The Cynical Optimist 08/04/08

Remember when…

Remember when guys like Jim Carrey and Adam Sandler were absolutely hilarious? Perhaps it was my juvenile mind at the time, but it just didn’t get any better than films like “Happy Gilmore” and “Ace Ventura: Pet Detective.”

Well, times change and comedians get this grand idea that they’re no longer stand-ups or sketch artists – they’re actors, genuine and talented beyond imagination. They do serious roles, and once they dip back into comedy things just aren’t the same.

After seeing the trailer for “You Don’t Mess with the Zohan,” the latest Adam Sandler comedy vehicle, I immediately winced in pain as I remembered how funny Sander used to be. What happened? Were “Punch Drunk Love,” “Spanglish” and “Reign Over Me” too much for him? Did his funny bone snap under the pressure, forcing him to mature as an actor?

If that was the case, we would be glad to have one more talented actor around, but truth is Sander hasn’t matured. As we’ve seen through various films from his Happy Madison production company, he’s up to the same old tricks – watered down, over-exposed versions of his old tricks, rather.

Jim Carrey needs to go back to talking out of his ass – literally. The Ace Ventura films were by far some of Carrey’s funniest work, aside from “Dumb and Dumber,” which is of course the funniest he will ever be.

Both of these guys have slided down the hill of hilarity into the stagnant cesspool of washed-up. Guess who’s going to join them if he doesn’t change his ways? Will Ferrell. After seeing the box office returns for “Semi-Pro,” it’s pretty obvious that the world is getting slightly tired of Ferrell’s routine.

I think people are also already getting tired of “From the guy who brought you ‘Superbad’ and ‘Knocked Up.’” I mean, I thought “Walk Hard” was one of the biggest pieces of shit I’ve seen in a theater. That kind of marketing didn’t do too well for “Drillbit Taylor” either. I’d say “Forgetting Sarah Marshall” and “The Pineapple Express” will both be enough to satisfy people’s Judd Apatow hunger for a while.

What a waste of a Mayan horror flick…

“The Ruins” Review
Oh! The Horror
By Adam Frazier
For BigLickU.com

Based off the Scott B. Smith novel by the same name, “The Ruins” is a mysterious horror film by newcomer director Carter Smith. For those of you who might not be connoisseurs of the macabre, the current state of horror films is a sad affair, and “The Ruins” only adds to the pile of disheartening, cookie-cutter films that has come out in the past decade.

Jeff (Jonathan Tucker) and Amy (Jena Malone) are a couple of attractive college kids on an exquisite Mexican vacation with friends Eric (Shawn Ashmore) and Stacy (Laura Ramsey). In between sessions of lounging by the pool at their Cancun resort, these bright up-and-comers fulfill their stereotypical existence as college students by binge drinking and participating in premarital sex.

One day, whilst pool lounging, the group meets Mathias (Joe Anderson), a fellow partier from Munich, who is at the resort with friends. After a margarita, Mathias tells the group his brother just so happens to be on an archaeological dig at a Mayan ruin.

Here comes the hook. You know, the hook that always seems to ensnare these dumb 20-somethings into thinking a really bad idea might just turn out to be a good idea? Yeah, that’s about to happen.

As Mathias unravels his cryptic story, we learn this ancient ruin isn’t just any ancient ruin – it’s off the beaten path. Yes ladies and gentlemen, hold your gasps, because this dig site is completely untouched and missing from all the tourist travel guides. Upon hearing this exciting news, Jeff and his friends saddle up and head out to the ruin with Mathias and his friend Dimitri.

After miles of hiking, our tourists arrive at their destination. The ruin, which seems to be an ancient Mayan temple, is a towering, intimidating structure in the middle of nowhere. Before they can even break out the sunscreen, a group of villagers surround them.

Uh-oh. This isn’t good. I can’t believe going to a secret, mysterious ruin would yield such a surprising result. These villagers aren’t too happy about strangers trespassing on the sacred ground of the temple, and immediately show their disappointment in the form of guns and arrows.

The group is essentially herded by the villagers and forced to scale the steps of the temple. From here, our group of wild and crazy college kids is quarantined atop an ancient ruin, which holds a deadly secret.

What will become of them? What lies in the dark crypts of the ruins? Who will survive and what will be left of them? WHO CARES?

The biggest problem with “The Ruins” is the same problem that plagues 98% of all horror films these days, absolutely no characterization whatsoever. Why should we care about the fates of these dumb, promiscuous kids when no care is taken in how they are presented to us?

Jeff, the leader in this film, is the only character in the whole flick who gets a hint of back story –his plans to attend medical school are only there to satisfy the instances in the film where he performs improvised surgeries and deals out helpful advice.

Why should I care if some shrieking girl, fit for a Girls Gone Wild DVD, is going to die? I’m sure I’ll see the exact same character in the next poorly scripted, badly acted horror film.

“The Ruins” is a predictable, derivative, underwhelming mess of a movie. The real disappointment is the direction in which the story goes. These villagers, who act as sacred keepers of the ruins, intrigued me. I wanted to know more about them, and most of all I wanted to know how much they knew about the temple.

