Hey, can you guys hang on for a minute? I’m just on the phone.

OK. I’m back. Thanks for your patience. Appreciate it. No, really, I do.

Beautiful friggin’ day here. The sun is shining, the birds are cheeping, and the barbecue’s are warming up . Oh, and about 90 percent of the population are probably either sitting in a theater watching some inane blockbuster, or they’re glued to the TV screen at home – possibly watching the footy. I can’t talk – probably took an Ice-Cream van and a walk-by from a hot group of girls to get me outside as a youngster too.

Young Clint : “Sun!? Who cares about the Sun! RoboCop is about to crush Ed 209!”.

I dare say “Tropic Thunder” is again going to be the film to beat this weekend – the film is bigger than, well, Tom Cruise’s monstrous arms in that movie ! Did the dude inject liquid marshmallow into his elbows before filming his scenes!?
The Paramount – my god Paramount are having a good year aren’t they? Tamar might even get a raise! – hit wiped the floor with the new FOX release this weekend. And by the looks of it, the competition’s not getting up any time soon.

Yep, looks like FOX has a literal ‘Disaster Movie’ on their hands – speaking of which, did anyone actually bother to see that thing!? I fuckin’ hope not, you’re not welcome at my annual Summer Sausage Sizzle if you paid money to see that bitch – with the new Vin Diesel starrer “Babylon A.D” – and if you ask director Matthieu Kassovitz, he’ll say it deserves them right. His middle finger has been permanently erected for over a week now.

According to the director (and I know you’ve all read about this, but for the sake of the column, pretend you haven’t), they butt-fucked him in the editing room – extracted the class, guts and core of the story from his film so that they could release something with a shorter running-time, less violence and less-challenging storyline (on a side note : It’s not quite as bad as Kassovitz has been telling the press; some of it’s actually quite fun).

Rothman : “It worked for Revenge of the Nerds II : Nerds in Paradise, why wouldn’t it work for this?”

Kassovitz : ‘’Are you serious? Did you read the script?’’

Rothman : ‘’Of course not. I’m too busy for that Kasso-whatever-your-name-is. Is there one? Heck, we don’t need one –Vin Diesel is in it. We can market the film as…’’

Kassovitz : ‘’Live Free or Die Bald’’?

Rothman : Yes. Indeed. Now where are those scissors? I need to cut that whole middle section out of the film. Actually, bring in the music editor… we’re going to have him score an overlay track over the scenes where anyone talks. Nobody wants to hear actual chit-chat!

The fact of the matter is, all the 11th hour tinkering that FOX did on “Babylon A.D” has left them, yet again, another few hundred million down this month. The pic took in a measly $11.5 million over the weekend – considering it cost $70 million, it’s going to be tough for it to make a profit.

Kassovitz believes it’d have done better if the studio hadn’t messed with his movie.

“I never had a chance to do one scene the way it was written or the way I wanted it to be,” Kassovitz tells AMCTVcom. “The script wasn’t respected. Bad producers, bad partners, it was a terrible experience.”

“It’s pure violence and stupidity.” he admits. “The movie is supposed to teach us that the education of our children will mean the future of our planet. All the action scenes had a goal: They were supposed to be driven by either a metaphysical point of view or experience for the characters … instead parts of the movie are like a bad episode of 24.”

Kassovitz’s comments have probably hurt the film even more than that “11th hour tinkering” did though. Vern from Aint it Cool News was telling me this morning that he was initially interested, but after reading Kassovitz’s unsavoury comments has decided to dodge the film completely – or at least until it gets a DVD release (which could be as early as Christmas).

Not to say Kassovitz’s comments weren’t fair.

‘’Plus”, says Vern, “I recently read (was it on moviehole?) that Alex Proyas said he would never work for Fox again because of how hard it was for him to make I, Robot with them. It definitely looks from the outside like they treat directors like shit and that its coming back to them”.

You know who I feel sorriest for in all this?

Poor Vin Diesel. The big guy put his blood, sweat, tears and power shakes into this bitch – and needed this to be a hit like Renee Zellweger needs her old lips back. Yes, “Fast and Furious” – a film he should’ve done five years ago – looks good, but it’s going to be nearly a year before anyone sees it. “Babylon A.D” is his sole major release for the year – and it’s going to do about as much for his career – what’s left of it – as “Catwoman” did for Halle Berry’s.

Speaking of, isn’t it nice to see Warner Bros finally recover from the kitty litter-stinky “Catwoman” with their $500 billion mega-hit “The Dark Knight”? (Hard to believe it’s only been four short that the studio was in dire straits after the shoddy Batman spin-off failed to make even the smallest of dints at the box office).

