Caffeinated Clint
with Clint Morris
With my finger, I type….with my mouth, I respond nattily….with your hand, you hurtle tomatoes….must be our weekly look-back, huh?
15 Things We Learnt This Week…..
1 : “Serenity” Rocks. Trust Me.
2 : Though nice to look at, Timbo’s re-tool of “Charlie and the Chocolate Factory” doesn’t quite measure up. It’s like a “Turkish Delight” – same as most on the outside, but with a disturbing, slightly wacky centre. Gotta be thankful Mr Bonham Carter’s not doing the “Charlotte’s Web” remake though (They’d be having roast-spit at the end of the film, with Danny Elfman’s maniacal score playing over the pastiche).
3 : Subway, in Australia, has discovered something magnificent…..toasting your subs. Next week, KFC discovers tomato sauce goes well on chips.
4 : That another film might be banned in Australia – “Mysterious Skin”. I guess they think a movie about Michael Jackson’s anarchic body-tan might be harmful to locals?
5 : That Channel Ten, Australia, is about to premiere it’s hot-new series…. “Sex and the City”. Welcome to 2001 fools. What, not enough “Simpsons” to fill the blank spots?
6 : That we lost a great TV icon this week, James Doohan. No Jokes about that, because, well “I can’t push it any further…”. Seriously, a big loss.
7 : Cameron Diaz is suiting over those topless photo’s. Cam, save your money for something more worthwhile: Like suing the producers of “Feeling Minnesota” for misleading you into thinking it was going to be worthwhile.
8 : That I always thought a lovely female critic was brushing her foot across mine at media screenings until I read in the paper that there’s actually mice running amok in one of the cinemas they show us films. Ah well….feels good…keep it up Mickey.
9 : That Kyra Sedgwick has been offered a fat load of cash to strip off for “Playboy”. Hubby, Kevin Bacon has been paid a fat load of cash not to strip off for “Playboy”.
10 : Courtney Love has been taken to hospital because she “felt faint”. No doubt she later complained of seeing a giant-spider crawling across the ceiling and tiny men perched behind her bed with laser pistols.
11 : That Jessica Biel was sick on the set of “Stealth”, because of motion sickness. And there folks is the reason she decided not to date me. (Ouch! Who through that frickin’ tomato!)
12 : That The Rock’s next movie, “Doom”, is supposed to be pretty good too. No wonder Schwarzenegger’s delaying his return to the big-screen.
13 : George Elliot has announced a sequel to “The Crop”. Enough to make you wanna quit the business, huh?
14 : That I still think Lara Flynn Boyle would’ve made a good Invisible Woman. Ponder.
15 : That you should really save your documents in case of an electricity black-out. Not that I don’t like re-typing this column.
