The Cynical Optimist 26/03/08

As I finished reading the latest edition of Caffeinated Clint I realized that Clint is an angry man. Okay, so maybe he isn’t a raving lunatic – but the dude is seriously a machine built for ranting. I realized only seconds after finishing his piece that my column this week could in no way, shape or form compare to the sheer brilliance weaved throughout his madness.

So, I decided to inform you – the people – of a couple great films you should all be seeking out, as I seem to be (for the most part) fresh out of things to bitch about.

The Mist on DVD!

Frank Darabont’s adaptation of Stephen King’s novella, “The Mist,” was one of my favorite films of 2007. Sure it wasn’t the best film, nor did it have great special effects or a huge budget spent on an entire ensemble of Oscar-nominated actors, but it did have a lot of heart.

If you didn’t get around to seeing “The Mist” and appreciating it for its old school horror roots, then now you have a great chance to catch up. I strongly urge everyone to check out the 2-disc special edition DVD of “The Mist,” as it features a ton of great bonus footage as well as a complete BLACK-AND-WHITE cut of the film that is even better than the regular version.

The film lends itself to this b-movie black-and-white presentation, and honestly it makes the special effects look more realistic – more frightening even. GO GET IT NOW!

I’ve got the “Robocop” Blues…

A while back you may have seen my news snippet that AintItCoolNews pointed to a press release from MGM that lists a new RoboCop movie alongside upcoming franchise films already in development.

Unfortunately, it seems like a sure bet that MGM would revamp and remake the first film, rather than pick up where 1993’s RoboCop 3 left off. It’s strange how, in the ’80s anyway, this was a tent pole franchise and character that has basically dropped off the pop culture radar, with only a sweded trailer of the original 1987 classic bloodbath in Be Kind Rewind coming to mind.

I’d be fine with a shitty sequel – I mean, “Robocop 2” was nothing to write home about and the third one was just straight-up ridiculous, but a reboot to the franchise? Great – lets make it a modern day movie with none of the shocking violence, sick humor and sharp satire of the original. That sounds wonderful. While we’re at it, maybe we can put some bling and spinning rims on Robocop as he chases generic hoodlums all around Detroit.

Robocop had an amazing supporting cast, with Ronny Cox as Dick Jones, the asshole CEO of OCP – not to mention Kurtwood Smith (Red from “The ’70s Show) as the insidious Clarence Boddicker – isn’t that the best villain name ever?

The thing is, the original couldn’t get any darker or more relevant – it still holds up and is an amazing piece of societal satire. Why would someone want to fucking ruin that and tarnish the name of “Robocop” for good?

If there HAS to be a remake, I’d rather see it in the hands of someone with some skill who will take the project seriously instead of making it an all-out action flick. I wouldn’t mind seeing what Robert Rodriguez could do with the project.

Family vacations are scary as hell…
From: BigLickU.com

Anne (Naomi Watts) and George (Tim Roth) arrive at their vacation home ready to enjoy a summer of golf and sailing with their son (Devon Gearhart) and the family dog. Sounds harmless enough, right?

It would be harmless, except “Funny Games” isn’t a family comedy about life and the bumps along the way. It is, however, German director Michael Haneke’s remake of his own 1997 film. The original Austrian version, a disturbing and unsettling thriller, has been Americanized by Haneke to expose U.S. audiences to the same shock which made the original so memorable.

With father and son out doing some work on the boat, Anne is left with the tedious chore of unpacking groceries, which just got a lot more interesting with the arrival of some unwanted guests.

A knock on the door introduces Anne to Peter (Brady Corbet) and Paul (Michael Pitt), two young men in golf attire who seem as neat and clean as the little white gloves they wear. Initially Anne thinks nothing of their politeness and harmless asking for eggs. It’s a simple explanation; the neighbors (which the boys are staying with) are cooking and find themselves in desperate need of four eggs.

Even though Peter has no idea what they’re cooking, he insists on needing the eggs, and Anne immediately helps out. Unfortunately, clumsy Peter drops the eggs, which irritates Anne a little, but nothing can be done about it – spilt milk right? Then another set of eggs is dropped, and now Paul has entered the fray. Their friendly visit is losing its welcome, and now their real motive is shining through their fake smiles and shining eyes.