Suddenly it doesn’t so much matter that “Speed Racer” bit the dust earlier in the year, or that “The Golden Compass” is the ‘movie that nobody dare speak of’ at the office – Batman bought enough dough home to share with anyone, and that includes the transgendering Wachowski’s and the religious nutters behind the dull “Compass” movie It’s hard to keep track of, but I believe “Knight” is hovering around the top of the ‘most successful films of all time’ chart – either first or second, depending on who you ask.

But “Catwoman”, My God! What a shocker that was, hey!? Hard to believe that bit of pussy even existed in the same world as the Batman of “The Dark Knight”. I guess, looking back on the film, she didn’t – she existed in a world where superheroes weren’t so much real as they were ridiculous, and their plights weren’t so much exciting as they were agonizing [to watch]. The problem with “Catwoman” is that it was made by people who didn’t care about it – not like Chris Nolan did “Knight” – nor understand the character. The people involved in the poorly-conceived Batman spin-off probably hadn’t even read a Batman or Catwoman comic, nor did they care to, and rather than spend time working on a terrific script – one that bought Michelle Pfeiffer’s Selina Kyle back! Not Halle Berry as non-descript replacement Catwoman – spent more time overseeing the poster designs.

Village Roadshow were really watching their pockets after the 2004 failure of “Catwoman” – so much so that they started selling off their companies within the company, one of which was the mall advertising group Eye Shop, which they offloaded to Ten Holdings for more than $14.9 million (a nice figure, but still not enough to pay for the pricey dud). Selling Eye Shop would’ve really hurt VR – they’re one of the most effective out-of-home advertising mediums.

Thankfully, the “Lord of the Rings” trilogy saved the distrib – same can’t be said for New Line – and as a consequence they’ve been able to pretty much write-off such flops as “Catwoman”, “House of Wax”, “Speed Racer”, “The Golden Compass” and “The Invasion” as silly boo-boos. “Oops”, says exec 1. “Oh well, not to worry, we’ve still got another 250 billion in the kitty from the The Two Towers re-issue”. And on top of that, they’re now swimming in bucks thanks to “Dark Knight”.

How will FOX cope with the financial failure of “Babylon A.D”? Well, for one, they won’t be greenlighting any more “X-Files” films in the future (not unless Chris Carter decides to make one on 300 grand and shoot it on a handycam), more so, they’ll be taking less risks, steering away from making the ‘different’ and ‘interesting’ in favour of pumping out some ‘sure things’ (Let’s just fuckin’ hope the Fantastic Four don’t return again –please!). You’ll see those “X-Men” spin-off’s – “Wolverine” is in the can, “Magneto” and “X-Men : The First Class” are on the way – sooner rather than later, you’ll probably hear of another “Die Hard” sequel soon, and all those TV-shows-cum-films they’ve been sitting on, like “The A-Team”, will find themselves with a locked release date.

“I don’t know about safe bets, they might just continue the cycle of taking on interesting projects and then getting cold feet and ruining them before they’re finished”, says Vern.

This has been the first year since 1997 that FOX haven’t had a $100 million dollar flick. In three of the last four summers, the studio had three $100-million-plus hits each year.

Their biggest film this year? “What Happens in Vegas” – I shit you not. No studio wants to have an Ashton Kutcher comedy as their highest-grosser of the year… especially not the studio behind the “Star Wars” flicks, “Titanic”, “Die Hard”, “Predator”, “X-Men” and “Wall Street”.

Interestingly, FOX and Warner Bros are entangled in a rather bitter legal battle at the moment (well, their court date is set for January). Fox filed a legal claim that it still holds the rights to the ‘’Watchmen’’ movie, due out next year, and wants to stop the film being released by Warner Bros. Many are wondering why FOX decided to take on Warner now that the film is finished and not beforehand? I think it’s pretty clear – they want a share in the film – a film that’s destined to do big business.

… but that’s a whole other conversation.

The only downfall of a film like “The Dark Knight” doing so damn well this year is this : We’re not going to sell a hell of a lot of films in the near future that aren’t sequels, based on comic books, old TV shows or toys. Check out the production calendar for any studio at the moment and I can almost guarantee that three quarters of their future product are either sequels, prequels, remakes or, and most understandably, comic-book movies.

That doesn’t have to be a bad thing – as long as the studios behind these movies recognize why “The Dark Knight” was so successful.

It wasn’t because it had good effects (it did, but that’s not the reason we all rushed out to see it), or that it featured a timeless popular character – “Batman & Robin” had both and it didn’t work; heck, “Catwoman” too! – it did well because it was a good movie, heck, a great movie!… a film that entertained people of all ages. It broke the mould, smashed it on the pavement and refused to be pigeonholed as just another superhero movie. A film like “Fantastic Four : Rise of the Silver Surfer” doesn’t even deserve to sit on the same category shelf at Blockbuster as “The Dark Knight” – they’re two distinct films separated by the consensus that one’s fabulous and one’s, well, shit.

