The Cynical Optimist 16/05/08

Alright, here’s the deal. I’m pissed off and hyped up on sugar and lack of sleep. In this edition of “The Cynical Optimist” I’ll be talking about “Terminator 4” and the problem with Hollywood / the average consumer.

No Salvation for “Terminator 4”

Sometimes I truly wonder how fucking dumb you have to be to work in Hollywood. Don’t get me wrong – I have an immense amount of respect for those in the business who are genuine in their creativity and passion for filmmaking, but there are simply some who in the industry who are motivated by pure greed.

Hollywood executives are now, more than ever arguably, looking to bank in on a sure thing by exploiting previous franchises. Instead of taking the time to nurture an original product, these producers and pitchers are out to capitalize on nostalgia and proven box-office sellers.

Why do these numbskulls think they can successfully “breath new life” into time-tested franchises without even CONSIDERING the key elements that made them memorable in the first place?

I mean honestly, what is an “Alien” film without Sigourney Weaver, the actress responsible for breathing life and humanity into Ellen Ripley, the protagonist of the franchise. Without her and a cast of assorted well-developed characters, the aliens wouldn’t have been so frightening. The objective in making a horror movie like “Alien” is putting characters in danger, and caring enough about those characters to feel the fear of their death.

Of course, my theory of keeping key elements intact goes to pieces with any mention of “Alien: Resurrection,” the horrible fourth film in the “Alien” franchise. After Ripley sacrificed herself to exterminate the alien species in “Alien 3,” someone got the bright idea to clone her and retrieve the parasitic organism inside her.

Do you have any idea how little sense that logic makes? It’s like I eat a cheeseburger and get hit by a car and die – meanwhile someone finds a sample of blood I gave in the hospital and clones me… with a fucking cheeseburger already in my stomach. BULLSHIT.

Okay, sorry, mini rant inside of an already off-topic rant. The whole point of this example, using the “Alien” franchise, is to lead into the disturbing news of a fourth “Terminator” film.

Okay, so what made the first “Terminator” film so great? Well, one thing is the strong writing and direction of James Cameron, who so masterfully brought his vision to the screen. Secondly would be the cast. Linda Hamilton as Sarah Connor, the main character who has been targeted for termination, is legendary.

And don’t forget the awesome Michael Biehn as Kyle Reese, a soldier from the future sent back in time to protect Connor.

Then there’s Arnold Schwarzenegger as the titular character – a robot assassin from the future who will stop at nothing to eliminate his target. Brilliant characters who actually served the story with more than just action scenes.

“Terminator 2: Judgment Day” was even better, with the addition of Edward Furlong as young John Connor and Robert Patrick as T-1000, the new antagonist against now good-guy Schwarzenegger.

“Terminator 3: Rise of the Machines,” however, is where the downfall began. The iconic character of Sarah Connor dies off-screen… wonderful, a great start to a completely pointless story that was driven solely by action sequences and poor acting.

Then you’ve got Nick Stahl, a sad replacement for Edward Furlong, who really gave John Connor a soul. Furlong’s chemistry with the terminator character is unmatched as far as I’m concerned. And now, for good measure, lets throw in Claire Danes in a useless love interest role and Kristanna Loken as T-X, a new and improved terminator who lacks any of the intimidation that made Schwarzenegger’s terminator and Patrick’s T-1000 so menacing.

Needless to say, the movie is complete shit. One with a brain would come to the realization that the “Terminator” franchise was dead – but not in the minds of those wonderful Hollywood executives. No, we are supposed to get excited about a fourth installment in the franchise – directed by McG nonetheless!

Oh yes, I’m fucking thrilled to see a “Terminator” film without Hamilton, Furlong and Schwarzenegger. I’m thrilled to see James Cameron’s skilled direction and visual style replaced with McG, the guy responsible for those “Charlie’s Angels” films…

Then there’s the writing team of John Brancato and Michael Ferris, the guys responsible for such hits as “Primeval” and “Catwoman.” My expectations are already brutally low, considering the above rants, but this is just ridiculous. These guys wrote “Terminator 3: Rise of the Machines,” and we all saw how that came out… how could they be trusted with another one?

And don’t get me wrong, Christian Bale and James Brolin are amazing actors, but really – why are they in this film? The plot synopsis reads something like this: After the bulk of humanity has been wasted by Skynet in a nuclear holocaust, a group of survivors led by John Connor (Bale) struggles to keep the machines from finishing the job.

