Caffeinated Clint
with Clint Morris
Call it too much russet, call it incapacity to find anything interesting about this week, or simply blame it on your friendly webmasters warped imagination. This week – we’re heading into the future! September 16th, 2015. Great Scott, Marty!
15 Things We Learnt This week : September 16th, 2015
1 : That tickets are quickly selling out for ‘The Rolling Stones’ concert. Mick’s said this is the ‘final concert’, but we don’t believe him. Their I.V drips must be taking a beating. Meantime, Keith Richards responds to Disney’s request that he do a small role in the “Pirates of the Caribbean” sequel – he agrees. Pity the film wrapped ten years ago.
2 : That Terry Gilliam’s “The Man who Killed Don Quixote” has wrapped. Unfortunately, the negatives were burnt and the film will never be released.
3 : That President Schwarzenegger is planning to run again next year, Vice President Gary Coleman tells E! News. Meantime, Schwarzenegger’s “T2” co-star Edward Furlong joins the cast of TV’s “The Surreal Life” next season, with Kyle MacLachlan, Vince Vaughn, Sarah Michelle Gellar and ‘Teen Wolf Too, Too’ star Clint Morris.
4 : That the Scott Foley foundation has donated a sumly amount to the victims of the Melbourne Asteroid-Crash fund. Spokesperson for the organization, Mr Adam Weeks, says it’s the least ‘Mr Foley could do, after all the support audiences have given him on Alias these past five years’.
5 : That Renee Zellweger’s still under lock-and-key – if only because she actually swallowed the key.
6 : That Johnny Knoxville’s been drunk for the past ten years. According to the actor, it was the only way he could stand to sit through his own movies.
7 : That James Marsters is still keen to do a “Spike” telemovie. Apparently things are slowing heating up too, with creator Joss Whedon seen having lunch with the fifty-year old actor.
8 : That Michael Jackson has agreed to release the remains of ‘The Elephant Man’ to David Lynch, whose planning a sequel to his 80’s hit, this time with Tommy Lee in the lead.
9 : That Katie Cruise’s on-again off-again relationship with legendary actor Paul Newman is back on. Meanwhile, Australian Censors are threatening to ban the duo’s latest on-screen effort, “Eyes Wide Shut”, a remake of an old Stanley Kubrick film (ironically, it starred Katie’s ex-husband, Tom Cruise, best known as the spokesperson for super-spring couches).
10 : That test audiences are reacting rather negatively to the upcoming “Batman : Milked to Death”. Meantime, star has confirmed he’ll never do another “Batman” movie again – because the nebulous legwarmers director Uwe Boll has him wear in the film has resulted in hives.
11 : That VH1’s “My mother was an oversexed hack without an ounce of talent”, hosted by Preston Michael Spears Federline, generated the highest ratings of the week. Ms Federline, currently waitressing at Hooters, will get her own back when she appears on ‘Late Night with Apple Paltrow’ this month.
12 : That production has begun on the highly-anticipated “Hogan Knows best”, based on the classic TV show of the same name starring Academy Award Winner Terry Hogan in his most famous role. Analysts predict it’ll topple last year’s “Moonlighting: The Movie” starring Bruce Willis.
13 : That Season fifteen of “Rock Star : INXS” begins next Tuesday, in which singer J.D Fortune continues to search for the remaining members of his band.
14 : That Sylvester Stallone is in talks with a studio to make “Rocky 6”. Sure to be worth the wait. His brother Frank is still hungry.
15 : That rumours persist that Daniel Craig may still be in the mix for the next 007 movie, “Casino Royale”. Meantime, former 007 Sean Connery comes out of retirement to star in a remake of “Never Say Never Again” – Again.