Less shit, [and more] will hit- remember that.

On a final note, my buddy Doug Ellin, creator of TV uber-hit “Entourage”, reminded me that the show returns to the air this Sunday night (in the states). Please watch! I know you will.

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Moviehole Mailbag

Hi! Just read what you wrote about the original plans for the third Batman movie, with the Joker in a cell, and him giving hints about Two-Faces… What else? Would’ve he took a sniff at Bale’s perfume? A little too Lecter for me… As for the Joker in a third installment, why not bring back Jeff Goldblum with his Fly make-up… I was annoyed by a little remembrance of his performance when I saw the [great] one of Ledger… Anyway, seems to me that the job of giving clues to the batboy should belong to the Riddler… Put Corey Feldman in the green suit!!!! – Patrick

Well, Warner Bros does love Feldman at the moment. They could maybe even add Haim to the mix as, er, The Pusher?

i think is cool as havnt seen it lol want to well doing assiment about i i gress well have fun love the movie – Michaela

Holden, I have a girl for you buddy.

Clint, I share with you certain things in my life:  I have a 3 yr old, am 34 yrs old, work hard, etc etc… But shit, I wouldn’t be able to go through a whole day w/o your site! It rocks and I love your humor and your special “something” you bring to us movie buffs every day.  Man, keep up the good work and I hope you can find ways to relieve some of that stress.  We all need MOviehole, and we need YOU!  Much love from a Korean brother half way across the world!!! Be GOOD Mate!!– Sean

Hey Sean, thanks man! appreciate the comments. And as long as there’s coffee, beer and erotic masseurs in this world I’m not going anywhere!

Actress Nina Dobrev from the series Degrassi is at top of a list to play Princess Allura – Robbie

What List? A shopping list?

Clint, more smart-ass comments please! More cheekiness! Love it! – Sam

No fuck-stick. I don’t take requests.

Clint, Huge fan of the site,love what you’re doing. I keep reading all this about the Superman reboot, how Warner brothers wants to go darker with the film the same way The Dark Knight has. Why? Because the Dark Knight made near on $500 million and Superman Returns made only $200 million. Here’s where someone isn’t thinking. Batman Begins made only $200 million. Superman Returns made only $200 million. This is the comparison that needs to be made. Both were reboots. Give Bryan Singer his opportunity at a “Dark Knight”. The guy knows his job, and knows it damned well. Does anyone really expect a Superman sequel to do $500 million? It won’t. As great as The Dark Knight is, it had a few other things going for it. As crass as it might sound, as shitty as it might sound — you cannot tell me the death of Heath Ledger (and as great as The Dark Knight is, Heath’s performance was just that much better) had nothing to do with piquing people’s interest in the film. bryan Singer stated from the get go that the next Superman film would be more action oriented, more along the lines of Superman II. Give him the chance to do so before Warner Brothers decide Brett Ratner did such a great job on X-Men 3, that he should be the man for the Superman reboot (that last was sarcasm by the way). Thanks, – Mark

Now that Mark Millar is rumoured to be involved in the new “Superman” trilogy I’m all for the dark reboot – – bring on drunk Clark! hooker Lois! Cross-dressing hypochondriac Jimmy!

Your enlarged tool will poke her to climax – Cox

Phew! Thank God.

Any news on that “Poltergeist” script you wrote? – Jessica

Yes, the head of MGM just wiped his ass with it. Stephen Freeling’s first line is now smeared in shit. Bastards!

How big is Moviehole? – J.Leon

Did you see Cruise’s arms in “Tropic Thunder”? Yeah? we’re even bigger. I get free sandwiches from the local cafe now I’m such a celeb, and Richard Grieco drives me around.

Best concert you’ve ever been to, dude? – Alec

Inxs. Does it get any better!?

Hey Clint, Brendan Fraser was here last week, did you interview him? if so, when will it up? – Lisa

Not for a couple of weeks I’m sorry to say. We didn’t interview him for the Mummy – we interviewed him for Journey tot he Center of the Earth and that’s still three weeks away from release here in Australia. Actually, this one’s a video interview – so you’ll be able to see my sexy new haircut in it!

Ha Ha. Funny – Richard J. Grieco

Ha Ha. Yeah I know!

Hey Clint, where are you based? – Brendan

In Mumma’s basement with my action-figures, Star Wars bed-sheets and Planet of the Apples telephone. Why?