2012

By Clint Morris

Roland Emmerich’s ‘’2012’’ is like an amusement park ride – you’ve likely gone for a spin on it before and so pretty much know what to expect – predicting the jumps and jolts along the way. But, you still have a great time nonetheless. And (Sony’s hoping anyway) might even rush to ride it again. Difference between the film and a rollercoaster ride at Dreamworld though? You won’t need a box of trimethobenzamide afterwards.

It’s true though, Emmerich’s end-of-the-world-as-we-know-it disaster movies – he also did the impressive blockbusters “Independence Day” and “The Day After Tomorrow” – all follow a fairly similar pattern : The first hour simmers along, giving us a nice introduction to a fairly wide-spread demographic of characters. In the second hour things heat up, as our characters learn that the end of the world is near – usually as they’re caught in traffic on a freeway that’s about to collapse, or as is the case in this movie, in a supermarket as the surface of the floor cracks – and make rapid plans to escape. And in the last section of the film, our heroes (usually white-collar, family types with a lot to lose – in other words, don’t look for a poor schmuck, or a HIV-infected erotic dancer to be playing savoir here) band together – it’s amazing how even those who’ve been fighting for years before minaciously come together when their city is on fire! – as they attempt to escape a world that’s literally crumbling around them. Naturally, not all of them will make it – but you can usually guess who will, and who won’t, within the first five minutes of the movie.

And like “ID4” and “The Day After Tomorrow”, “2012” also features an everyday likeable family man who, against the odds, manages to help not only his own, but others, out of harm’s way. In this case, that guy is struggling novelist and limo-driver Jackson Curtis, played by – everyone’s favourite normal, nice guy – John Cusack.

Centuries ago, the Mayans left us their calendar, with a clear end date and all that it implies. Since then, astrologists have discovered it, numerologists have found patterns that predict it, geologists say the earth is overdue for it, and even government scientists cannot deny the cataclysm of epic proportions that awaits the earth in 2012.

Divorcee Curtis learns – via two men, the slightly screw-loose hippie radio-personality Charley Rose (Woody Harrelson) whose reporting live from the “hot spot”, and a good-hearted geologist (Chiwetel Ejiofor), whose been recruited by the Government to be the go-to man on the looming disaster – that the above statement is spot-on when holidaying with his two young children in Yellowstone National Park.

At the same time, Jackson’s estranged wife (Amanda Peet) and her new partner (Tom McCarthy) are near killed when the supermarket their shopping at splits down the middle. Understandably shaken-up, She immediately asks Jackson to bring her children home to her home. And he does… but moments after dropping them on the doorstep, the streets of Los Angeles start to crumble, burn and back-flip! All aboard the limo to hell!

If you’ve seen any of Emmerich’s previous movies (and who hasn’t!?) you know exactly what you’re in store for here – a couple of hours of amazing special and visual effects (thanks to some big bucks and computer geniuses, you’ll be in awe as buildings blow up, tidal waves crush towns, Air Force One takes a swim, Lakes freeze, highways collapse, Yellowstone park turns into one big giant Volcano, and The White House gets – another Emmerich staple – a little bruised and battered), wonky dialogue delivered by a very impressive all-star ensemble cast (this one also features the likes of Danny Glover as the President, Thandie Newton as the first daughter, and George Segal as an ageing jazz crooner) who’re obviously in this for the money not the merit, and last but not least, some patriotic bs to tie things up nicely towards the end.

And as much as some might say films like this does nothing for cinema, and nor are they art, even those sceptics will find “2012” hard to resist – and I dare say, they’ll have a great time with it. Leave your brain and beefs (yes, I know, I know – – why is all about trying to save the rich people all the time?!) at the door and just enjoy it.

As one character says – rather bluntly – in the movie, “Sit Down and Buckle Up!” (He probably should also have added “…. Oh, and don’t forgot to switch off!”).

Extras

Featurettes and one of those ‘trying to be funny but simply comes off anal’ audio commentaries by the film’s director.