Caffeinated Clint
How many times have you walked into a video store and spotted a cover for a sequel or prequel you didn’t know existed? I’m betting even the savviest of film buffs have been taken by surprise via the dog-eared sleeve of a title they’ve spotted at Blockbuster on one occasion or another. My mission (why do I always hear Jim Phelps when I say or type that!?) over the past week has been to locate and list the most hard-to-find sequels you’ve [probably] never heard of. I must stress, proceed towards any of these titles with caution.
10.Splash Too! (1988)
Just try finding this on DVD – let alone VHS (it’s been out of print for years). Four years after Daryl Hannah exposed some fin in Tom Hanks’ bathtub, Disney decided the time was right for Allen (played by Hanks in Ron Howard’s original) and Madison (played by Hannah) to dry off. Instead of rehiring the dream team, Disney decided they’d do this one on the cheap – film it at their new Disney-MGM Studios complex, make it for television rather than cinema, and cast a couple of cheap look-a-likes (Todd Waring, Amy Yasbeck) in the Hanks and Hannah roles (and Donovan ‘Police Academy’ Scott in the John Candy role).
Yasbeck, probably best known for her work in the “Problem Child” films (with late husband John Ritter), couldn’t fit into the tail that Hannah wore in the original (no surprise, Hannah’s a rake!) so Disney had to shell out extra bucks for a custom-made one to be constructed. Ha Ha!
In the sequel, Allen (Waring – this was the second time had been hired to replace Hanks in a follow-up, he starred in the short-lived TV spin-off of Hanks’ “Nothing in Common”) and mermaid love Madison (Yasbeck, “Wings”) return to New York City because he’s been missing life in the fast lane but more so, brother Freddie (Scott). No real surprises… well, except for the fact that Dody Goodman agreed to reprise her role as Mrs Stimler for the movie; must’ve been strapped for cash!?
I saw this film when it was first released on VHS, but I believe it initially aired on TV as a two-part Disney Movie of the week.
9.Encino Woman (1996)
It was unearthed, believe me.This telemovie sequel to the Brendan Fraser hit was essentially an in-name only follow-up with the focus on a new newly-thawed prehistoric player – in this case, Lucy Katherine Kousi. Filling the void of Sean Astin is Corey Parker (from one of my favourite guilty pleasures “How I Got Into College”) who plays a young intern at a marketing firm that gets a step-up when he introduces the beautiful cavegirl to his bosses, in turn scoring them a major star in the making. TV vet Jay Thomas (“Muphy Brown”) had a role, John Kassir (Mr Julie Benz) was in there, Bobcat Goldthwait had a cameo, and Elisa Donovan (from an amazing film called “Complacent” *cough* You sell-out Clint! *cough*) turns up in a couple of scenes, too. The film is as useless as an acid-dipped Trojan… likely explains why it’s not available on VHS or DVD.
8.The Hidden 2 (1993)
As a huge fan of Jack Sholder’s “The Hidden” (1987) I was stoked to discover a sequel had been made…… right up until I rented it. To this day, I still cringe when I think about it. Horrible. Seth Pinsker’s 1993 film could’ve been any movie – it bears no semblance or any thematic thread to the Kyle MacLachlan-starring original, but more so, is an absolute out-and-out dance of the dulls! The only welcome part of the movie? The first fifteen minutes! Why? Because it’s the last fifteen minutes from the first film! They’ve just re-used it! Cheapskates! In this one, Michael Welden (who?) takes over from Michael Nouri as the cop Becks who, we discover, is still harboring the ‘good alien’ inside his body – that’s taking its toll on him though (as it would). The hero, or rather heroine, of this one is Beck’s daughter, Juliet (Kate Hodge) who is on the hunt for some discarded evil alien eggs. Here’s a challenge: See if you can recognize any of the names within the cast of this abysmal excuse for celluloid! And after wards, pull the original “Hidden” out of storage!
7.Another Midnight Run (1994)
Can’t get Robert DeNiro? Well, of course…. you get “Shooter McGavin from Happy Gilmore”!
Not Christopher McDonald’s fault (he plays DeNiro’s character Jack Walsh) this straight-to-telly sequel to Martin Brest’s brilliant 1988 action/comedy turned out like it did, but Jesus, shows how much love the producers had for the thing just going by the casting! It’s a wonder they didn’t go non-union!? Or worse, grab Lorenzo Lamas! Surprised Louie Anderson doesn’t make an appearance as Grodin’s character, The Duke!
The first of several telemovies (did anyone even watch them!?) following the ‘further adventures of bounty hunter Jack Walsh’, this one has our leather jacket-adorned go-getter on the tail of a couple of uber-tricky cons (Jeffrey Tambor and Cathy Moriarty) who, even after they’ve been tracked down, manage to elude capture. Which I could tell you more…. But quite frankly, I don’t remember anything more about it.
Most of the characters we know and love from the original films have been brought back for the follow-up – Marvin Dorfler (played in this by ‘80s villain, Ed O’Ross), Eddie Moscone (Dan Hedaya standing in for Joey Pants), and Jerry Geisler (John Fleck) – but that’s the only smart thing director James Frawley did.
