film. Oh wait, no they haven’t – and they probably never will. One thing is for certain, some cheap, piece of shit adaptation of a fighting game isn’t going to cleanse away the sins of previous attempts.

For those who aren’t up to speed on what I’m talking about, 20th Century Fox is planning to release “Street Fighter: Legend of Chun-Li,” a film based on the popular Capcom video game franchise. An attempt at manipulating the franchise for financial gain failed once in 1994 with Jean-Claude Van Damme and Raul Julia in the film’s starring roles.

Now they’re focusing on Chun-Li, a female warrior from China who is on “a quest for justice.” She’s set to be played by Kristen Kruek, Smallville’s Lana Lang. If you’re not familiar with the franchise, you don’t know that Street Fighter actually revolves around the characters of Ken and Ryu, wandering warriors set to participate in a worldwide fighting tournament.

The ’94 flop focused on two other characters primarily, that of military soldier Guile (Van Damme) and an insane dictator, M. Bison (Julia). Fans with respect and appreciation for the classic video game series could easily put together a better plot than the paper-thin one presented in the Van Damme flick – and I can’t see much more from this reimagining of the franchise.

Rumor has Michael Clarke Duncan as the tough boxer Balrog, and Chris Klein (I’m sorry, no one from “American Pie” can be a badass brawler) as Charlie Nash. Rounding out the cast are Moon Bloodgood, Taboo from the Black Eyed Peas, Edmund Chen and and Cheng Pei Pei.

I’m sorry, but this seems like a nightmare. Where are the classic characters? I can’t imagine a “Street Fighter” flick without the likes of Vega, Dhalsim, E. Honda or Blanka. It’s like making “X-Men” without Wolverine or Cyclops – pointless.

By the way, Andrzej Bartkowiak is directing this future classic. Yes, the mastermind behind “Doom,” “Romeo Must Die” and “Cradle 2 the Grave” is at the helm.

Wolverine

Oh boy, here we go again. Why are we calling this film “X-Men Origins: Wolverine,” with a ridiculous cast that grows more and more every day. I’m sorry but what the fuck is going on here? Isn’t this film supposed to be a character-driven piece that delves into the history of Logan? Are we not supposed to gain some sort of insight about his past?

Nope – we’re meant to see Ryan Reynolds in tight red spandex as the ‘merc with a mouth’ Deadpool, and see greasy fanboys drool over the random inclusion of Gambit. Taylor Kitsch (Friday Night Lights) will be putting on the trench coat and Cajun accent for, reportedly, a three-picture deal.

Goddammit. Are you kidding me? Not only are we going to see Gambit wasted in a Wolverine movie, but we’re going to have to deal with a crappy spin-off and a potential “X-Men 4: The New Class” flick? Jesus. Just shoot me now. Comic book movies are almost as dead as HD-DVD.

Apparently in one film Wolverine is going to encounter Stryker (Danny Huston), Sabretooth (Liev Schreiber), Silver Fox (Lynn Collins) and apparently Deadpool (Reynolds) and the Blob.

It’s bad enough “X-Men: The Last Stand” killed off most of the franchise’s characters, now we’re going to watch one of its only survivors undergo a painful spin-off that will probably be even worse than its predecessor. Say it ain’t so!

At this point I’m wishing I could get recruited into the Weapon X program so maybe I wouldn’t remember this is actually happening. What’s more surprising is that David Benioff (who adapted “The Kite Runner”) is in charge of this seemingly muddled script, and “Tsotsi” director Gavin Hood is allowing this junk to be made.

Gotham Knight

Now that I’ve let some steam loose on the Marvel side of things, it’s time to relax and recollect myself in the hopes of this DC product. “Batman: Gotham Knight” is a 2008 animated direct-to-DVD anthology film of six animated short films set in-between “Batman Begins” and “The Dark Knight. ”

Directed by Bruce Timm, co-creator and producer of Batman: The Animated Series, the film’s six segments are written by Josh Olson, David Goyer, Brian Azzarello, Greg Rucka, Jordan Goldberg, and Alan Burnett. Each segment will have its own unique style and interpretation of Gotham and its Gothic superhero. Deadshot, Killer Croc, and the Scarecrow have all been confirmed to appear in the film.

I posted a news story on this with a sneak preview of some of the animation that you should definitely check out – it looks like it’s going to be really innovative and on par with “The Animatrix,” which I thoroughly enjoyed – more than those two sequels anyway.

The Clone Wars… again.

Okay, so if you know anything about me you know I’m a huge Star Wars fan. I make no apologies for my unconditional love of the franchise. Lucas is attempting to make up for the lack of character development in the prequels by making yet another animated series based on the time between Episodes II and III, the Clone Wars.

Personally, I loved the 2003 animated series by Genndy Tartakovsky. It captured a fun, over-the-top atmosphere with gritty visuals and a story that was better than Episode II by far. Now Lucas is erasing his own continuity with a new animated series. This Clone Wars series packs more of a punch, with 30-minute episodes and state of the art storytelling through the technology of 3D computer graphics.

Perhaps one of the most interesting things about the new series is the sudden introduction of new character Ahsoka Tano, Anakin’s feisty female padawan. Yes, apparently Anakin Skywalker had a padawan… strange that George forgot to mention this in Episode III. I guess he was too busy giving Anakin the darkside plunge he deserved… oh wait.

Anyway, the series is set to debut in theaters, taking the first three or four episodes and combining them to make a full-length animated feature. This will jumpstart a fall premiere for the television series on Cartoon Network and TNT.

I’ve actually got a lot of hope for this series – combined with the new video game, The Force Unleashed, and the live-action show that is currently in the works – it seems Star Wars will live on for quite some time, and maybe – just maybe – George can make up for the mistakes he made with the prequels…

The Climax

Ah, so ends another column. I hope some of this ranting was informative or at least slightly amusing. If I could say one more thing, it would be to start watching ABC’s Lost. It’s the best show on television – period. If you’re one of the unfortunate few who haven’t been completely absorbed in the show’s storytelling, then by all means go out and rent the first three seasons on DVD and get caught up… or else.