OLIVIA MARNE
Seems Han Solo’s next smuggling mission will encompass furtively importing Steroids into Bulgaria.
With Bruce Willis playing the “greedy and lazy” card (Sly’s words, not mine), Harrison Ford has been asked to replace the “Die Hard with a Wafer-Thin Plot” star in “The Expendables 3”.
Sylvester Stallone took to Twitter to gloat about the casting, saying he’s been waiting “for years!” to work alongside the iconic star of the “Star Wars”, “Indiana Jones”, “Jack Ryan” and “” franchises.
Sly then followed up the casting news with his dig (well, he doesn’t say his name but it seems fairly obvious) at Willis, who seemingly passed on “Expendables 3” because he would’ve been required to get on a plane for less than 50 million.
Ford, who’ll seemingly say yes to anything these days (Did you ever expect Mr. anti-Star Wars to return to the Han Solo role, for instance!?) – which suggests he’s either out to expand his IMDB page before he retires or Calista is driving him batshit crazy at home – will shoot his stuff before shooting “Star Wars Episode VII” in London early 2014. No word on whether his character will be a CIA agent, like Willis’s Mr Church, or some sort of ‘Expendable’ – moulded on Indiana Jones or Solo.
Stallone and Ford were both at Comic-Con a couple of weeks ago, promoting their upcoming movies, so this deal may have been put together then (and by ‘deal’ I mean, two elderly gents walk into the men’s room at the same time, share a laugh about Pauly Shore charging for photos in the foyer, and then realize who each other are, before Stallone brings up the subject of “Expendables 3” and how he needs another A-lister to play a throwaway part before Lionsgate signs off).
So long as Sly makes Ford and a young co-star pick up a rocket launcher at the end of the film, aim it towards the enemy, and say “Now let’s blast this thing kid, and go home!” fans will be happy.
Meantime, you can catch Bruce Willis in the matinee recital of “I’m gonna kill that fuckedy fuck Stallone from fucking getting on that Twitter fucker and fucking me with his fucking post. Fucker!” -which is sure to generate widespread interest at his agent’s office.
