Caffeinated Clint
I don’t watch a lot of Television these days. Not because I don’t want too, but because I know better. I know that if I start watching a show, especially something really good, there’s still a chance it’ll be yanked from our screens by the time it’s even aired half of its sophomore season. It’s what TV networks like to call ‘let’s fuck with the home-viewer’.
Case in point : “Firefly”, “Now and Again”, “Drive”, “Aliens in America”, “New Amsterdam”, “Kitchen Confidential”, “Deadwood” – the list goes on.
Oh, and here’s another : “My Own Worst Enemy”.
And ya know what!? The bastards got me again…. I was starting to watch this thing…. it’s as if they knew!
I so didn’t see this coming. I really didn’t. Christian Slater had to be coaxed back to telly with some mighty big fat bags of cash to do this thing (not that he really had anything much going in movie-land), and by all intents and purposes, NBC were really banking on it to be a hit. Even if has experienced a dip in the ratings, I never thought the network would be so stupid but to just immediately scrap it.
There’s too much potential in this for it just to be thrown on the scrap-heap… along with “Valentine”, “That 80’s Show”, “Smith” and “The Comeback”.
Why not just re-tool it? Jazz it up? Fuck, bring Heath Locklear onboard to play the new landlord!?
“Enemy” received NBC’s coveted post-“Heroes” time period – thought to be a cushy spot. But because “Heroes” is losing viewers by the week – a-ha, so it’s that time-travelling fat Asian guy’s fault! – so has been “Enemy”.
For those that haven’t caught it, the “Alias”-esque series centres on a guy with a, well, split personality – he’s a spy, and he’s also a boring old father and white-collar worker type.
It goes a little like this : Edward Albright is a super spy. Henry Spivey is living the normal American dream in the suburbs with his wife, two kids and dog. The two men have one thing in common – they share the same body because Edward took part in an experiment several years earlier to create a split personality.
Here’s the promo trailer released earlier this year :
It’s a very entertaining show – and Slater is great in it. I can only imagine where the producers could’ve and would’ve taken the show had it to be allowed a full-season order. Hopefully they’ve got some back-up plans up their sleeves… like, for instance, a movie?
But the question remains : Why this? Why not something that deserves to be sent to its grave?
What I don’t understand is – and granted, I like the show, so I’m not complaining – why “Terminator : The Sarah Connor Chronicles” is still on the air, when nobody seems to be watching it and haven’t since the pilot, and yet something much better written like “My Own Worst Enemy” is a goner?
And Please, “Kath & Kim”, the terrible Yankee version of a fab Aussie show, gets a full-season order? Was that a mistake? Did someone in programming catch something from a tainted libra fleur? Â I’m more confused by that decision than Tom Cruise was when Mimi Rogers announced she’d be leaving him for plastic…
And look, I don’t mind “Chuck”, and I can live with “Bones”, but are they really that great? Are they really the must-see shows of the moment?
And while we’re at it : Why is “Smallville” still on the air? Didn’t they realise it wouldn’t be worth doing without Michael Rosenbaum… let alone John Schneider? Â (I’m loyal to the show, and I still watch it, but is there really anything left to see? And will they just hurry-up and have Doomsday kill someone, already!)
I know, I know, I sound disgruntled, and yes, you’d think I would’ve leant my lesson and just started watching reality shows or bad sitcoms – because at least they’re likely to stay on the air for a wee bit longer than something that’s, er, actually good.
Thankfully “Friday Night Lights” is still on the air. Knock on Wood.
High School Musical Madness…
So I hear – I stress ‘hear‘ because Disney loathe the ‘Hole and wouldn’t dare invite anyone from the site to talk to their touring talent; man, that talking Lion missed out big time huh!? – that those lucky Australian journalists that have been granted interviews with the stars of “High School Musical 3” this week have been kindly asked not to ask the talent about ‘plastic surgery’ or ‘their relationships’.
Plastic surgery!? What the fuck!?
Would anyone seriously walk into their 7-minute interview with Zac Efron and straight-up ask :
“Anyway, tummy tuck. What do you think of ‘em?”
Or,
“Hi Vanessa. Saw your nudie pics on the internet. What do you think about breast implants?”
This is about as ridiculous as…. Well, the ten bodyguards that surrounded Brendan Fraser at his “Mummy” interviews this year.
And does anyone even care about Zac and Vanessa’s relationship?
Heck, I care about as much that their young are rubbing together as I do about the movie. And seriously, do we need to ask about their relationship – did they not get photographed walking outside of the same hotel room together?!
But seriously, these kinds of orders aren’t just silly, they’re disrespectful. Can’t you trust the interviewees that you’ve roped into talking to these teen moppets will ask only the fairest and most interesting of questions? Why is it that journalists are such a threat? Especially here – in Australia – where the most threatening interviewer – willing to go where others dare not – is either, er, Mike Hammond or James Valentine. Does anyone even stop for a minute to consider that the journo’s are actually doing the studio the favour in this case – they’re trumpeting the heck out of this money-spinner…. And believe me, half of them couldn’t care less.
But just in case a few of you were planning to ask Zac Efron whether he’ll consider extending his beak in the future or what his Mrs gets up to in the bedroom, and are now devoid of questions to ask, here’s a few suggestions :
Zac, your parents forgot the ‘K’. What up with that?
Zac, Remind us just how upset you were when Clint Morris from Moviehole informed you that someone had faked a Zac Efron Facebook profile? (He was seriously very upset that someone would do that! shame on you!)
Zac, do you prefer to sleep in a single-bed, bunks or a nice queen size bed? (a good way to skirt around the ‘relationship’ question)
Zac, are you planning to remake Kevin Bacon’s “White Water Summer” after you finish trashing “Footloose”?
Vanessa, Hi, Er, which one are you again? Are you the one with the pics on the internet?
Hi Guys, so, um, have any of you actually ever attended High School?
Zac, in a recent interview you said of your career “I’ll see where the wind takes me.” Now have you looked into that gas problem?
Zac, who would win a street brawl : You or Nikki Blonsky?
Ashley, you sang at the White House once. Did Clinton show you his trumpet?
Corbin, who are you again?
Guys, have Disney spilt the news to you yet that they’ve just made deals with your managers that’ll see you making High School Musical sequels till you’re 35? Zac, you look white – are you OK?
Hi Guys, I thought the ‘Halloween’ subplot of the film had been discarded. I say this because I still found the film to be bloody frightening!
Vanessa, did anyone tell you that in the scene where Gabrielle and Troy waltz, your microphone is visible for a few seconds. Yes, I said microphone.
All, now do you think all these kids, standing outside the premiere, are actually fainting at the sight of you all or is those scratch-and-sniff cards that the studio was handing out prior to the event?
Hope that helps!
I’m off to get armless like that dude in the Star Wars cantina!
Clint
