Caffeinated Clint
Celeb News and Views with a Hollywood Insider
Hey Film Fans and Movie Maniacs,
The Monkey Man here. I think film and movies are two completely different mediums. I liken them to paint. Matt and gloss. No, not Matt Goss, the former lead singer of yesteryear boy band Bros, but matt and gloss. You can appreciate both, favor one over the other, dislike either or love everything there is about them. I, love everything about them, as I do about my Princess Lady Monkey. I am away from her yet again, taking a short trip to London and then back to the Hills, er, I mean my Master Clint’s basement!
I went to a Spring Formal the other week, with Lady Monkey. There were 4 or so coaches that collected us from outside her University. She’s every inch the brainbox and if she were to pen a flick one day, it wouldn’t get made because it’d be too intelligent for those with the check book to understand. Actually, she’d have to raise independent finance, shoot the damn thing herself and THEN she’d gain the recognition of those with the check books, who are sent to the festivals to seek out the “talked about” and the hotel bars and café dwellers who keep their ears out and fake a “Yeah, I loved March of the Penguins” type statements, but are really thinking; “Man, it’s been too long since my last Vin Diesel fix”. I got sidetracked. Previously, at the Spring Formal Ranch. We get these 4 coaches to drive hundreds of Students 50 or so minutes away to a hotel. Glammed up and sparkly and some trying not to act 18 and me asking Lady Monkey to answer for me when people say; “Hey, man, how old are you?” Er, Princess? Help me out here. We have to show ID on arrival and are given red wristbands, if you’re older than 21. I show my ID, though there really wasn’t any need for me to do so. It was fun seeing all these hacked off chicks, nestling their fruit juices, sat glumly at their table, whilst Lady Monkey and I are drunk as skunks, doing the La Vida Loca. I must apologise to her though as I got a touch prudish when she began to slither up and down me, as if I were a pole in a strip club off Sunset, (you know the one) and she pulled me closer into her, with my button popping open on my tux pants. I said “What the hell?” And she asked me what my problem was. We really didn’t have time to answer THAT question, so drank more and danced around tables and slithered more later.
The “MI:3” Premiere
So, here I am in Blighty London, catching up with some scribes and actors and Cruising. I missed the M:I:3 prem last night, but I know JJ did a good job with that and I’d like a crack at the 4th one please whilst he’s doing his Alias or Trek movie. Will there be an M:I:4? The sound of box office cash registers ring out like a choir to Paramount and C/W and the word ‘yes’ is sung by Execs and VP’s alike in an angelic tone.
Girls Aloud…Anytime
Ok.. What have I picked up here? There’s a girl group called Girls Aloud and they’re Spice Girls with singing talent and moderate attractiveness, but no doubt controlled to the max by their Manager, who could say the Irish one is only allowed to wear a short skirt and can sing the most, okay! Anyways, they’re after a film script to do together and I’m hoping it won’t be a Spice World. I bet the rest of the group don’t know, however, that instead of buying up property, one is actually seeking to produce movies.
Legend in Black
So, Will Smith and his movie ‘I Am Legend’ is finally getting the go ahead. Man that movie has been around for some time. The New York post apocalyptic virus thriller is unfortunately penned by Akiva. This was a Scwarzenegger vehicle at some point and Clooney too I believe. Francis Lawrence, who helmed ‘Constantine’ with Keanu and the er.. Britney video classic My Prerogative will take charge of megaphone duties.
Stiller funny man
“The Seven Day Itch” with Ben Stiller will reunite him with the Farrelly Brothers on this loose remake of “The Heartbreak Kid”, a 1972 flick about some Jewish guy about to get hitched and suddenly meets a knockout blonde. C’mon, get Diaz back too.
Scouting for “Crown 2” begins
This one time at Bond Camp. From Pierce and BMW to Daniel and a brand of bulldozer. From strength to strength and I love it! Pierce Brosnan’s Irish Dreamtime’s ‘Thomas Crown’ sequel are scouting locations in NYC and parts of Europe, whilst Pierce shoots thriller ‘Butterfly on a Wheel’ in Vancouver. I hear’ the Matador’ is getting a July 4th DVD release with some goodies on the disc. Looking forward to that alright.
Julia coming back for “13”?