You know what? We’ve heard about this story for three movies… and to be frank, it’s not even important. The first film was fueled on the importance of the future, and how we should care for Linda and her unborn son John. The second film was about protecting John and securing a bond between him and the terminator. The third film, well… wasn’t about anything as I recall. All it did was show the beginning of the nuclear holocaust, except all we saw was some bad acting inside an underground bunker.

So this fourth film is going to be nothing but exoskeletons battling Connor’s band of survivors in the post-apocalyptic future. Great – sounds wonderful. Where’s the fucking story? We know John Connor is a great military hero and leader who rallied the surviving humans to war against the machines… WHY DO WE NEED TO SEE IT?

This is bullshit, and merely an attempt to make more money off the “Terminator” name. Furthermore, this shit is going to be rated PG-13 and I’m not saying a movie has to be rated R to be good, but seriously – Can you imagine the first two “Terminator” films being PG-13?

I don’t care if standards have changed – you can’t get down to that level of violence and get away with a PG-13. If you’re going to make a toned-down “Terminator” movie, you might as well change the name – because the only thing that’s going to get brutally killed is the quality of the film.

The other side of the coin…

I realize I’ve come down pretty hard on Hollywood, so while they wipe the tears away with $100 dollar bills I’ll turn my attention toward the average consumer.

Now before I this rant of epic, Clint-worthy, proportions, let me say that I realize I’m probably preaching to the choir here. The fine folks of Moviehole go out of their way to read my column and participate in message board discussions. Cinephiles are out there reading sites like Moviehole, AICN, FirstShowing and SlashFilm are well informed – so forgive me for generalizing.

What the HELL is wrong with the average consumer? Why do these people insist on remaining ignorant and uninformed about the things they choose to spend time and money on. Our society’s appreciation of art has depreciated to a point of pity and shame. The masses are exposed to constant advertising for remakes of remakes and unnecessary sequels that lack soul, story and any ounce of originality. The pursuit of meaningful art has been kicked to the curb in an effort to raise profits and further brainwash our culture’s already dumbed-down concept of what is acceptable as entertainment.

People should not SETTLE for what is dangled in front of them and advertised as worthy of attention. The people who are doing the dangling are only after your money, and they couldn’t care less about what they’re selling you.

PLEASE, get informed about the things you’re consuming. Form an honest opinion for yourself and do not rely on marketing to sell you on the intellectual worth of something.

As a critic, it is not my goal to be completely pretentious and tell you I have exquisite taste. I do not set out to make someone feel inferior for loving or hating something that I don’t agree with. People have different opinions and I’m not asking for you to blindly follow me as you may the things you see on TV.

All I want is for the mass consumer market to stop making such shallow decisions about the things they spend money on. Deepen your thought process – analyze a film on the level and form your own thoughts. Fight against complacency and put a little fucking care and passion into the things you spend time on.

My aim is to start a conversation – to initiate a more thoughtful means of discussing a film – that’s all I want.

I just want people to be able to communicate why they love something, or why they dislike it. I’m tired of casual moviegoers saying they don’t like something and then giving no reasons to back it up other than, “it’s just my opinion.”

You know what, a lot of critics out there curmudgeonly old men and women who are stuck in their ways and refuse to stick their neck out on the line. It’s just a job, and the passion that may have originally been there has disappeared. There are, also, many of us out there who do it out of love and pure respect of the industry. We are enthusiasts not fueled by green but by the hopes of opening minds and introducing new options to people who are tired of the things shoved in their faces.

Okay, I feel like I got that off my chest. Understand that the reason I am so opinionated and passionate about something as trivial as a fourth “Terminator” movie being made is I hate seeing things I love being dismantled and reassembled for the sake of money. If you’re going to truly make a fourth film, then make it worthy of people seeing – don’t depreciate what others worked so hard on to create.

Recommendations

The Season 4 two-hour finale of “Lost” airs May 29 at 9 pm. E.S.T on ABC. This gives you the whole summer to get caught up on the best television show around. All you need to do is rent the first three seasons on DVD from Netflix or your preferred rental service. After you’ve completely devoured the series you can look forward to the release of Season 4 on DVD on December 9.

For those gamers out there, check out Assault Heroes 2 on the Xbox Live Marketplace. You can download the trial game to get a taste of one of the most fun, addictive experiences on Xbox Live Arcade.

Finally, if you like good music then please check out Narrow Stairs, the new album by Death Cab for Cutie. The CD is wonderful and I’m really enjoying it right now. If you’re looking to give them a listen for the first time, download their latest single “I Will Possess Your Heart” ..

I’ll close this edition of The Cynical Optimist with a thank you. I really appreciate everyone who takes time to read this column and those I’ve engaged in conversation with on the message boards. Thanks guys!