Caffeinated Clint
The production quality of this release can only be described as ‘lavish.’ Two different digitally remastered versions are included: anamorphic and full-screen. Each resides on its own disc.
Orson Welles, Frank Welker, Casey Kasem, Leonard Nimoy
Make no mistake, this is a toy advert. Perhaps the most ambitious in history. Hitting cinemas at the height of ”Transformers” mania, it was aimed squarely at children who had already bought all of the first batch of plastic Autobots and Decepticons. The ploy was insidious – what better way to motivate the littlies to make new purchases than to kill off their favourite characters? In the opening act Optimus Prime and Megatron have their final confrontation, a brutal scuffle that mortally wounds them both. Other heroes and villains are explicitly, utterly killed, with smoke pouring out of their mouths as their glowing eyes fade to black.
It’s a far cry from the TV show, where nobody ever really got hurt. It’s not just banners that divide the two factions of Transformers, as the giant space robots demonstrate starkly different philosophies on leadership succession. Jacked up in a workshop, Prime’s last words induce the Autobots to weep, as he chooses the most boring apparatchik from his ranks. Ambitious Decepticon 2IC Starscream hurls the ailing Megatron out the side of a space shuttle.
They handle death differently, too. The new Autobot leader absorbs The Matrix of Leadership, a glowing orb of accumulated wisdom and transcendent goodness. Megatron gets scooped up by a giant living, carnivorous planet, the embodiment of all evil in the universe. Absorbed and re-created by Unicron’s cybernetic necromancy, the new-and-improved Galvatron leads an armada of evil space hovercraft to smite all who’ve wronged him.
So, the stage is set. And what a play! Light on techno-babble and big on hyperbole, the warring factions hurl insults that sting like lasers. In-jokes, referential gags, political correctness, and other forms of narrative flab are thin on the ground, freeing up room for lines like “Pathetic fool! There’s no escape!” and “Prepare for extermination!” In his final battle with Hot Rod, Galvatron chokes the impetuous youngster as he monologues, “It’s a pity you Autobots die so easily, or I might have a sense of satisfaction now.”
For the Autobots, their odyssey takes them deep into the wilderness: to an ocean world plagued by Sharkticons, and a planet of junk populated by Junkticons. The leader of these scrappy robots, voiced by Eric Idle, speaks in a pidgin English gleaned from TV commercials. Their first, confused encounter runs to the tune of ‘Dare To Be Stupid’ by Weird Al Yankovic. The soundtrack is otherwise made up entirely of mid-’80s hair rock. As ridiculous as all this sounds, for young, male children of the era, Transformers The Movie was a perfect storm of aspirational consumerist catharsis; an entertainment orgasm for the pre-pubescent.
The voice acting is top-notch. Exemplary, really. Orson Welles, the director/star of Citizen Kane, is memorable as Unicron. Leonard Nimoy also puts in a fine performance as the tormented Galvatron, and Casey Kasem gets a chance to reprise his role as the diminutive yet energetic Cliffjumper. Top marks all round.
The contrast between this old movie and Michael Bay’s new one is stark. The live action film is mainly about the humans. Actually, in light of the minimal characterisation, it would be more accurate to say it mostly has humans in it; the robots are aliens, outsiders. The new film isn’t really about anything, and that’s part of the reason why it’s terrible. The original is mostly about the Transformers, with a minimal human presence (Spike, and his young son) to keep up appearances. Within that framework, it covers the practical differences between right and wrong, the evils of bigotry, the true nature of heroism, and the importance of fighting injustice wherever it is found. The new one’s mostly about getting laid.
As to this film fossil, its value is tied to nostalgia. Viewing from an outsider’s perspective is possible, and maybe even enjoyable – madcap as it all is, the story holds together. Viewers doped up on nostalgia will get a lot more out of it. Newcomers can expect a movie that’s utterly unique.
The production quality of this release can only be described as ‘lavish.’ Two different digitally remastered versions are included: anamorphic and full-screen. Each resides on its own disc.
A wealth of period TV ads are included, both for the movie and the toys themselves. The ads created for the Japanese market in particular are hilarious; they’re just the American ones dubbed over. The faces of all the kids have been digitally obscured – presumably there was no practical way to hunt them down and get their permission. Or maybe they were just saving them the embarrassment. Either way, these creepy, faceless children serve as a stark warning of the wilful uniformity that consumerism encourages.
The alternate scenes are another eye opener. We got the ‘International Version’ in Australia, so you may not believe your ears when you hear Spike say the S-word. Yes! The film is set in the near future of 2005, after all. Once a teenaged character for viewers to identify with, Spike’s all grown up now, and fighting with the Autobot forces. Grown-ups are perfectly entitled to drop the odd profanity when their bid to blow up an entire moon to kill a planet-eating monster goes wrong.
But wait, there’s more! Interviews, commentaries, deleted scenes, a music video of the theme song, bonus episodes and more besides round out the selection; there’s a lot to watch. The case is even lined with a deluxe reversible cover with two different artworks – one commissioned especially for this release. Great stuff!
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Reviewer : James Cottee
