Caffeinated Clint
By Clint Morris
Self-confessed horror master Alexandre Aja (“The Hills Have Eyes”, “Haute Tension”) has Jack Bauer dodging his own reflection (and I don’t blame the guy, If I was a talented actor, I couldn’t look at myself in the mirror after doing this rubbish either) in this year’s laziest horror film, “Mirrors”.
Sutherland plays Ben Carson, a disgraced cop who takes a job as a night watchman in a department store that was cleaned out in a fire five years before. His only company? A bunch of old mannequins and some even older mirrors – mirrors that show outlandish and cruel images, leaving Carson to question what’s real and what’s not.
Kiefer Sutherland. Great actor. Real screen presence. Donald’s boy has done some remarkable work over the years (He was the bomb in “The Lost Boys”, he was the most likable of the “Young Guns” bunch, the guy you rooted for in “Flatliners” and at his versatile best in “A Time to Kill” ) hasn’t he? But of course, remarkable work doesn’t always equate to a good movie – and that’s the sole reason Sutherland decided to do TV. And tell me “24” isn’t a lot better than “Chicago Joe and the Showgirl”?
Should Sutherland have waited a few more years before returning to the big screen – especially after winning audiences and Hollywood back with his bravura turn as small-screen hero Jack Bauer? That’s hard to say. The man does need to eat – and he’s not getting any younger. One thing’s for sure, he probably should’ve taken meetings with a few other studios besides FOX (but probably felt loyal to them since they’re responsible for his TV success), because they’ve got him back doing the kind of slop that forced him to the box initially. If Tom Cruise had done “The Sentinel” he’d be wrapping up tacos in shiny cellophane by now.
And though “The Sentinel” didn’t damage Sutherland’s film career too much – Michael Douglas had the lead, he probably copped most of it – his latest flick just might.
“Mirrors” is a film Sutherland should never have touched – let alone read. The man is way too good for this. You need someone to play a security guard whose face turns to mush when he looks in a mirror? Don’t go to Kiefer Sutherland! Go to, say, Oliver Steve Guttenberg or Cuba Gooding Jr – Someone that doesn’t mind doing direct-to-DVD stuff… because that’s where this one belongs. Sutherland was obviously pushed into it – again, probably felt obliged to do it since FOX are semi-responsible for his comeback – because any intelligent veteran of the multiplex would smell the stench from this one the moment you took the stapled A4 file out of the plastic sleeve.
Sutherland made some not-too-good movies in the 80s and 90s – films like “Flashback”, “The Cowboy Way” and “Woman Wanted” – but compared to “Mirrors”, they were at least watchable….. they gave him something to do! This, honestly, has Sutherland running around a dark building trying to hide from Mirrors. It’s the kind of film the writers of ‘’South Park” or ‘’The Simpson’s” would dream up as a joke they could throw into an episode.
And though Sutherland is obviously trying hard here, the film’s impenetrable and ridiculous plot overshadows everything. Mostly, the plot is boring… dull… enough to have you racing for the exit sign. There’s a bit more fun to be had in the last 20 mins or so of the film, but by the stage you’ll have sunk into your seat and started to email people from your Blackberry (letting them know about the piece of crap you’re watching at the theater).
To be fair, “Mirrors” is based on an earlier, apparently better movie – a Korean horror movie called ‘’Into the Mirror”. I haven’t seen it. But I’d believe it. The Asians know how to do their spookfests a lot better than us – well, at least the ones that are remakes of theirs.
This mirror is broken – and as we all know, broken mirrors only lead to bad shit.
Extras
Not a bad lot of extras – an alternate ending, commentary from Aja, and a few deleted scenes.