I hear Julia will be back for Oceans’ 13. Of course! I mean, it is one big buddy, buddy, buddy, buddy, buddy, buddy, buddy, buddy, buddy, buddy, buddy, buddy, buddy movie. With Al too! Re-teaming with Garcia. Friend or foe? Foes of foes of foes. Don’t make this awful like the second outing, please! Go out in style, guys and gals.
Tomb Raider tug-o-war
With a third Lara movie in the works and Paramount unaware of a pending big ass lawsuit in a ‘Da Vinci Code’ stylee, who actually did create Lara Croft? If you buy a company that has a very successful property, you’d make sure there were no loose ends, right? Didn’t Bono wanna buy Lara at some point? Did he not have enough money or did his people hear he’d lose money? Well, whatever theories there are out there, it’ll either be paid out and be a quiet one or it’ll go press-tastic. I say do a Sam Raimi and turn Lara into a “Xena” TV property. I know, I know “Relic Hunter” got their first, but that was lame.
“True Lies” Truths
I was asked about True Lies 2, from a reader last week, and I personally think it’s dead in the water. Sure Tom Arnold would love to do it and Eliza too, for obvious reasons. Cameron and Schwarzenegger will team up again one day, but for a “True Lies” sequel? I think “Mr and Mrs Smith” got their first and their sequel will happen. I did hear of a “True Lies” story featuring Big Ben in London blowing up, but “Vendetta” got their first and, like I said, they’ll do something again and it’ll be Titanically huge, I guarantee. Never say Never.
Catching the Flight?
I’m disliking the ‘United 93’ opening the Tribeca film fest. I said it before, you have no idea what happened aboard that flight! I’d watch the net’s Loose change 911 documentary before even considering to view that wrong move of a greenlighted flick.
Celebs givin’ it up!
A press release flew into the inbox, from Denise Tripp, sister of “Child’s Play” creator Don Mancini. It’s all about a good cause, so please take the time to read it :
Starting on Thursday, April 20, an original piece of jewelry created by celebrity jewelry designer Ryan Ryan, for Grey’s Anatomy’s Katherine Heigl will be up for auction. All proceeds from this auction will go directly to Katherine’s charity of choice The Coalition on Donation that works to inspire all Americans to Donate Life through organ, eye and tissue donation. This beautiful 14K rose gold pendant with diamond accents was worn by Katherine Heigl on the red carpet before the “Grey’s Anatomy” DVD Launch Event. In addition, this pendant is a featured item in the May issue of Shop Etc. Magazine where Katherine Heigl appears on the cover and several additional beautiful pieces of Ryan Ryan’s jewelry appear as well. Mr. Ryan donated this item after learning of the support Katherine and her mother have given to the Coalition on Donation and its mission over the past seven years. In addition to the pendant, the winner will receive an autographed photo of Katherine wearing the necklace being auctioned. You may bid on this stunning item by going to: www.kheigl.com/auction/. To get more information on the entire celebrity “donate life campaign”, please visit the Coalition’s partner in this endeavor “Media Blvd” at: 
http://www.mediablvd.com/donatelife/index.htm. To find out how to become an organ, eye and tissue donor, please visit www.donatelife.net. April is National Donate Life Month, a month dedicated to saving more lives by increasing organ, eye and tissue donation. In addition to their on-going efforts to promote organ donation, a number of celebrities including: Katherine Heigl, Majandra Delfino, Brendan Fehr, Don Mancini, recording artists, Josh Kelley and Alex Band as well as the folks at ABC’s hit show Desperate Housewives, celebrity swag bag guru, Lash Fary of Distinctive Assets, and Katherine Heigl’s jeweler “Ryan Ryan of Ryan Ryan and Company” have donated items to auction to raise funds to support> donation education. Most recently, a black leather jacket worn by Alex Band of The Calling in the video “Where Ever You Will Go” raised over $6,000 for donation awareness. In addition, Alex donated the actual gold album plaque he received when his album, “Camino Palmero” went gold. Hollywood Records recording artist, Josh Kelley, donated an original piece of art work as well as tickets to a show to actually sit on stage at one of his concerts and a brand new Les Paul guitar.
Note to Aussie “X-Men” fans!
Only a few weeks until it comes out! I can tell you, it’s really good, you’re going to happy with what Ratner serves up. He’s tweaking it up until the 11th hour, to make sure it’s as good as it can be too. He’ll surprise quite a few of you. Meantime, check out the new Aussie “X-Men 3” site at xmenthelaststand.com.au.
Monks will be in London for a few more days and will then return to the Vine. Keep safe. Monks.
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