Caffeinated Clint
1820. We’re about to watch the purportedly harrowing story that would ultimately inspire the book Moby Dick. Cue the splashy sounds, rock the boat back-and-forward and unbutton the lead star’s shirt.
The crewman of the New England whaling vessel Essex, led by official captain Benjamin Walker and unofficial captain Chris Hemsworth, haven’t collected much Whale oil at all when a massive sea-elephant attacks with wood-shattering force, giving the boat a good bashing and eventually leaving the crew splashing about in the ocean “Jaws” style. Gallant spear-shooting, cannibalism (don’t worry, you see nothing), seemingly important speeches, and a meaningful meeting of the minds…or eyes.. between man and monster, follow. Touchy-feely music somewhere in there too.
Ron Howard’s latest resembles… well, a Ron Howard movie. And no offence to the man – heck, we love Ritchie Cunningham, right!? – but when you start to spot the thread between the participants in a whole back catalog of movies, clearly it’s time for a moviemaker to give the job a bit more elbow grease. Elmore Leonard-up, bro!. Howard, who has given us such classics as ”Splash!”, ”Cocoon”, ”Backdraft”, ”Parenthood”, and ”The Da Vinci Code” (no, actually.. that was rubbish), makes a certain type of film : An innocuous, PC studio picture that’s usually half-full of fluff, half full of commendable performances… that win awards (by guys with surnames like Hanks or Crowe). They’re nice. Sweet. With rousing actor bits. And though Howard returns that same standard tone with his latest, nobody will be walking away with any accolades from In the Heart of the Sea – well, perhaps the guy who painted the gigantic flippin’ matte backdrop that sits to the back of the film’s frame as politely as a wart of a nose. When it’s not annoying you with its unashamed overuse of computer generated waves, colossal sea-monster and damaged dinghies (It’s been over a decade since The Perfect Storm and even it didn’t have to rely on leftover hot props from The Phantom Menace to complete it’s action sequences!), it’s letting Aussie Chris Hemsworth speak in an all-over-the-place accent that would only befit for a dust panning sing-song at Sovereign Hill. Furthermore, Howard’s turned the capable supporting cast into hot props – with Cillian Murphy, Brendan Gleeson, and Tom Holland (your next Spider-Man, film fans!) all playing cliched copies of characters from films forgot. I’m thinking Ronny and Brian were out golfing most of the time during this puppy.
Hemsworth might be able to lift the big-ass hammer, but he certainly can’t pull this thing up.
