The Painted Veil

I imagine the first word’s out of the screenwriter hired to re-write Ron Nyswaner‘s “The Painted Veil” being “Uh, there’s not a lot here to go on”.

Edward Norton, Naomi Watts, Live Schrieber, Toby Jones

I imagine the first word’s out of the screenwriter hired to re-write Ron Nyswaner‘s “The Painted Veil” being “Uh, there’s not a lot here to go on”.

How could they not be? This beautifully looking but gutless romantic epic-wannabe makes fellow look-good-plays-bad movies “House of the Spirits” and “Becoming Jane” perfect for the daily specials on a premium-restaurant’s chalkboard. This serve of mediocrity from [the usually dependable] Edward Norton and Naomi Watts is a dish not best served half-cold, as its multiplex ‘disappearing act’ has so clearly demonstrated.

Granted, this is a film that’s becoming more well known as ‘the movie that real-life lovebirds Watts and Liev Schrieber met on’ than anything else. And admittedly, when has a film that played matchmaker to the stars ever been good? (Remember that sizzling snorefest “The Marrying Man”? How about the film that got Martin Brest kicked out of Glendale, “Gigli”? “The Experts” with Kelly Preston and John Travolta? and it goes without saying that the Cruise-Kidman tryst on the set of “Days of Thunder” deterred attention from the forgettable film even further.)

The third film version of Somerset Maughm’s 1925 novel–directed by John Curran—features Watts as Kitty Fane, the aging English socialite who must put herself in out of the ordinary and tumultuous surroundings before she finds her true self.

Fane’s a graceful little thing who thinks she’s in love with a kindly local (Schrieber) but a chance to spend time with her devoted husband (Norton) in an underprivileged village, gives her something to think about. Yep, as predictable as a wife walking past a shoe store.

There’s a good film in “The Painted Veil” somewhere. I mean, the locations are absolutely exquisite and for what it’s worth, all the actors – especially Watts; looking as sultry as ever – perform as if it’s for a decade’s worth of free groceries. The problem lies in the script… there’s too little in here to captivate an audience, and what there is, just isn’t believable enough. Most movies take about half-an-hour at least before the guts of the story kicks in, it was 8 mins by the time this was in full swing… and even the set-up didn’t grab. This needed to embody more power than The A-Team’s truck… but sadly it’s been equipped with two-stroke.

Wait for cable.

Rating :
Reviewer : Clint Morris