6.Romy & Michele : In the Beginning (2005)
Hard to believe Katherine Heigl is headlining big studio movies these days – just a few short years ago she was standing in for Mira Sorvino (yep, Mira Sorvino said ‘no’ to something!) in a little-seen direct-to-TV prequel to ‘’Romy & Michelle’s High School Reunion”. Strange thing though, there hasn’t been much improvement in the quality of the films the “Grey’s Anatomy” starlet has made – she’s still making the cinema equivalent of a razor-induced pap smear.
The Robin Schiff-written/directed prequel tells of how Romy (Heigl) and Michelle (Alexandra Breckenridge) escaped their small town for the dream factory (Hollywood). When they arrive, the duo meet such hugely-successful megastars as Paula Abdul (What, George Hamilton not available?) and William Ragsdale (Okay, to be fair, he’s actually playing a character – or is he!?) and yearn to be granted admittance into the hottest nightclub in town.
The only time I advise watching it is if the Test Pattern isn’t on another channel.
5.Phenomenon II (2003)
What is it with Disney and their cheap direct-to-TV offerings?
This is supposed to be a sequel to the John Travolta movie. Thing is, upon discovering that the “Grease” heartthrob’s character died at the end of the first film, the producers seemingly decided to simply ‘reboot’ the movie. Thus, for all intents and purposes, this is a remake (in the same way that that no-frills “Raiders : The Adaption” thing that those kids did over a span of four or five years is a remake of the first “Indy” movie) – albeit one of the ink-is-running-out Xerox variety. It’s so weird though, this has all the same dialogue as the Travolta movie and every sequence replicated…. It’s like the ‘alternate universe’ version of the Travolta flick.
Christopher Shyer (TVs “V”) plays the Travolta role – that of the mechanic who turns genius – and I tell ya, he gives the best performance of a robot since ED 209 in the Verhoeven flick.
A few good actors in here – Peter Coyote, Jill Clayburgh, Terry O’Quinn – that shouldn’t be.
4.Burden of Proof (1992)
The straight-to-video follow-up to the Harrison Ford thriller ‘’Presumed Innocent” (1990). Funnily enough, Brian Dennehy, who had a role in the Ford film, returns for this one – but as a different character. This one fixes on the character of Sandy Stern (Raul Julia played the character in “Presumed Innocent”), played by Garry Marshall-fave Hector Elizondo, who comes home to find his wife has been murdered. You can guess the rest.
“Burden of Proof”, which like its predecessor is based on a book by Scott Turow, is nowhere near as good as “Presumed Innocent” (too many soapy elements; the plot isn’t as captivating; Elizondo – as good as he is – is no match for Julia) but you’ll at least be entertained.
Still, silly idea casting Dennehy in it – particularly if he’s not playing the same dude!
3. The Jerk Too (1984)
Released (to TV) shortly after the release of the Steve Martin movie, this rather odd follow-up mightn’t encompass the giggles of the original but is still surprisingly enjoyable in its own low-cost, geez-I-miss-Steve kinda way. There’s some great dialogue in here (the monologue at the end is terrific) and for the most part Mark Blankfield is an acceptable proxy for Martin as Navin Johnson but again, takes a lot to overlook Martin’s absence from an otherwise Ok line-up (Ray Waltson, Robert Sampson and Patricia Barry).
I believe you can get this in a two-pack with the original “Jerk” in the states.
2. The Birds II : Land’s End (1994)
Seemingly cash-strapped and due to have a prescription fulfilled Tippi Hedren returned to do battle with those winged bastards once again in a sequel to Alfred Hitchcock’s ‘60s classic.
Tom Berenger-look-a-like Brad Johnson (“Always”) plays a father who relocates his family to a small island where they’re hoping for a nice, fun fresh start. Caw! Caw! Caw!
Director Rick Rosenthal thought so much of the film he… disowned it. The ever-elusive Alan Smithee is now credited with helming the telemovie.
To the film’s defense, it does feature some nice photography of birds. Yep, big drawcard.
1. Revenge of the Nerds III : The Next Generation (1992)
I was working in a video shop at the time the preview tape for this one turned up. Didn’t even know the movie existed (Remember, this was years before anyone had heard of the internet and any available movie magazine in the newsagent was likely going to be a three-month old issue) so it was quite a surprise! I remember begging the store owner to take it home that night and be the first to preview the further adventures of the Lambda Lambda Lambda gang. Youth can blind.
“Revenge of the Nerds II : Nerds in Paradise” wasn’t much of a sequel, but this is a friggin’ vein-cutter!
Shocking!
All those classic characters (even Gilbert, played by Anthony Edwards in the originals, makes an appearance – only now he’s fat and unrecognizable) are back, but they’ve lost their spunk, silliness and drive to thwart the jocks (in fact, the jokes become the nerds in this one). I’m surprised Fox were able to entice so many of the original actors back (even Ted McGinley and Julie Montgomery came back) but I’m more surprised this do so well Fox immediately greenlit a further two films in the series. Lest we forget!
Note
i. Please Consult Your Doctor before mixing any of the above titles with “I’ll Always Know What You Did Last Summer”, “TimeCop 2 : Berlin Decision”, “Universal Soldier : Brothers in Arms”, “Mannequin 2 on the Move”, “Iron Eagle III : Aces” or “Snow Buddies”.
ii. If you believe you may have overdosed on one of the above titles please see your nearest DVD retailer for a copy of “Once Upon A Time in America”, “Boyz N’ The Hood”, “Klute” or “Escape from New York”.
