Caffeinated Clint
Music-video director Dave Meyers gives the film a nice slick and polished look, and makes the most out of the script’s thinly-written scares, but as a result he’s forgot to add that great layer of psychological tension which graced the original film.
Sean Bean, Sophia Bush, Zachary Knighton, Neal McDonough
Sometime just before the mid 90s – around about the time Universal and Gus Van Sant decided the classic chiller “Psycho” needed to be remade; which reviews and public opinion soon decided was an erroneous judgment – Hollywood took a wrong turn off the interstate of originality and onto the worn roads of repeativille.
When they turned up in horror-remake land, they were convinced they’d arrived in a land of opportunity and potential – an easy breezy place where the populace did more than just milk cows…they milked classic films. But like the crazy island inhabitants of “The Wicker Man”, The Hollywoodians’ new stop would come at a price : anyone outside town limits would view them as a dinted marginal – merely interested in their own party, and nobody beyond it.
Like the Bird flu, the trend of remaking old horror movies spread faster than butter on bread once Van Sant redid “Psycho” and Joel Silver reworked “House on Haunted Hill” (1999). Over the past couple of years, Tinseltown has been on an even bigger roll – they’ve remade everything from “The Ring”, “Dark Water”, “The Hills Have Eyes” to “The Omen”, “Pulse” and “The Fog”. At the time of writing, stringent fans of John Carpenter’s classic “Halloween” are on a street corner picketing the new Rob Zombie-directed remake, due in theatres this October. In other words, we, the cinema-going public, are only getting madder.
Throughout the ‘90s, Michael Bay was nicknamed ‘the king of the popcorn action movie’, thanks to his mega-budgeted ultra-cheesy efforts like “The Rock” and “Armageddon”. These days, he’s better known as ‘that guy that bankrolls all the slipshod horror remakes’ – films like “The Texas Chainsaw Massacre” (2003) and “The Amityville Horror” (2005). Bay’s now taking a page out of Wes Craven’s book and whacking his name on things – sorry, things that’ll probably make money – without contributing much to the project at all. Well, besides a name… and maybe bringing some extra bucks to the production.
Bay’s latest producing effort is “The Hitcher”, a remake of the cult video hit starring Rutger Hauer and C.Thomas Howell, a film best known for ‘that scene, with that girl, and that car’…oh, and one helluva terrifying villain, played by Hauer. The redo, like Bay’s previous horror rehaunts, again makes the original look like well, the 1988 favourite Oscar Contender, “Titanic” – unbeatable.
Same story – well, except the fact that the young hero is now a young heroine – as the previous film, except, it ain’t half as scary; the performances aren’t half as good (Sean Bean’s not bad, but he’s not Rutger) and the thing’s structured as bad as that wonky bridge at the start of “Beetlejuice”.
Penned by Jake Wade Wall (who also penned the remake of “When A Stranger Calls”), this “Hitcher” tells of a college couple Grace Andrews (Sophia Bush) and Jim Halsey (Zachary Knighton) who hit the road in a 1970 Oldsmobile 442… and end up offering the mysterious John Ryder (Sean Bean) a ride. When he finally leaves their car, they’re convinced they’re free of the whack-job, but little do they know he’ll be stalking them for the next couple of reels of film.
Music-video director Dave Meyers gives the film a nice slick and polished look, and makes the most out of the script’s thinly-written scares, but as a result he’s forgot to add that great layer of psychological tension which graced the original film. There’s blood and gore, but then there’s blood, gore and suspense…. You tell me which one you’d rather have served with your popcorn and large coke?
Nothing very exciting in terms of extras on here – just EPK-style featurettes, alternate ending, a few deleted scenes… nothing worth setting aside time to sit down and watch.
Rating : 
Reviewer : Clint Morris
