Caffeinated Clint
Well, it’s not “Crocodile Dundee in Los Angeles”
Harrison Ford, Karen Allen, Shia LaBeouf, Cate Blanchett, Ray Winstone, John Hurt, Jim Broadbent, Alan Dale, Neil Flynn
The last time I saw an Indiana Jones movie in a theatre I was young enough and shameless enough to dash down the theater stairs thrashing my hands about as if there was an invisible whip clenched in them.
I’m too old and too self-conscious to be mimicking movie characters these days (at least in public).
Question is : Did the latest Indiana Jones film – which comes some 20 years later the release of the last one (1989’s ‘’Indiana Jones and the Last Crusade’’) – give me that same satisfying warm-and-fuzzy feeling I felt just before I decided to yank out my invisible weapon from its invisible holster in 1985? And would I have dashed down the stairs, attempting to emulate the heroic Dr. Jones, if nobody were around?
I doubt it. In fact, I walked out of this film, turned straight to my wife and said, “Did we just watch an Indiana Jones film?”
After a decade of rumours, several brainstorming sessions, and the annoying much-repeated “we will all do it if the story comes together” line to journalists, the original dream team finally get the fedora out of storage for the heavily-anticipated ‘’Indiana Jones and the Kingdom of the Crystal Skull’’.
And right-off-the-top, it’s good. Not great, but good. Considering how low some of our expectations were, what with how George Lucas royally screwed us over on those “Star Wars” films, that ain’t such a bad thing. It still passes muster. And there’s no Jar Jar Binks. For the most part, they’ve delivered. But I tell ya, there’s still a mess here that dreadfully needed cleaning up.
Thanks to some sleepish performances, ridiculous plotting and clunky dialogue, “Crystal Skull” plays more like an entertaining featurette preceding an amusement-park ride (think “T2 : The Ride” at Universal Studios).
I guess you’d say its main problem is that it just feels a little off… or watered-down… almost a Disney-version of an “Indiana Jones” film. It suffers from some of the same problems the last ‘’Die Hard’’ movie – ‘’Die Hard 4.0’’ – did : it’s tale isn’t that tight, it’s unsure of itself, the action sequences don’t have much pop, and most of all, it’s forgotten that it’s actually a follow-up to another movie – a great movie, a legendary movie (in addition, and like Bruce Willis’s performance as John McClane in that film, some in “Indiana Jones” have forgotten how to play their character – largely, Harrison Ford as Indy, whose more ‘Grumpy Old Man with Whip’ than ‘Cheeky Hunk Adventurer’, and Karen Allen, whose Marion Ravenwood has been watered down and de-feisty’ed).
The first half of the film comes close to classic ‘Indy’ – good storyline, great performances from most of its cast (Cate Blanchett, Ray Winstone and Shia LaBeouf try very hard), some fun action sequences, and iconic nods – but by the time the gang have reached the titular ‘Kingdom’, you’ll have forgotten you’re watching a “Jones” adventure and not some unimportant mildly-fun “National Treasure”-style flick. Someone suggested George Lucas may have even directed that second half, because it resembles little of the first act –and all of a sudden, practical effects take a back seat to ludicrous CGI (something Spielberg and Lucas said there would be very little of in the movie) and loopy plotting. Hard to say whose fault it is that not all of it works as a whole – Spielberg’s, Lucas’s, or writer David Koepp’s?
Considering how many scripts Lucas and Spielberg apparently looked at for this one – I’d be keen to read Frank Darabont’s, which some say is good, even though the beards immediately rejected it – I’m a little surprised they went with this one from Koepp (“War of the Worlds”, “Zathura”) – it’s not especially creative. All the “Indy” films have their flat spots, and most have some sort of supernatural element, but most of what happens in “Crystal Skull” feels so tacky and forced that it’s hard to swallow. The ending, especially, is tacky – it shouldn’t be in the film.
Having said that, as messy as it some of it is, this is still a fun movie – but geez, there are some terrible moments in this; you’ll spot them when you see them – and yes, for the most part, it looks, sounds and plays like an “Indiana Jones” movie (in contrast, “Die Hard 4.0” barely resembled John McTiernan’s original film).. of sorts. Harrison Ford is good enough – he seems a bit disinterested at times; lost his spark a tad – as The Man in the Hat, but the real pleasure is just watching him get about with that Fedora and Whip again. You can’t help but smile when you first see that famous crooked smile and silhouette.
In addition, the action sequences are well choreographed, the John Williams score packs a punch, and there’s some insanely funny and memorable scenes that push the film back up again when it’s down (such as a scene where Indy comes face-to-face with his slimy and scaly worst fear, again).
Some of it works, Some of it doesn’t. Some times you forget you’re watching an “Indiana Jones” movie, Sometimes they remind you (by throwing in an iconic reference). If only it didn’t feel so under-whelming. Still, it could have been “Die Hard 4.0” or “Crocodile Dundee in Los Angeles” – two movies sequels that totally forgot the films they were following – and it’s not.
So yes, this is a positive review – “Crystal Skull” is a worthy-enough addition to the “Indiana Jones” series, and I will watch it again. Could it have been better? Yes, significantly, but there’s still a lot here to be happy about (Again, did I mention Jar Jar Binks isn’t in it?).
I’m in two minds about whether or not I might have just preferred Indiana Jones remain a thing of the past, an icon of our youth (and being spared the ‘old’ version of that once sprightly smart-ass hero), an old friend you revisit on DVD once in a while, for as good as it is to see him again, he’s undoubtedly not as fun to be around as he was twenty years ago…. But who is, hey? (Looking at you Spielberg!).