Too bad they were nothing more than out-of-bounds markers so the characters couldn’t flee the ruins so easily. Then there’s the temple itself. It’s ancient and mysterious and full of wonder. I want to know what’s in there! I want to know what kind of secret might lay in its bowels.

But no, we as the audience must sit through 91 minutes of crying and panicking as the babysitter’s club sits on top of the ruin with no idea of what they’re doing, and as it would seem the filmmakers didn’t have a clue either.

Surprisingly, the practical and special effects were actually pretty competent. Those looking for a decent dose of gore would leave satisfied after their visit to “The Ruins.” For everyone else, though, there’s nothing to see here.

The real horror of “The Ruins” is that this kind of mindless, empty and predictable rubbish is still passable as entertaining horror to today’s audiences.

1.5 Stars

I’m running out of breath…

“Run Fatboy Run”
The romantic comedy gets in shape
By Adam Frazier
For BigLickU.com

Dennis Doyle made a mistake. Okay, so Dennis screwed up big time. As sweat dripped down his flush-red face, Dennis panicked and made the worst decision of his life. He left his love, Libby, standing at the altar on their wedding day.

So maybe pulling a “Runaway Bride” is one thing, but when that bride-to-be is carrying your son, then you’ve really screwed up. With the weight of the world on his shoulders, Dennis flew from a window, down the street, fleeing Libby and his unborn son.

It’s five years later, and Dennis (Simon Pegg) is working as a security administrator at an upscale retail outlet. Well, that’s what he likes to call it. I call it a security guard at a women’s underwear store. Dennis Doyle’s life seems pretty mundane, with only a transvestite shoplifter here and there to keep him on his toes.

Since those days of running at break-neck speed from his fiancé, Dennis has slowed down considerably. Now overweight, out of shape and on the brink of becoming a chain smoker, Dennis has reached a wall in his life. Luckily he has found his way back into the lovely Libby’s (Thandie Newton) life, but only for the benefit of their son, Jake.

As Dennis and Jake continue their budding relationship of father and son, Dennis is soon introduced to the stereotypical dominant male who has taken his place at Libby’s side. Hank Azaria (“The Simpsons”) plays Whit, an American businessman living in London who has become quite attached to Libby and Jake.

The guy is perfect: good-looking, wealthy, in shape, everything that our Dennis isn’t. Through a long series of events he pronounces that he will finally finish something in his life. Dennis plans to enter the Nike River Run, a 26-mile run through London, which Whit is also running in.

Thus, the title of the film “Run Fatboy Fun.” There’s a problem though, I wouldn’t actually call Simon Pegg fat. I’d say he’s just like any other average male, but maybe that’s just me. From this point, as you might imagine, Dennis begins a grueling training regiment in hopes of somehow winning his love back from finishing the race.

“Run Fatboy Run” is David Schwimmer’s directorial debut on film. While he’s done several episodes of “Friends” and “Joey,” Schwimmer’s premiere on celluloid isn’t anything mind-blowing or worthy of praise. If anything, it’s competent and just good enough to get by. In every situation you know where the camera is going to go, what will be framed and what will happen next. This is the film’s true fault, the sheer predictability that comes from Schwimmer’s direction and the screenplay, which was co-written by Simon Pegg and Michael Ian Black.

Speaking of the screenplay, while well written and filled with subtle humor, truly hilarious moments are few and far between. Michael Ian Black is one of the funniest people I know. His antics as part of The State, a comedy troupe, are almost legendary to fans. You’ve probably seen him on Sierra Mist commercials or making witty comments on VH1’s “I Love The ‘80s.” It’s too bad his humor didn’t come out in full-force here.

It’s also unfortunate that Simon Pegg’s cinematic sidekick, Nick Frost, is nowhere to be found in this film. While Hank Azaria does a decent job at picking up the comedic slack, the film could have sincerely used a pinch of Frost and Pegg’s chemistry.

Pegg plays the character he always plays, a terminal loser who achieves glory and becomes a hero. Though not as funny and off-the-wall as “Shaun of the Dead” and “Hot Fuzz,” this film is entertaining and heartwarming. “Run Fatboy Run” doesn’t really offer anything new to the romantic comedy genre, but it’s good enough to deliver some funny gags and witty dialogue through its 100-minute running time.

Overall, you should see this film. So it isn’t the best film of all-time, big deal. It’s a fun date movie and if you love “Shaun of the Dead” and “Hot Fuzz” as much as me, it’s a complete no-brainer.

3 Stars

The April “Must” list:

Now I realize the fanbase here at Moviehole.net is heavy with Aussies, but being as I’m from the US, I’ve got to throw out US release dates. So, I’m sorry if my picks for this month don’t jive with you guys, but a simple visit to Amazon can alert you to your area’s proper release dates.

“There Will Be Blood” on DVD April 8th
“Smart People” hits theaters April 11th
“Juno” on DVD April 15th
“Forgetting Sarah Marshall” hits theaters on April 18th
“Cloverfield” and “The Orphanage” on DVD April 22nd
LOST returns from its hiatus on April 24th
“Harold and Kumar Escape from Guantanamo Bay” hits theaters April 25th
Mario Kart races to the Wii on April 27th
Grand Theft Auto 4 hits PS3 and XBOX 360 on April 29