After Paul and Peter familiarize themselves with the family dog, the terrible twosome antagonizes Anne to the point of tears, but luckily her husband comes in from the docks. She wants them out, and George does his best to understand what happened to make his wife so anxious and apprehensive towards the seemingly nice boys at their door.

George is easily manipulated by Peter and Paul, and with some help from a trusty golf club, George is left laying on the floor with a broken leg. From this point the happy little family on summer vacation is taken hostage for a terrifying night of anything but “funny” games.

This film is so incredibly distressing I found myself having a panic attack while watching it. As a commentary on violence and voyeurism, “Funny Games” succeeds on nearly every level – but much like films “Requiem for a Dream” and “The Devil’s Rejects,” leaves me feeling dirty and hollow after viewing. It borders on sadism, a completely depraved journey through the depths of evil and darkness.

Peter and Paul are seriously perturbed and more than a bit on the psychotic side. Their “funny games” are sick and twisted and without any hint of morals. At one point, young son Georgie is forced to play “cat in the bag,” where the two boys put a pillowcase over his head and tighten it when he disobeys. While this is going on, Anne is forced to strip in front of the entire room while her son desperately gasps for air, the outline of his face showing through the pillowcase like a skeleton.

The pacing at which this torture takes place is exceedingly excruciating. Cuts are few and far between, with long drawn-out shots giving our imagination time to think up the unspeakable horrors being committed in the house. The film has a way of never cutting away, yet never fully showing the action taking place. In itself, the cinematography is playing a game with the audience, poking and prodding them to imagine how horrible it might really be.

If you’re looking for that kind of brutal, psychotic spring fling then I suggest foregoing the bloody, pointless gore of films like “Saw 4” and “Hostel 2” and get your hands dirty in the never-ending pits of unexplainable tension and depravity that exists in “Funny Games.” It’s a laugh riot.

3.5 Stars

“Confessions of a Superhero”
All the fame without the fortune…
From: BigLickU.com

“I always thought that if I had a superpower, no way would I wear a mask and a costume.”
—Stan Lee

Take a stroll down Hollywood Boulevard and you’re bound to bump into just about anybody. From Jack Sparrow to Chewbacca, Freddy Krueger to Elmo, the walk of fame is filled with living, breathing characters.

Among these mere mortals are heroes clad in capes and spandex, in masks and suits. They are the protectors of peace and defenders of justice, but above all they are pretenders.

Who are these people? They’re idealists with bright eyes and broken dreams, wannabe movie stars who have possibly one of the most unique day jobs possible.

In “Confessions of a Superhero,” a documentary from director Matt Ogens, secret identities are shed as we learn the story behind the suits. The film focuses on four would-be crime fighters: Superman, Batman, Wonder Woman and the Incredible Hulk, who patrol the stars and cemented handprints of L.A.’s walk of fame, posing for pictures with tourists in front of Grauman’s Chinese Theatre.

Christopher Lloyd Dennis is Superman. While he lacks the agility to jump tall buildings in a single bound, or the speed to outrun locomotives, Dennis does strike an uncanny resemblance to the late Christopher Reeve. The word ‘obsessed’ doesn’t even come close to describing Dennis’s unrelenting fixation on the man of steel.

Upon entering his apartment one gets lost in the dizzying collage of reds, blues and yellows. There are countless action figures, lunch boxes, posters and prints of Superman – so much in fact the true color of his walls, floors and ceilings are as much a mystery as the root of his obsession.

Every morning Dennis gets up and prepares himself for the role he must play for the rest of the day. After a shower, Dennis painstakingly gels his hair to get that one perfect little curl, the signature do of Superman. Upon getting the black ringlet in place, he douses it in hairspray before putting on his costume – a replica of the Christopher Reeve suit used in the 1978 “Superman” movie.

Behind every Superman is a Wonder Woman I suppose, and on Hollywood Boulevard an ambitious Jennifer Gerht fills her boots. Compared to her fellow impersonators, Gerht might be the most average, normal person on the walk. Unlike the others, Gerht has no real obsession with the character she plays – nor is she delusional about what she does.

