Pitch Perfect 3

It’s time for round 3 of the “Pitch Perfect” films, this time seeing the Bellas knee-deep in reality and doing anything to rejoin the singing world. For fans of the franchise, a third helping is probably highly anticipated and for the rest of us, it’s just another chance to hopefully get 2 hours of tuning out from the real world. Unfortunately, “Pitch Perfect 3” is so full of cliches and eye-rolling moments, that I didn’t get a chance to escape the real world. Instead, I carefully crafted our Christmas Day menu, planned my work outfit for the next day and also decided that I could get away with not washing my hair until Thursday night.

Yes people, this movie sucked. But let’s start at the beginning. We re-visit each of the Bellas in their new out-of-college lives, and they’re having a terrible time. Despite Beca (Anna Kendrick) having her dream job, she hates it and doesn’t want to produce other people’s music cause they don’t want her voice over it. Such a shame. So, she quits and finds herself unemployed with her roommates Fat Amy (Rebel Wilson) and Chloe (Brittany Snow). After thinking they’re all going to reunion of the Bellas show that turns out not to be, lead A-ca-whatever Aubrey (Anna Camp) comes up with this super amazing such-a-coincidence idea to enter a singing event to perform for the troops. The ultimate prize, as they discover, is to open for DJ Khaled – which I’m led to believe is the only known act that was available for the slot of this role. Literally anyone could’ve filled it.

Of course when they arrive for the soundcheck they immediately make enemies with an all-girl rock band (headed by Ruby Rose, who should never act), and challenge them to “riff-off”. This is where things really start to bother me. The riff-off becomes so over the top, so over-produced and unbelievable I just want to end my life. Luckily, the Bellas admit defeat just in time, but not before some admiring eyes notice how totally hawt they are and pick which piece of meat they shall pursue for the remainder of the film.

“Pitch Perfect 3” is the perfect example of a template film – not sure if this is actually a thing yet, but it should be – spread the word. I’ll explain: it has the most generic and predictable storyline possible, and every element of it is just picked out of the ‘comedy movie ideas’ hat. I can’t explain every bit without spoiling it for you, but let’s just say take a bunch of unhappy people, reunite them, throw in a ‘random but perfectly timed’ solution, a few love interests, generic and wooden dialogue, the enemies that obviously learn that the others aren’t that bad, a rising star that excels while the others fall behind and a predictable ending. Not to forget the subplot that takes the attention away from the group for a while, whilst one of them has a personal dilemma. All this and more in 90 minutes! All you need to do is throw in a free set of steak knives to wrap it all up nicely.

The only slightly funny jokes in the film come from Rebel Wilson, but even then the fat jokes are tired by now. The ending of the film is essentially given away in the first 5 minutes, and I’m still not sure why. Look, the film will appeal to “Pitches” that enjoyed the first two, but even then I’m not sure you’ll love it. There were laughs in our cinema, and I thought for a while I was watching a different movie, but apparently it’ll just appeal to other people. Who woulda thunk it?!