“This is my insane occupation,” admits Gerht. A former prom queen from Maynardville, Tennessee, the beautiful Gerht packed her bags and headed to Hollywood in hopes of becoming an actress. Taking pictures with passersby as Wonder Woman is just a day job – one that pays the bills until she can land some real acting work.

Gehrt is a pleasing addition to the documentary. As Wonder Woman, Gerht is a confident, gorgeous Amazon in an ocean of characters. When she unfolds her story to the camera, suddenly her vulnerable side, often hidden behind sequins and spandex, comes to the surface.

On the other side of town, the dark knight puts his latex boots on. Yes, while Bruce Wayne may live in Gotham, Maxwell Allen lives in L.A., roaming the boulevard of broken dreams as Batman.

Allen differs from his friend and fellow impersonator Christopher Dennis in the fact that he has no outward fascination for his alter ego. Allen never intended to get involved in show business, but when people noticed he looked just like George Clooney, he got the idea to give acting a try.

Now he dons the cape and cowl of Batman, and to be honest, he isn’t that different from the ‘real’ one. You see, Allen has a bit of an anger management issue –a real short fuse that could blow at any second. Much like the caped crusader, Allen is a brooding, dark figure – even in the hot sun of Los Angeles.

As a former collector for the mob, Allen isn’t too proud of his violent (and possibly murderous) past. He spends his days working through his issues with various martial arts classes, as well as trips to his psychiatrist. Did I mention he wears the suit during sessions with his counselor?

Finally there’s the modest and affable Joeseph McQueen, who portrays the Incredible Hulk. Originally from Pinehurst, North Carolina, McQueen was also drawn to the appeal of Hollywood’s bright lights.

“I just sold my Super Nintendo, got a Greyhound bus ticket and headed out here,” Says McQueen, who never expected to be standing inside the shell of a green and purple Hulk costume. Things could be worse, and unfortunately for McQueen, things have always been worse it seems – as he spent five years homeless in L.A. before becoming the Hulk.

McQueen is perhaps the most likeable of the four characters we meet in “Confessions of a Superhero.” You root for him – cheer him on his in quest to make a name for himself. He’s just a nice guy, one that seems truly like Bruce Banner, locked inside the savage interior of the Hulk.

Simply put, “Confessions of a Superhero” is a beautiful documentary. It has a quiet, serene and downright melancholy atmosphere filled with moving photography and a color palette that is very appealing to the eye. The locations and set pieces director Matt Ogens chooses as his characters’ confessionals are lonely and truly reflective of the film’s subjects.

In a way, by wearing masks and costumes, these performers wear their hearts on their spandex-clad sleeves. It’s touching and quirky and often too surreal to believe. For right now it seems they have all the fame without the fortune, starry eyes with sights set on leading roles and a permanent place on the walk of fame.

As our Wonder Woman so eloquently puts it, heroes are iconic and everlasting. “What else is there, you know?” asks Jennifer Gehrt. “Sure, a doctor saves lives, but is he remembered? Is he there for all times? People are still talking about Marilyn Monroe.”

“Confessions of a Superhero” is a quirky, moving film that speaks to our own inadequacies, and the hero that we all wish we could be. I recommend this documentary for those looking for an honest, inspiring plunge into the superhero psyche.

4 Stars

The Strangers

So has anyone seen the trailer for “The Strangers,” a suspense-packed horror film starring Liv Tyler? Well if you haven’t I suggest heading on over to YouTube and checking it out, because it scared the shit out of me.

Based on true events, “The Strangers” is a story about a young couple who cozy up in a remote getaway only to be terrorized by three unknown assailants. Basically, fucking creepy people in bag masks with cut-out eye holes and all that good stuff. When Liv Tyler’s character asks why they’re doing this to them, one of them simply replies, “Because you were home.”

Now that’s fucked up.

Okay, tha’s it for this edition. I’ll try to be more pissed off next time! I’m sorry Clint, don’t beat me up in the alley like last time.